My Conscience is Clear (SLASH)
by needtoknow400
Summary: Moral compass, principles, right and wrong, inner voice, conscience…whatever you call it. Gibbs isn't sure he can keep his conscience clear when someone he cares about is missing. The one thing he is sure of, his conscience is clear when it comes to a past transgression between them. Will that memory help or hinder the future. (SLASH don't like don't read)
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** My Conscience is clear

 **Slash/Mature:** Don't like, don't read.

 **Summary:** Moral compass, principles, right and wrong, inner voice, conscience…whatever you call it. Gibbs isn't sure he can keep his conscience clear when someone he cares about is missing. The one thing he is sure of, his conscience is clear when it comes to a past transgression between them. Will that memory help or hinder the future.

All mistakes are mine, this has not been proofed.

 **####################**

McGee laid the file on the desk in front of Gibbs and the older man looked up. "Casey is finishing up with the evidence and it's on its way to Homeland security."

Gibbs nodded as he flipped open the file. "Go home McGee."

"I have a few more things to finish up."

The Gibbs stare glared back at him.

"Boss I-" McGee's thought went unfinished as Gibbs' phone rang and he answered it. The other agents at their desks looked over and held their breath. They'd been on this case for over seventy-two hours and no one wanted another case to fall into their lap.

"Yeah Gibbs." There was a pause. "Okay." Gibbs hung up the phone and stood up. Bishop and Torres followed suit about to grab their bags and Gibbs shook his head. "Someone's on the way up."

All three agent's brows furrowed.

Gibbs shrugged. All the front desk had said was someone was coming up that needed to see him.

They all stood there looking at the elevator until it dinged. An agent stepped off followed by a woman holding the hand of a little girl with a backpack. McGee's eyes went wide. "Josie."

"Tim." The women's voice was soft slightly shaky.

"What's going on?" McGee's face was filled with confusion. He knew Josie from Face Time with Tony and Tali. "Where's Tony?"

Gibbs' eye went wide as he looked down at the little girl. He'd seen a few pictures of Tali over the last couple of years, but only those that Abby or McGee had shared with him. Seeing the little girl now it all rushed back.

There was a moment of hesitation from the woman. Then she shook her head. "I'm not sure."

The little girl gave a half-hearted smile to Gibbs, but even with the smile being slightly sedated he'd have known that smile anywhere. Gibbs finally looked up and cleared his throat.

McGee still in shock over seeing the woman and little girl shook his head. "Um boss this is Josephine, Tony's au pair and-"

"Tali." Gibbs squatted down and smiled at the little girl.

"Hi Gibbs." She smiled back, this time a real DiNozzo smile.

Gibbs' eyebrow went up surprised that the little girl remembered him. He'd talked to Tony a few random times since he'd left but he hadn't seen Tali since that day she had been brought to NCIS.

"Mr. DiNozzo shows her pictures of all of you."

"Josie's what's going on?" McGee asked again.

"I'm not sure." Josephine clutched at the necklace she was wearing and looked down at Tali.

Understanding her body language, Gibbs turned his attention back to Tali and squatted down again. "Are you hungry?"

She nodded repeatedly.

"Do you like oranges?"

Another nod.

Walking over to his desk he produced an orange and made his way back to Tali. "Can Elle help you with this while I talk to Josephine?" She nodded and took the orange as he held it out to her.

Tali looked up at Josephine as Elle walked over from behind her desk.

"Go ahead." Josephine smiled at the little girl. Orange in hand she took Elle's hand and they headed to the desk.

Standing up, Gibbs touched the small of the woman's back and led her towards Torres' desk as McGee followed. Torres pushed the chair over towards the woman and she sat down.

Keeping her voice low, the woman spoke to the three men. "Mr. DiNozzo said he thought someone was following him and he needed us to leave."

"Who was following him?" The three men said it in unison

"I don't know." She took a deep breath to try and calm her nerves. "He told me to pack a bag for myself and Tali and that he was putting us on a plane to DC."

As she spoke, Gibbs heard the French accent with the hint of another accent hidden underneath.

"I was to get to DC and come directly here and find Gibbs or Tim." She glanced over at Tali then back up at the men standing before her as she chose her words carefully. "He was concerned for our safety…and he gave me this." She slipped the necklace over her head. "He said to give it to one of you." She held it out and Gibbs nodded to McGee.

McGee studied the necklace for a moment. It was a rectangle piece of filigree metal work with a flower pattern within in it as he stared at it he realized it wasn't one piece but two. He pushed up on the intricate metal work and a USB stick appeared. He looked over at Gibbs.

"Go, work with Casey." Gibbs nodded towards McGee and the agent took off.

Gibbs leaned back against the desk. "We need to hear everything leading up to you two leaving Paris."

Taking a few steady breathes she started to talk. "We went to dinner at a little café a few blocks away." Her brow furrowed. "Mr. DiNozzo was acting strange through the whole dinner. Then when we were walking back home he was carrying Tali and walking quickly. Once we were in the apartment, he sent Tali to her room to play and then he took me by both arms, said I needed to pack a bag for myself and Tali because we were going to DC." She paused shaking her head. "I tried to question him, but he kept stopping me. Finally he told me he thought he was being followed or maybe we were being followed, he wasn't sure he just wanted to make sure we were safe." She went to reach for the necklace that she no longer wore. "He put the necklace on me and said to give it to you or McGee when I got here…he didn't tell me what it was. I just thought-" She stared off at the orange wall in the distance still shocked by everything.

"Josie." Gibbs used the shortened name.

"Um, he gave me some money, told me just tell Tali we were going on an adventure. He told me only talk to the people I absolutely had to and if anyone asked Tali was my daughter." Again she looked over at Tali then back at the men. "He had a friend of his pick us up at the back door and take us to the airport and when we landed I got a cab and came straight here."

"He didn't say who he thought might be following him?" Torres asked.

She shook her head. "Nothing, he said the less we knew the better."

Gibbs' phone rang and he pulled it from his belt. "Yeah."

"Boss, you need to see this. Tony was doing his own counter surveillance. Plus there's a video message from him."

"I'll be there in few minute." Gibbs clicked the phone shut. He stole a glance at Bishop and Tali they were chatting as the little girl ate a piece of orange. Looking back at Josie, Gibbs spoke. "Torres will get you something to eat and stay with you and Tali."

"Of course, I'm thinking pizza." Torres grinned when he saw Tali look over at him.

"Let me guess sausage and peperoni?" Gibbs didn't even have to ask.

"How did you know?" Josephine looked at Gibbs.

Gibbs didn't answer.

"Big Mikes Pizza coming up." Bishop picked up the phone and started dialing.

Torres watched Gibbs slowly start towards the back elevator. He followed knowing by Gibbs manner and walk that the Boss wanted to talk away from the others. Once they reached the elevator doors, Gibbs paused.

"They stay here and they are not left alone."

Torres nodded.

"Get the safe house ready." Gibbs pushed the down button and the elevator doors parted. He stepped inside and the doors closed.

 **##########**

Bursting into the lab, Gibbs saw several images cued up on the screen. "What do we got? "

"Someone was definitely following Tony. There are pictures of a white work van and black sedan with tinted windows out front of his apartment and outside restaurants and stores on countless occasions. Tony was checking into the van and sedan they were both registered to a dummy corporation." He cued up another picture with a man stepping out of the white van. "This is the only picture of any of the drivers, Tony was trying to identify the guy but he didn't have the resources."

"I'm running facial recognition now." Casey chimed in.

"The video explains everything more. They'd been following him a few weeks, he'd been checking what he could, called in some favors, but he wasn't getting much." McGee pulled up another picture. It of Tali and Josie sitting at a café table, but they were out of focus. Instead the importance of the picture had been placed on the cars lining the street behind them. The now familiar van and black sedan were parked with a car between them. "This was taken that night at the café. Seeing both the vehicles together that night made him think something was going done and he didn't want Tali and Josie there if it did." McGee looked over at his boss. "I wanted you to hear this." McGee tapped a button on the keyboard and the video of Tony started.

"I hid a burn phone in the bottom of Tali's backpack, it's turned off. There's one number programmed into it, it's the burn phone I have. Call me when they are safe. If I don't answer don't think the worst..." Tony's voice faded for a moment. "Then again maybe think the worst."

Gibbs already had his phone opened calling Torres. "There's a phone hidden in the bottom of Tali's backpack. Get it and get down here. Make sure Bishop stays with Tali and Josie." He slammed the phone shut. His eyes narrowed as he stared at the computer screen. "Josie?" Gibbs said the name with suspicion.

McGee shook his head. "He checked her out before he hired her, she came back clean."

"The friend that took them to the airport?"

"Tony gave us the name." McGee pulled up a picture of an ID. "Wade Fisher retired Marine living in Paris. Tony met him at Tali's music class. Tony checked him out, no red flags."

"Check again."

"Already doing that."

Gibbs squared his jaw. "Could it be Mossad?" The thought had hit him earlier. Even with the limited number of people that knew about Tali, there were still enough people that someone could have felt she should be brought back into the fold. Eli was still thought of highly by agents within the organization.

McGee's eyes went wide. "You think they were watching Tali?"

"I wouldn't put anything passed them."

"I'll check it out."

"Paris Police?"

"He said he was going to them after Tali and Josie were safe in DC." McGee looked at Gibbs afraid his boss might be upset that he had taken the next action. "Vance is checking with the police and the embassy in Paris."

Gibbs only response was a nod.

"We've all made a lot of enemies at this job. It could be anyone."

"Find out." Gibbs voice was almost a shout.

Torres hurried into the room phone in hand and passed it to Gibbs.

Turning it on, Gibbs waited as McGee tapped at the keyboard. He watched as McGee's brow furrowed. "Someone must have removed the GPS tracker." He glanced over at Gibbs. "Tony could have done it." Again he tapped at the keyboard. "I should be able to at least get a radius on it if he answers the call."

Gibbs pulled up the only number on the phone and dialed the number. It rang a few times, clicked as if someone had picked up then went dead. He looked back at McGee who was typing away at the keyboard.

A large red circle appeared on the screen covering most of Paris. "That's all I could get, it wasn't long enough.

Gibbs tossed the phone on the table and heading out the lab door.

Torres had turned to follow but when he stepped out Gibbs was already gone. Walking back into the lab, Torres looked at McGee and Casey. "From what I hear Tony was one of the best, he knows how to handle himself."

"Yeah he does, but he also doesn't have the resources he had when he was an agent."

"He wouldn't put himself in a situation he couldn't handle right?"

McGee sighed. "I would do whatever it takes to protect my family." McGee had only been a father for a short time but he knew beyond a shadow of a doubt he would give his life for his children or Delilah.

 **##########**

"Embassy?" Gibbs stormed into Vance's office without knocking.

"They haven't heard from him, neither have the police."

"I'm going to Paris." It was said as a statement, a command actually, not a request.

"And do what? Do you even know where he is?"

"No, but I'll find him." Gibbs tried to keep the edge out of his voice but it didn't work. "I'm not asking, I just need you to back me up on this." His voice was raised now.

Leon stood up behind his desk. "Gibbs we don't have-"

The familiar Gibbs glare bore down on the Director.

"Agent Gibbs-"

"Damn it Leon, its Tony." Gibbs heard the Director returning to Leon's voice and he didn't need that right now.

Leon steadied his voice and pulled down his suit jacket, still trying in some way to keep the Director persona in place even as he gave in. "Take an agent with you-"

"I don't need-"

"If you want to go over there with the backing of NCIS, you take another agent."

Gibbs clenched his jaw.

"I don't care who it is, although I suggest Bishop, she speaks French."

"I just heard." Jack walked through the door. "So what is NCIS doing to help?" She paused as the two men stared at her.

Gibbs turned back to Vance. "I'll take Jack."

Leon looked at Gibbs surprised. He knew Gibbs and Jack were getting along, but Gibbs choosing Jack over one of his agents was extremely ungibbs.

"She's an agent and she speaks French."

"You'll take me where?" She looked completely confused.

"On the next plane to Paris." He was already almost to the door. "Unless I can get a military transport." The door closed behind him.

"Paris." She looked at Leon. "So NCIS is going to investigate retired agent DiNozzo's disappearance."

"You and Gibbs are going to investigate, with NCIS support." Leon took a deep breath. "We don't even know for sure that he's missing."

"He would have answered the phone Leon." She had already heard when she went down to the lab to talk to Casey. "Knowing his daughter is safe is the only thing he want to hear right now."

He let some of the vibrato fade from his body. "This is personal for Gibbs."

"I know, just because an agent leaves doesn't mean they stop being family." She folded her arms across her chest. "I've read the files I know they were close, how close the whole team still is."

"He's not going to want to play by the rules and the last thing we need is an international incident."

"Is that your politically correct way of asking me to keep him in line?"

Leon just looked at her.

"When it comes to a member of his team, past or present. I don't think The Almighty himself could keep Gibbs in line."

 **##########**

Gibbs barreled down the steps towards the bullpen and to his desk. Opening the drawer he grabbed his side arm and his badge. Clipping the gun holster to the right side of his belt, he clipped the badge to the left. "Is the safe house ready?"

"Ready and waiting." Torres replied.

"Safe house?" Josie looked up, Tali in her lap.

Gibbs walked over towards Bishops desk where Josie and Tali sat next to Bishop. There was a half-eaten pizza in front of them. He smiled at Tali. "You, Josie, Nick and Elle are going to go stay at one of our secret adventure houses."

"What about daddy?" Tali looked up at him with worry in her eyes.

"He'll be there soon."

Tali nodded. "What about you?"

"I'm going to go get daddy."

Josie stood up and placed Tali on the chair, she took a few steps away from the desk with Gibbs. "Something happened?" Josie swallowed the lump in her throat.

"We don't know for sure, but until we know we need to keep the two of you safe." He kept his voice calm and smiled. "The safe house is the best place for you."

"Okay."

"I'll let Torres know as soon as I know anything."

Josie wrapped her arms around herself and looked at Tali. "I'll do whatever it takes."

Gibbs could see the love that the woman had for Tali.

"If you need anything the agents will make sure you get it."

"Thank you."

"Do you remember seeing a white van or a black sedan following you and Tali or it parked outside the apartment while you were there."

She thought for a moment and shrugged. "Maybe I don't know, I wasn't paying attention."

Gibbs touched her shoulder and instantly felt the tension in her body. He forced a half smile and walked over towards Torres' desk as Joie went back to Tali. Torres was already on his feet. He stood as close to Torres as possible without touching the man, their eyes locked as Gibbs glare narrowed. "You protect them like they're your own, because if anything happens to them-"

"I'll be the next one in line for a body bag." Torres knew that glare, knew the ferociousness that Gibbs had about protecting his own and Torres respected that. He also knew Gibbs would do the same for him and that made the demand even more intense. "We'll keep them safe."

Gibbs leaned forward his lips almost touching Torres' ear as he whispered to the man. When he leaned back he saw the understanding in Torres' eyes and the younger man nodded.

McGee rushed in from the back elevator. "I'm going with you."

"No." Gibbs had called McGee in the lab and asked him to find a flight out, commercial or military.

"Boss."

"I need you here."

"But I can-"

"Tim."

"Then I can go to the safe house, the protection detail."

The boss stare bore down on his Senior Field Agent.

McGee took a deep breath. "It's Tony."

"I know. Which is why I need you here."

McGee squared his shoulders. He was the Senior Field Agent and with Gibbs gone, he should be here. Yet another part of him felt Gibbs was protecting him, keeping him out of the line of fire so to speak and close to his own family.

"You and Casey keep working on what we have, follow up on anything no matter how small. I want a sitrep as soon as we land."

McGee heard the unfaltering command in Gibbs' voice and simple nodded. There was still a lot to go through he'd only looked at half of what Tony had on the thumb drive.

"The minute I know." Gibbs nodded back.

Jack came down the steps and into the bullpen. "My bags in my car I'll grab it on the way out."

"Did you find a flight?" Gibbs asked McGee.

"You're taking Jack?"

Gibbs didn't respond just stared at McGee.

"Two commercial flights leaving in a couple hours, you can be on either one."

"Get the tickets and e-mail them to Jack's phone." Gibbs grabbed his coat and headed towards the elevator. "If you find out anything else call."

Jack was just a few steps behind, when they stepped into the elevator and the doors closed. The elevator started its descent and she spoke. "If you brought me because you think I'll let you do whatever you want and whatever it takes to get him back, you picked the wrong agent."

"Not why I brought you."

"Then why did you bring me?"

"To be my conscience."

Jack turned towards Gibbs. "I've never known you to need a moral compass. You're sense of right and wrong is one of the strongest I know, at least from everything I've read, heard, and what I know of from personal experience."

"It's different…I'm different when someone goes after the people I…" He caught himself and continued. "care about."

"So what are you afraid you might do?"

The elevator doors open and Gibbs finally looked over at her. "Kill anyone that gets in my way."


	2. Chapter 2

**Title:** My Conscience is clear: Chapter 2

 **Slash/Mature:** Don't like, don't read.

 **Summary:** Moral compass, principles, right and wrong, inner voice, conscience…whatever you call it. Gibbs isn't sure he can keep his conscience clear when someone he cares about is missing. The one thing he is sure of, his conscience is clear when it comes to a past transgression between them. Will that memory help or hinder the future.

All mistakes are mine, this has not been proofed.

 **####################**

Gibbs shoved his bag in the overhead compartment then took Jack's and shoved it in next to his.

"Leon paid for first class?" She looked at him surprised.

Gibbs shook his head. "I'm sure it was McGee doing some kind of internet magic." He walked over to where the seats were.

"Remind me to have McGee make the reservations for my next vacation." She chuckled as she followed him to their seats. Again McGee had picked the perfect seats for them. The two seats were backed against the wall between first class and coach, the space between their seats and the next was wider than normal allowing for the flight attends to move the food and beverage card back and forth from left to right. They could speak freely without anyone hearing them.

Taking his seat Gibbs leaned back and stretched out his legs.

"So are you going to tell me exactly what's going on?"

"Thought you already heard." Gibbs closed his eyes and put his head back.

"Casey and McGee gave me the cliff notes version."

"Then you have about as much as everyone else."

"Tali and her au pair, Josie show up. Tony thought they were being followed and wanted them safe so he sends them to you at NCIS. He sends a thumb drive with all the information he has on it with Josie. Tali has a burn phone in her backpack to call Tony when they get there, but Tony doesn't answer." She paused. "Tony doesn't answer which seems to suggest he can't answer." She looked over at Gibbs, he was still just sitting there eyes closed. "And we have no idea who was following him or why."

Gibbs gave a slight nod.

"Are you sure they were following Tony? Or could it be about Tali, she is blood relation to one of the most prominent Mossad leaders."

"Seems like you know plenty." Gibbs said without moving anything other than his lips.

"I've done my research, but research only goes so far."

The captain came over the speaker announcing their take off. She buckled her seat belt and glanced at Gibbs lap, his seat belt was already buckled around his waist. She shook her head. The plane started it's take off and she continued talking.

"Files on people only tell half the story…did Tony and Ziva have a relationship?"

"Ask Tony."

"I find it hard to believe they could work with you and have a relationship without you knowing about it." There was no answer. "Isn't there a Gibbs rule about agents not having relationships?" Again no answer. "Actually I think it says something more like coworkers shouldn't date, which leaves some grey area since dating is different from having a relationship." She saw his right brow rise slightly. "Then again if you read Tony's file, seems like he wasn't exactly the relationship type." She paused momentarily. "But then there was Jeanne Benoit, an undercover case that he became personally involved in. Another one of your rules." She watched as Gibbs' jaw clenched. "Although Jeanne wasn't a co-worker. He did date Agent Barrett." Her eyebrow went up as the muscles at Gibbs' temple contracted and his body tensed. Sometimes silence speaks more than words ever could. "Seems like Tony broke a lot of your rules. Yet we're running off to Paris to save him." She shrugged even though Gibbs eyes were still closed. "I think this says a lot about your own relationship with Tony." She cocked her head. "What is your relationship with Tony?"

Gibbs' eyes finally opened. "Whom exactly are you profiling? Tony or me?"

"Both." She unbuckled her seat belt and turned towards Gibbs. "You demand a certain level of respect, trust, and loyalty within your team. Its part of what creates this family unit that other teams don't have, yet here you had an agent running amok so to speak and you never did anything about it." She shook her head. "It makes me curious. What was it about the relationship you two had that not only made him feel he could break the rules, but that you would allow it?"

He glared at her.

"Yet even with all his transgressions, you were closer to him than probably any other agent on your team." She shook her head. "Abby left just a few weeks ago and you've spoken to her almost every day. You still talk about her at work…Tony's been gone over two years and I haven't even heard you mention him once and you've barely talked to him."

"Is that so?"

"Yes." She pulled her leg up into the seat curled it under her as she turned to face him. "Your team talks to me, unlike you and they talk about Tony. But most of all they talk to Tony and they all know that you don't. So why do two people that were so close and seemed to care about each other so much now barely speak?"

Gibbs just rolled his eyes.

"I've read everything on the two of you, you're personnel files, your case files, and I've read files that you probably don't ever know exist…but." She looked at him perplexed. "It's the stories I've heard, everything the two of you have been through together that makes me wonder, what was it that Tony finally did that was a deal breaker for you?"

"You know I dated a shrink once, I thought she was bad." Gibbs shook his head.

"I'm not trying to psychoanalysis you." She ran her hands through her hair. "I'm trying to understand the dichotomy of your relationship with Tony and how it all plays into this moment, this event and how we are going to handle it when we get to Paris."

Gibbs took a deep breath. "This is about Tony needing help, about a daughter that could possible lose her father, not about the dichotomy of my relationship with Tony."

She looked at him head slightly cocked, brow furrowed. Leaning closer she kept her voice low. "Yet you bring me to be your conscience because you're afraid you might kill anyone that gets in the way of you making sure Tony is safe." She drew back. "I think that says everything I need to know about the state of your relationship with Tony." Putting her leg back down, she settled back into her seat. "Anger and guilt are a dangerous combination, especially when it comes to the people we care about." She closed her eyes and laid her head back.

Gibbs stared at her a moment then looked out at the cabin of people in front of him. He hated when people tried to read him or analysis him, most people couldn't, but Jack had a plethora of information that most people didn't have. He regretted what he'd said in the elevator the minute it crossed his lips. He'd let his emotions get the better of him and he'd said it without thinking of the insight into the situation it would give him. She was right he'd barely spoken to Tony since the man had left and when he did their conversations were contrived or trivial or a combination of both. The only time they actually had a real conversation with each other was when Tony called while Abby was in the hospital. That conversation had flowed easily out of care and concern for Abby…they hadn't talked since. Before that they hadn't spoken in at least six months…six months and twelve days to be exact. Gibbs ran his hands down his face as he blew out a long breath then refilled his lungs. Unfortunately that was part of his fate when it came to Tony; he remembered everything, all the firsts and the lasts. The first time they'd met, the first steak they shared together, the first time Tony almost died, the first time Tony saved his life and all the countless other firsts they shared. Then there was also all the last times. The last time they'd worked together, the last time Tony said good-bye, the last time they spoke and the last time….for so many things. Gibbs head fell back against the head rest and he closed his eyes. As soon as they closed he saw snippets and flashes, images and memories of Tony, of things he wanted to forget, had tried to forget, memories he'd buried so deep that he'd told himself they didn't exist. He wanted to open his eyes, to make the visions go away, but he couldn't instead they washed over him like a tidal wave trying to drown him in a sea of forbidden memories he never wanted to recall. Image after image of Tony crashed over him and he screamed to himself _open your eyes, don't remember,_ but another barrage of images burst forth. He felt his hands clutch at the arms of the seat, his heart thumped against his chest, and he thought for a moment he might actually scream. Then that one image surged forward from the depth of his mind, the one image he hadn't allowed himself to remember since the night it happened. It exploded across the inside of his closed eyelids and his heart stopped as the image seared itself into Gibbs' mind refusing to silenced or forgotten any longer. Suddenly Gibbs' eyes shot open and he gasped, his lungs forcibly taking in desperately needed air. His chest heaving, Gibbs quickly looked around, his gaze landing on the woman next to him. Her seat was tipped back slightly, eyes closed and there was a blanket over her. He said a silent thank you to some unseen force that she was asleep as he tried to center himself again. Running his hands down his face he leaned forward, elbows on his knees as he steadied his heart and breathing.

"Can I get you something sir?"

Gibbs looked up at the flight attendant that stood smiling down at him. "Coffee, black and keep it coming."


	3. Chapter 3

**Title:** My Conscience is clear Chapter 3

 **Slash/Mature:** Don't like, don't read.

 **Summary:** Moral compass, principles, right and wrong, inner voice, conscience…whatever you call it. Gibbs isn't sure he can keep his conscience clear when someone he cares about is missing. The one thing he is sure of, his conscience is clear when it comes to a past transgression between them. Will that memory help or hinder the future.

All mistakes are mine, this has not been beta read.

 **####################**

Gibbs bag was slung over his shoulder, phone glued to his ear as they made their way out of the airport. He'd been on the phone with McGee since the plane had touched down. Jack's phone had started to chirp repeatedly the minute they landed and she was filtering through all the text and pictures that had come in.

"You find anything else call." Gibbs said as he snapped the phone shut. He pushed open the door then held it as Jack followed him out. "The car is waiting for us." He glanced back and forth down the sea of cabs, cars and buses parked out front of the airport until his eyes finally found what he was looking for. A man was standing beside a black sedan holding up a sign with his name on it. He looked at Jack and nodded towards the car a ways down on his right. Walking towards it the man smiled as they approached.

"Agent Gibbs."

Gibbs nodded.

"Here are your keys." The man handed Gibbs a set of keys. "The registration and insurance are in the middle console along with the rental agreement and our company card. If you need anything else don't hesitate to call."

"Thank you." He already had the back door open and had tossed in his bag. He took Jack's tossed it in and climbed into the driver seat.

She quickly made her way around and got in the passenger side. She had barely closed the car door when the car suddenly accelerated and merged into the oncoming traffic. "Do you even know where you're going?"

He glanced over at her with a roll of his eyes.

"I have Tony's address I can set the GP-"

"I know how to get there."

"Really." Her right eyebrow went up slightly.

He ignored the insinuation in her voice. "Paris police secured Tony's apartment, he wasn't there, nothing was out of place, but NCIS told them not to touch anything until we get there."

"McGee sent the address of Tony's friend Wade Fisher; hopefully he can give us something." She scrolled through the photos. "Some traffic photos of the van that was following Tony, no pictures of the driver. He said Police are still going through the traffic cams for any other information." Gibbs made a hard left and she put her hand on the dash to stop herself from sliding. "I always thought people were exaggerating when they talked about the way you drive." She looked over at him. "They weren't."

He made another left and she almost dropped her phone. A horn blared behind them as he barreled into another lane and made a right.

By the time they pulled up out front of Tony's apartment, Jack had put her phone down, forced herself tightly into her seat and was holding onto the handle above the passenger door. When the car stopped she actually let out a sigh. Letting go of the handle she shook her head. "I can't even imagine what you're like during a high speed chase."

Gibbs was already climbing out of the car as she spoke. He slammed the door behind him and headed up the front steps to the apartment building. He was already at the door speaking to the police officer when she finally reached him.

She stood a few steps behind him listening to the conversation. When he finally opened the apartment door and slipped under the police tape, she ducked under right behind him.

Gibbs took a few steps into the living room and stopped as the familiar scent immediately overwhelming him. The hairs on the back of his neck went up, his heart raced, his pulse quickened and his stomach knotted. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath drawing the smell deep into his nostrils and down into his lungs allowing it to permeate his being. It was a scent that for over a decade had been part of his everyday life, a scent that he could recognize before he even saw the man it was associated with. A scent he could pick out in a sea of people and know the man was near. A scent that he could place anywhere, yet he never truly knew what the scent was. Maybe Sandalwood or Bergamot or some other earthy scent he couldn't place. Maybe it was just the man's natural scent. He didn't know and he didn't want to know. Knowing would make it real, would make it to personal. Not knowing left it as some ethereal dream scent that he couldn't replicate. Not know was better for both of them. Yet even now, after several years of it being absent from his life, it still caused the same reaction. He'd hoped and prayed that its absence had diminished its hold on him, instead it had only made him more acutely aware of how much he'd missed it and the man linked to it.

Hearing the slight movement behind him, Gibbs' eyes shot open and he pushed the sensation down, buried it deep as he always did. He took a few more steps into the living room and his eyes scanned his surroundings taking it in like a computer uploading information. Most people would agree he was better than a computer noticing minute things most people, seasoned agents and computers would miss. He was good at his job. His eyes suddenly stopped on a gun safe on the shelf and he walked over to it. The safe had a digital lock, probably four or six numbers. He stared at it a moment then punched in a number, the safe unlocked and he opened the lid. He felt the presence behind him as he stared down at the empty safe.

She wasn't surprised he knew what Tony would use as the combination. Gibbs understood human nature, probably as well or better than she did. He'd just learned it on the job instead of in a classroom. People use numbers they can easily remember, for most people that's birthdays of a spouse or for mothers and fathers, the birthday of a child. What she was more surprised by was that Gibbs knew Tali's birthday. She had no doubt that was the combination. She noticed he was suddenly staring at a group of framed pictures on the shelf next to the safe. Pictures of all the people that were important to not only Tony but Gibbs as well. There was a picture of Tony, Abby and McGee at some restaurant table smiling at the camera. Another of Tony, Ziva, and McGee scrunched together making faces for the camera. One of Tony and Palmer that looked at if it had taken them by surprise. One of Ducky, Abby, and Palmer in the lab, Abby's head on Ducky's shoulder. One of Tony, Tali and a man Jack assumed was Tony's father by the family resemblance. Tony and the man were holding Tali between them with identical smiles on their faces. But Gibbs was staring at the final picture one placed an inch or so away from the others. It was a framed five by seven sitting atop a book by Edmond Burke. The picture was of Tony and Gibbs standing in the lab, both holding a coffee and looking at something in front of them. It looked as if it had been taken from in front of them without them knowing. They both had a slight smirk on their face, standing just a few inches apart. It was probably taken from inside the ballistics lab looking out into the man lab. It had probably been taken by Abby without either of them knowing. It was obvious by Gibbs surprised look that he had never seen the picture or knew of its existence. She wondered if it was possible the only picture of the two of them together. Gibbs wasn't exactly the type to allow himself to be photographed.

For a moment she thought he was going to reach out and touch but instead he took a step back.

Gibbs felt his heart start to pound against his ribcage desperately trying to break free, his stomach churned and he felt the bile rise in his throat. He suddenly felt claustrophobic as if the walls we about to close in. Somehow he managed to speak. "No one was here; if someone got to Tony they did it somewhere else."

"Agreed." She said as Gibbs barreled towards the front door.

"Wade Fisher." He said the name as he barreled out the door.

"Can I drive?" She bellowed following after him.

 **##########**

They pulled up in front of the house and Jack climbed out of the passenger side letting out a sigh of relief. "I can drive, I know Paris."

Gibbs ignored her slamming the car door behind him and heading towards the small house. His foot had just made contact with the landing outside the door when it opened. A tall man, crew cut hair, blue jeans, and a Marines t-shirt was standing in the door way.

"If you're here it can't be good." The man sighed and stepped aside. "Come in."

Without a word, Gibbs stepped inside, Jack a few steps behind him.

Closing the door, the man extended his hand to Gibbs. "Major Wade Fisher, MARSOC unit and you are Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs." He shook Gibbs' hand then extended his hand to the woman beside him.

"Agent Jack Sloan."

"Did Tali and Josie get to NCIS?"

Gibbs nodded.

"Good." He shook his head. "Tony?"

"He didn't answer the burn phone." Gibbs watched for the man's reaction to see just how much he knew.

"If he didn't answer, somethings wrong. All he cared about was making sure those two were safe."

"When was the last time you talked to him?"

"Yesterday shortly after Tali and Josie's plane touched down in DC." He motioned towards the couch for them to sit. He took the chair across from them as the two agents sat down. Leaning forward, elbows on his knees he continued. "He said the van and sedan had been outside the apartment all day and he was getting out, going to go somewhere public, he wouldn't tell me where. He thought it was better that way."

"Any thoughts on who might be following him?" Jack asked.

He shook his head. "He seemed to think it might be about Tali, but he wouldn't say why. He kept saying the less I knew the better."

"He was probably right." Gibbs glanced around the living room seeing the toys scattered about. "Where's your son?"

"He and my wife are staying with her mother for the week…thought it was best given the situation."

"I could have a protection detail assigned."

Wade shook his head. "My wife is French military and between that and the mommy bear instinct there's no one getting close to our son."

Gibbs nodded. "How did you and Tony meet?"

"Our kid's music class. Tali started in the class about a month after they got to Paris." Wade chuckled. "Tali took to Remy right away. Remy's quiet reserved and Tali just went up and said we're gonna be friends." He shook his head. "Remy was like okay and they have been friends ever since, which is how Tony and I met." He paused. "My wife, Simone is an active French Navy Officer; she's away for six months at a time, sometimes longer. Tony and I hit it off, did the single dad thing together. Play dates, classes, we had BBQ's here and when Simone was home, he and I would take a night and just go out and have some drinks or see a movie."

"Did he tell you he used to be a retired NCIS agent right away?" Jack was sure Wade knew now but she was pretty sure he hadn't found out until recently.

"I found out about two weeks ago." He shrugged. "I knew he had worked for the Federal Government, but he never said exactly who. I never pushed, figured there was a reason he didn't talk about it. No one knew, he kept certain things to himself, it was more about the here and the now." He looked at Gibbs. "I'm a Marine; there are a lot of things in my past I don't talk about." He turned to Jack. "Army or Navy?"

"Army."

He smiled. "He told me about NCIS shortly after he realized he was being followed. He asked for my help and I gave it. Simone did what she could, but…" Wade leaned back in the chair. "We couldn't do a lot without alerting the military or the authorities and Tony didn't want that. I really think at first he thought he was being paranoid then he thought someone was following Tali, not to hurt her but to find out about her." He took a deep breath. "I found out about Ziva, about Mossad the day Tali and Josie left."

"Tony didn't tell you." Gibbs already knew the answer.

"No, Tony had let Ziva's full name slip that day before Tali and Josie left. For some reason it rang a bell and I had Simone research the name." He shook his head. "That was a surprise." He stared at Gibbs. "I've had dealing with Mossad during my enlistment. They're close knit they like to keep family in the fold. Following Tali makes sense coming from one of the most influential Mossad families."

"Only three people in Mossad know about Tali, one is dead and the other two definitely don't want her back in the fold."

"But would they want her harmed?" He asked with a raised brow.

Gibbs didn't respond. He couldn't imagine Orli wanting Tali harmed she seemed to truly love the little girl, but he never assumed.

"Never assume right?" He gave a half smirk. "Tony taught me a few of your rules."

"Any idea where he might have gone?" Gibbs asked ignoring the rules comment.

"We always went to a bar just a few doors down from the music school called Pop In. Real casual, always people there you could blend in." He thought for a moment. "Maybe Chez Fernand it's a little restaurant we all would go to."

"Any other close friends he might contact?"

Wade shook his head. "Not that I know of, he knew all the parents from music class, but didn't hang out with them."

Gibbs leaned forward. "Any girlfriends, women he was seeing casually?" The question alone made his stomach churn; he didn't even want to hear the answer.

"Tony dating?" Wade chuckled. "No. Simone and I tried to set him up once, it didn't go well. His life revolved around Tali. I barely ever saw him look at a woman and even the women that approached him he was polite but never took a number."

Jack glanced over at Gibbs watching the agent's reaction.

Gibbs phone suddenly buzzed in his pocket, pulling it out he looked at the name across the screen and stood up. "I need to take this." He flipped open the phone. "Gibbs." And he walked towards the front door and outside.

"You knew agent Gibbs when we got here, Tony obviously talk about him so he talked about some things in his past."

"Yeah, but he said Gibbs was family, not blood, but family. I didn't know Gibbs was his boss until I found out about NCIS." Wade sighed. "Tony talked about people in his past, his dad, all the people in the pictures in his apartment, but they were family, he never said he worked with them."

"They are family." Jack smiled.

Wade slid forward on the chair. "I can help. I've jumped through all the hoops over here and I'm licensed to carry a fire arm." He squared his shoulders. "Tony's like a brother to me."

"I understand and believe me if we need help I-"

"We need to go." Gibbs had stepped just inside the house again his hand on the door frame.

"You found something?" Wade stood up.

Gibbs nodded as Jack performed the pleasantries.

"Thank you, for helping Tony and us." She extended her hand and he shook it still looking at Gibbs.

"Agent Gibbs-" That was all Wade was able to get out when Gibbs responded.

"I know." Gibbs nodded.

"Ooh Rah." Wade nodded in response.

Gibbs response was just as heartfelt. "Ooh Rah."

Once they stepped outside and were walking towards the car Jack finally spoke. "What do we have?"

"Facial recognition on the driver." Gibbs opened the driver side door. "Police just picked him up."

 **##########**

He wiggled his fingers then balled them into a fist and wiggled them again. Bending his elbows slightly he felt the ache run down his arms and into his shoulders. He glanced up at his wrists chained together hanging from an overhead hook then back down at his feet that were just a few inches from the floor. Moving his jaw back and forth the pain shot down his neck, it wasn't broken, at least not yet. He spit as the blood pooled in his mouth from his split lip.

"This could all end just tell me where the girl is." The man stood a few feet away wiping his hands with a white staining red. "My boss is getting impatient."

Licking his dry lips, Tony cleared his sore throat. "Well maybe I should talk to your boss. You and I don't seem to be getting anywhere."

The man glared over at him.

"What some people just don't click. Maybe your boss and I would have a better rapport." Tony saw the man move swiftly, tensed his muscles as the punch landed dead center in his stomach. He coughed spewing blood as he tried to catch his breath. "Maybe your boss doesn't hit like a girl." The next punch landed on his chin and he felt his body tremble as the pain surged through him.

"Where is the girl?"

"I'm never going to tell you." Tony's deviant glare bore down on the man.

"So you want to die?"

"I doubt your boss would be very happy if I die." Tony half smirked. "I'm the only lead you have."

The man stepped closer, almost face to face. "I give you credit. I'm surprised you've lasted this long. Most normal men crumble after the first few blows." He cocked his head. "Have you had military training?"

Tony felt the wave of relief wash over him…they didn't know he had been an NCIS agent. The felling was fleeting as the relief quickly faded. This wasn't Mossad. His gut reaction had been Mossad was behind this, someone wanting the David family back in power. This changed everything. The man torturing him was Russian, obviously hired muscle, given just enough information to fulfill his role and no more. Tony actually felt sorry for the man, because he had no idea that when his role in this drama was over, he'd be dead. Hired muscle is always disposable.

"You have no idea of the pain you are about to experience." The man grinned happily.

The truth was Tony knew exactly the pain he was in for had already prepared himself for it. His training as an NCIS would help, but nothing they could do to him would ever break him, because he would willingly give his life to keep his daughter safe.


	4. Chapter 4

**Title:** My Conscience is clear Chapter 4

 **Slash/Mature:** Don't like, don't read.

 **Summary:** Moral compass, principles, right and wrong, inner voice, conscience…whatever you call it. Gibbs isn't sure he can keep his conscience clear when someone he cares about is missing. The one thing he is sure of, his conscience is clear when it comes to a past transgression between them. Will that memory help or hinder the future.

All mistakes are mine, this has not been proofed.

 **####################**

McGee looked at his watch then back at the computer screen. When he started typing away at the keyboard again Casey spoke.

"You've looked at your watch four times in the last ten minutes." She walked over to the table and leaned sideways against it. "What are you timing?"

He glanced over at her. "It's normally a twenty minute drive from Wade Fisher's house to the police station; Gibbs will do it in ten." He paused a moment, "Two or three minutes to get into interrogation, another three minutes to break the guy, another five for the guy to spill his guts." He looked at his watch again. "That means in about eight more minutes I should be getting a call from him giving me the information."

Casey's eyebrow went up. "You really think it's going to take three minutes for him to break the guy?" She hadn't been on the team long, but tales of how quickly Gibbs could break a suspect were legendary around NCIS.

"Breaking someone that went after his family, he'll want to savor it."

 **##########**

The conversation in the car was sparse, just Gibbs telling her two things about what was going to happen. She didn't question it, she knew exactly how this this scenario at the police station was going to play out.

Storming into the police station, Gibbs flashed his badge. "Interrogation?" They knew he was coming.

The officer at the desk nodded. "Agent Gibbs, we have-"

"Interrogation?" Gibbs voice was commanding and demanding.

The young officer looked scared and his voice cracked. "Right this way." He grabbed a file then started towards the back of the station with Gibbs and Jack right behind him. He stopped at a door and look at Gibbs before he spoke. "Lieutenant Paulson spoke to Risnovic, but the man just said lawyer in Russian and English."

Opening the door, Gibbs didn't need to look in to know it was sit up similar in the NCIS viewing room. A police officer sat at a small desk glancing at the recording devices. He looked at Jack then back into the room. She stepped inside and Gibbs closed the door. Grabbing the file from the officer, Gibbs stepped up to the next door, opened it and stepped inside closing it behind him.

The man sitting at the small table in the interrogation room didn't move didn't even acknowledge Gibbs presents. It didn't matter. Gibbs slammed the file down on the table then opened it to what he knew would be the picture he wanted. The man glanced down at the picture then smiled as he looked back up staring at what he knew was a two way mirror in front of him. That was all it took.

Gibbs' hand grabbed the man's, his fingers finding the pressure point between the thumb and index finger and applying pressure as he bent the man's arm behind his back. Gibbs kicked the chair out from under the man and the man dropped to his knees. Gibbs other hand latched onto the spot between the man's neck and shoulder, his index finger finding the Brachial Plexus point and digging in. The man tried not to wince as the pain shot through him. On his knees before the table, Risnovic tried unsuccessful to stifle the groan that dripped from his lips as Gibbs' fingertip dug deeper into him.

Gibbs knew the pain wouldn't break the man; in fact it would probably have little effect other than to piss the man off. The pain he inflicted was only there to satisfy Gibbs. He needed to see it, feel it, and inflict it on the man he desperately wanted nothing more than to beat to a pulp.

Gibbs glanced at the mirror then at the camera in the corner of the room. The red light indicating they were being tape went off and he could hear the other man swallow hard as he realized this interrogation had just taken a very different turn. Leaning in Gibbs' lips almost touched the man's ear as he spoke in perfect Russian. He spoke two maybe three sentences and paused as the man looked at the picture staring back at him from the table.

From the other side of the mirror Jack watched as Gibbs spoke again. Risnovic tried not to react but his face involuntarily betrayed him. His eyes dilated and the corners of his mouth twitched slightly. Gibbs' fingers dug deeper into the pressure points as he continued to speak. The fear was now clearly visible as Risnovic's chest rose in short shallow breaths and his jugular pulsated angrily in his neck.

Gibbs slowly released the hold he had on the man's hand, but again increased the pressure on the man's neck. Reaching over, Gibbs unclipped the phone from his hip, flipped it open, and held it out in front of the man's face pulling up a number and showing it to Risnovic.

This time the man didn't even attempt to hide his fear, his eyes went wide as he stared at the number on the screen. Again Gibbs' spoke in the man's ear and a second later the man spewed forth information.

Jack watched as Gibbs listened, his fingertips digging so deeply into the man's neck that Gibbs' knuckles had turned white and the veins on the back of his hand were visible and pulsing. She only knew a few basic words of Russian, nothing that would help her understand what the man was saying. She heard a scratching noise beside her and looked over. The officer at the table was frantically writing on a piece of paper in front of him. "You speak Russian?" The man simply nodded as he continued to write. Turning back to the scene in front of her, she focused on Gibbs taking in the minute expressions on the Agent's face as Risnovic continued to speak. Expressions of anger, confusion and for a brief moment fear before returning to anger. Finally Risnovic stopped taking a deep breath and letting it out.

Gibbs suddenly let go of the man and headed towards the door.

Again Risnovic said something in Russian, words spoken with a tone of desperation and fear.

His hand on the door knob, Gibbs turned back to the man and responded. The man swallowed hard as he heard the words looking in no way relieved by what Gibbs had said. As soon as Gibbs stepped out of the room the red light on the camera blinked back to life. The man looked directly at the camera and spoke in clear precise English. "I will give my full confession, but I demand protection."

The door to the room opened and Jack turned to Gibbs as he stood in the door way. "Does he want protection from you or someone else?"

"He knows if I wanted him dead he'd already be in a body bag." Gibbs looked passed Jack and to the officer who had stopped writing and was now standing and looking at him. "We'll need vests."

"I will take care of it. We'll meet out front." The officer said to Gibbs as he grabbed the paper he had be writing on and walked out of the room.

"Let's go." Gibbs tipped his head down the hallway.

"Care to explain?" She asked jogging to stay at his side as they made their way down the hallway. "In case you forgot I don't speak Russian." The reached the front of the police station and her eyes danced back and forth between all the hustle and bustle that was suddenly taking place in the station. There were officers putting on vests and being handed rifles.

Gibbs stopped just before reaching the front door and an officer rushed forward handing them each a vest.

"You know where he is?" She took the vest putting it on as he looked at Gibbs.

"An old packaging warehouse." Gibbs already had the vest on and tightened it around his chest. He slowly gazed down her body. If you had dropped the two of them in another situation anyone seeing the way he looked at her would have thought he was leering at her body.

Her eyebrow went up and she smirked. "You know I declared my weapon when we got on the plane."

That was true, but he had walked away as she spoke to the TSA agent so he had no idea if she had anything else on her…until now.

She saw his eyes narrow slightly and her smirk turned into a smile as she realized he knew the exact placement of the two other weapons on her body. "What? A girl likes to be prepared for any situation." She was surprised when he smirked.

For a moment, Gibbs' mind suddenly flashed to Ziva. He wasn't sure if it was Jack's statement or the smile that reminded him of the other woman. It didn't matter, because his mind suddenly ran through a series of memories of Ziva. Early memories, memories of the father daughter relationship they had had for so many years, happy memories of the deep love he had for the woman. Then without warning his thoughts turned dark, the love he'd had for her replaced by the resentment and anger that he'd allowed to intensify over the years. Shaking his head he forced the thoughts away trying not to again dwell on the question that always plagued him when the memories of Ziva surfaced…Why had he allowed the resentment and anger to replace the love when none of it was her fault? Pushing the question down, he focused back on the face before him. Jack's head was cocked and she was staring at him as if trying to figure out where his mind had wondered off to.

"You're with me." An officer said as he approached the two agents. "The trucks pulling up outside."

Pushing the door open and stepping outside Gibbs flipped open his phone and hit a number. "McGee we're on the move."

 **##########**

Nine, ten, he counted each blow as it landed on his body; it kept him focused concentrating on anything but the pain. Just as the eleventh blow was about to land in his ribcage he heard the voice.

"Stop."

The man suddenly stopped as another man walked out from a door on the far side of the room.

One eye swollen almost shut, Tony squinted to try and see the man clearly. The man was average height, about five eight, his skin was a terra cotta color, and his hair slightly darker parted to one side and slicked back. His chocolate eyes matched the color of his suit and shoes. This was clearly the man in charge.

"I will get the information." Tony's tormentor said reassuringly.

The man that had entered the room walked towards the two men and stopped in front of Tony looking at the beaten and bloody man. "NCIS is looking for you." The man's voice was calm almost soothing as he watched for any response from Tony. "Two agents, one I'm very familiar with, but then Agent Gibbs' reputation precedes him." The man sighed. "The attractive woman he's with I was not familiar with…but I am now." The man slowly paced back and forth in front of Tony. "I was expecting Homeland Security, so imagine my surprise when NCIS shows up." He shook his head as he walked. "So I asked myself; why would NCIS send agents to find a retired gym teacher."

Tony felt the bile rise in his throat as he realized the man knew the truth.

"You made a mistake Ossip."

The man behind him furrowed his brow. "I made no mistakes Lorenzo."

"But you did." Lorenzo stopped pacing and again looked at Tony. "Mr. DiNozzo is a retired NCIS agent."

"He is not. I ran him."

Lorenzo smirked as he saw the beaten man's Adam's apple bob up and down. "Someone covered up your past? Was it NCIS or did you have someone do it for you after you left?" When Tony didn't respond, Lorenzo snickered. "I already know so what is the harm in telling me. Whoever did it did an amazing job." He paused. "Either way you're worth so much more now."

Tony watched as the man popped the button on his suit jacket then spoke the other man's name.

"Ossip." Lorenzo turned around gun drawn as Ossip opened his mouth to speak the bullet struck him dead center of the forehead and his body fell backward. Lorenzo turned back to Tony. "I hate incompetence." He shook his head. "Everyone warned me not to work with the Russians, but when you need cheap labor." He shrugged as he holstered his gun. "Now we have a few things to discuss." Lorenzo whistled and two men came through the same door Lorenzo had emerged from earlier. The two large men stop and waited for instructions. "Get him down, it's time to leave."


	5. Chapter 5

**Title:** My Conscience is clear CHAPTER 5

 **Slash/Mature:** Don't like, don't read.

 **Summary:** Moral compass, principles, right and wrong, inner voice, conscience…whatever you call it. Gibbs isn't sure he can keep his conscience clear when someone he cares about is missing. The one thing he is sure of, his conscience is clear when it comes to a past transgression between them. Will that memory help or hinder the future.

All mistakes are mine, this has not been proofed.

 **####################**

The truck was full of officers; Jack was sitting between Gibbs and the officer from the interrogation. "So how about giving me the cliff notes version of what Risnovic said back in interrogation?"

Gibbs glanced over at Jack then at the Officer beside her and tipped his chin.

"Risnovic was just hired to watch the girl, keep track of her until they were ready to acquire her."

"Acquire her?" Jack's eyebrow went up at the odd word choice.

"Risnovic's words. When Mr. DiNozzo was able to get them out of France, the plan changed."

"They _acquired_ Tony instead?"

"Three men were dispatched to pick him up, Risnovic was just the driver." The officer paused. "Only two men came back to the van with Mr. DiNozzo and Risnovic took him to the drop off location."

"The warehouse?" Jack turned to Gibbs. "They may have already moved him."

"They may have." Gibbs didn't even look at her. He was too focused on exactly what he was going to do if they were still at the warehouse.

"Who hired Risnovic?" She was still looking at Gibbs.

"Lorenzo Cavellero."

Her brow furrowed as she tried to place the familiar sounding name. It finally came to her. "FBI arrested him four years ago for running an organized crime ring out of Spain…drugs, arms, human trafficking, and a few other felonies. His mistress and lieutenant testified against him. He's in jail."

"He was until two months ago." Gibbs sighed. "Now he's trying to take care of the people that testified against him."

Her eyebrows went up. "Josie." She shook her head. "She's the mistress that testified."

Gibbs nodded.

"How did he find her, she was put in the witness protection program?"

"Risnovic didn't know and he didn't ask a lot of questions."

"They took Tony thinking he'd give her up to save himself."

Another nod.

"They don't know he used to be an agent?"

Gibbs shook his head. "They might by now."

"If they know he's worth more to them alive."

"Let's hope they feel that way and don't think he's a bigger threat."

She shook her head. "Risnovic needs protections from Ivan Povov, the head of the Russian mafia in France."

Gibbs nodded and glanced over at the confused looking officer beside Jack. Risnovic hadn't said who he needed protection from but Gibbs had worked on enough cases involving the Russian mob to know. Gibbs spoke a phrase in Russian.

Jack turned to the officer. She didn't need to understand Russian to know what Gibbs had said. If you had any cases involving the Russian mafia you knew the saying. "Blood makes you related, Loyalty makes you family." The Russians did not like when their people worked for other people.

 **##########**

"I don't know." McGee spoke into the phone on his desk. "I'll call as soon as I hear something." Listening to the woman on the other end of the line, he heard the elevator ding and the all too familiar man walk off and into the bull pen. "Gotta go." He hung up the phone as she was still talking and he looked up at the man now standing in front of his desk.

"Why are you looking into Josephine Whitby?"

"She's central to a case we're working on."

"You've found her?"

"You mean did we find the woman the FBI lost over a year ago."

"Misplaced." Fornell corrected. "People choose to leave the program."

"She didn't leave, she disappeared almost a year ago from the life the FBI gave her. Then when Cavellero was released you tried to find her and couldn't, because she'd started a new life as Josephine Dubois."

Fornell's eyes narrowed.

"You've been trying to find her because you knew Cavellero would go after her?"

"There were rumors."

"And Guerro, the lieutenant that testified against Cavellero?"

"I'm sure you already know." Fornell could tell the younger agent already knew exactly what had happened to Guerro.

"They finally identified Guerro's burned body two weeks ago. It took extra time since all his teeth had been removed, his tongue cut out and almost every bone in his body broken." McGee's voice was slightly raised, his best Gibbs glare in place.

"We tried to get to Guerro before Cavellero." Fornell's glare matched McGee's.

"That didn't work out and neither did finding Josie."

Fornell's eyebrow went up. "Josie?"

"Josie's been working as an au pair in France…Tony's au pair."

Fornell's eyes went wide. "Tony DiNotzo?"

McGee stood up. "And right now Cavellero has Tony."

"Tali?"

"She's safe."

"And Josie?" Fornell used the shorted name.

"Safe."

"NCIS has them both, so you can turn Josie over to us."

"No one's going anywhere until we get Tony back." McGee squared his shoulders.

Fornell suddenly looked around the bullpen at the three empty desks. "Gibbs went after Cavellero to get Tony back?"

McGee's expression didn't change.

"Cavellero's in France. When did Gibbs leave?"

That one statement told McGee what he wanted to know. The FBI at some point had eyes on Cavellero.

Fornell took a step forward. "If he goes after Cavellero by himself, half-cocked-" He stopped himself as he ran his hands down his face and took a deep breath. He shouldn't have been as surprised as he was that Gibbs went after Cavellero. If Cavellero had Tony, nothing would stop him…Gibbs protected his family with his life and Gibbs relationship with Tony was even deeper than family. "Just tell me he's not doing this alone?"

"He's not doing it alone."

 **##########**

The truck pulled up out front of the warehouse and the back doors flew open as the officers stormed out. The first line of officers carried a battering ram to break down the door to the warehouse, two strikes was all it took. The second line of officers rushed in followed by a third line spreading out as they surveyed the room. Jack and Gibbs following close behind. The room was empty except for the dead body on the floor next to the two trays lined with the all too familiar tools of torture and the chains hanging from the ceiling a few feet from the table. There was a small pool of blood below the chains and cast off blood around the area and the back wall.

An officer yelled clear and Jack holstered her weapon.

"Bodies still warm." Another officer said as he touched the body's neck.

"We couldn't have missed them by more than minutes." Jack said as she turned to Gibbs. Her brow furrowed when the man wasn't beside her. Her eyes scanned the room. "Where did Gibbs go?" She asked the officer next to him.

"I didn't see him."

"Damn it." She let out a sigh. She should have known the minute she saw the empty room that he would take off. So much for having her here as his conscience.


	6. Chapter 6

**Title:** My Conscience is clear: Chapter 6

 **Slash/Mature:** Don't like, don't read.

 **Summary:** Moral compass, principles, right and wrong, inner voice, conscience…whatever you call it. Gibbs isn't sure he can keep his conscience clear when someone he cares about is missing. The one thing he is sure of, his conscience is clear when it comes to a past transgression between them. Will that memory help or hinder the future.

All mistakes are mine, this has not been proofed.

 **####################**

Bishop glanced out the window to the back yard watching as Torres talked to McGee on the phone. Torres eyebrows went up then down as he said something back to McGee. He'd been on the phone for at least ten minutes, unusual for any of them. It was usual spit out the information as quickly as possible then back to the task at hand. This was definitely different. Countless possibilities raced through her mind. Maybe the warehouse was empty or worse they hadn't made it to Tony in time. She hadn't seen Torres make that face…the face all agents seem to make when the news of someone's death was spoken over the phone. She took not seeing that face as a good sign. She felt the tug on her sleeve and glanced down at the little girl sitting next to her on the couch.

"Can we have fettucine for dinner?"

Josie who was sitting on the other side of Tali smiled. "Sweetie we need to eat whatever they can get for us okay?"

Bishop smiled at Tali. "We'll see what we can do."

Tali smiled back at her then went back to looking at the book in her lap.

Hearing the back door open, Torres stepped in and stopped just inside the doorway into the living room.

"Is everything okay, did they find Mr. Dinozzo?" Josie's face was full of worry.

"Haven't heard back from Gibbs yet." Torres leaned against the door frame, folded his arms across his chest, and looked at Josie. "But we did find out some other interesting news." He watched as Josie's face went white.

Bishop looked at Torres then turned to Josie seeing her face white and her expression grim.

"What is it?" Josie asked.

"I think you know."

Josie swallowed hard.

"No one was after Tony or Tali….but someone was after you." Torres' eyes narrowed.

"Cavellero?"

Torres nodded.

"When did he get out?" Josie's voice cracked as she spoke.

"Two months ago."

Josie slumped back against the couch.

"Cavellero?" Bishop's brow furrowed as she tried to place the name. Her eyes suddenly went wide. "Lorenzo Cavellero the mo-" She stopped in mid thought and looked down at the young girl looking up at her. She quickly smiled at Tali. "Would you like to listen to some music?"

Tali nodded.

Bishop got up and went to her overnight bag pulling out a set of earphones. Making her way back to the couch she pulled her phone from her pocket, plugged in the earphones and pulled up her music app. "What would you like to listen to?"

Tali looked at Josie.

"I can pick something she would like." Josie smiled at Tali then took the phone from Bishop. She scrolled through the music till she found a song Tali liked then helped Tali put the headphones on and started the music.

Once the little girl was engrossed in the music Bishop continued. "Cavellero the Spain Mob boss?"

"Josie was the woman that testified against him." Torres took a few steps into the room.

"You were in the witness protection program."

"She disappeared almost a year ago." Torres sighed. "Homeland Security and the FBI have been looking for you since Cavellero was released."

"How long has Cavellero been out? Josie's voice crackled as she asked.

"Two months."

"And now he wants me back."

Torres looked at her puzzled.

"If he wanted me dead I'd already be dead." Josie shook her head. "Cavellero doesn't just kill people that betray him…he toys with them, tortures them. He's about inflicting pain, physical and emotional. A lieutenant betrayed him once, he never touched the man, instead he killed every member of his family, his wife, children, cousins, everyone and let the man live." She swallowed the lump in her throat. "He knows how to read people and realizes sometime taking away what a person values most is a fate worse than death." Her eyes filled with tears. "He'll kill Mr. DiNozzo to get to me." She glanced down at Tali as the little girl colored as she listed to the music. When she looked back up the tears were falling. "I never met for this to happen."

"Why did you leave the witness protection?"

She rolled her eyes. "It was horrible. I was living in this cramped little apartment in London working at a grocery store. I hated it. I just…" She wiped away the tears. "I was a nanny before all this happened and I just wanted my life back."

"Who changed your name and the back story?"

Clearing her throat, Josie answered. "I guy in London."

"How'd you find him?" Torres asked.

"He came into the grocery store all the time and we always talked. I think he liked me." She paused. "I had been complaining about life and just wanting to run away and start over. A few weeks later he said he could help if I was serious about wanting to start over."

"Was he Russian?"

"God no." Josie scoffed. "I wouldn't be stupid enough to do that."

"Because you knew the Russians were probably looking for you too."

She shook her head. "The Russians didn't care they stopped caring the minute I became involved with Cavellero and once I testified against him they figured I was already dead." She sighed. "That's why I agreed to go into the witness protection program. My family didn't want anything to do with me and I knew even from prison Cavellero would have his people looking for me."

"Jalena." Bishop snapped her fingers as the name finally came to her. "That's your real name. I remember from the trial."

"Jalena Yuryev." Josie's French accent suddenly disappeared replaced by a thick Russian one.

Bishop shook her head surprised. "I would have never known."

"Gibbs knew." Torres said it and both women looked over at him.

"When he whispered in your ear." Bishop had seen the brief exchange.

"He swore he heard a hidden accent, Russian he believed."

"That's what he whispered?"

Torres looked directly at Josie. "His exact words were. _She's hiding something. Da._ " The words spoken with a Russian accent. "I got the hint."

"I honestly didn't think it was Cavellero, I would have told you if-"

"You should have told us." Torres' voice was slightly raised.

"I haven't had any contact with anyone that would have ties to Cavellero." Josie paused and looked down at Tali again. "Since I took the job with Tali, I've been focused on her. I love her and I would never put her in danger."

"But you have." Bishop chimed in. "And now Cavellero has her father."

"I'm sorry." The tears started again.

"Do you know of any contacts Cavellero has in France?"

"No, none. He kept his people tight knit never went outside the organization."

"Well evidently that's changed because he hired Russians to handle Guerro and to keep track of you."

Josie's eyes went wide. "Guerro."

"He'd dead."

Josie's mouth fell open in shock then her hand went over her mouth.

"We need names of people you're close to, where you live, shop, eat, get coffee, anything and we need to find the man that helped you in London."

 **############**

He'd slipped away the moment they saw the dead body and empty warehouse praying they had missed them by only minutes. He made his way down the side of the building and through an alley knowing the way as if he'd followed it a hundred times. The truth was he'd just memorized the route while in the truck from information McGee had given him on the phone. They'd worked it out quickly, McGee looking at the map on his computer in DC and giving Gibbs all the details. Gibbs ingrained the information in his mind as if he were looking at the map in front of him. The alley led to a twist of one way alleys heading to the main highway…a highway that Gibbs had to make sure they never reached. If they made it to the main roan they'd have no idea where Cavellero was taking Tony. He couldn't let that happen. He reached the end of the alley that spilled into the highway, each side flanked by tall brick building, random dumpsters and a few odd parked cars. He stood a few feet within the building blocking the escape to the highway.

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, once, twice, then drew his weapon pointing straight ahead at the nothingness before him. He was ready…more than ready, he was eager for it, anticipating exactly how it would take place. He'd already played out countless scenarios in his head, trying to account for every variable. The rational side of him knew he couldn't account for everything, but he wasn't exactly rational at the moment, calm yes, but not rational. Another deep breath as he heard a faint hum of an engine then slowly a black sedan appeared at the other end of the road. It paused momentarily as the driver looked directly at him before starting up again.

Gibbs' right arm barely moved as he shot out the driver's side tire, the car still coming towards him. The next shot was aimed directly at the driver, Gibbs ready for his next move if the glass turned out to be bullet proof; it wasn't. The glass shattered and he fired another shot directly at the driver. The car jerk left and right a few more feet down the alley before crashing into a building on the left side. He heard the door open, listening carefully for what side of the car it was. Raising his arm slightly, he waited patiently as the man suddenly rushed out from the back driver's side closest to the building. Gibbs heard the two shots ring out positive they came dangerously close to his head then he fired twice hearing the gasp as the body hit the wall and slumped to the ground. Another breath as he prepared for a third. His eyes darted back and forth between the front and rear passenger doors listening to his gut as to where the third man would appear. That's when he heard it, the gun being cocked. The front passenger door. He fired two shots through the window as it shattered he saw the man trying to raise the gun. Gibbs fired another to the center of the man's forehead. _Eight._ Gibbs mentally counted his rounds. The back door opened and Gibbs waited. Two hands suddenly emerged, held high above the door. A man slowly emerged arms up, hands in the air in surrender.

"Agent Gibbs, it's a pleasure to meet you." The man smiled. "Although I would have preferred it be under more hospitable circumstances."

Gibbs' eyes narrowed as he stared at the man. He knew the man instantly, had looked at his picture several times since they'd found out he was behind this.

"I admire your loyalty coming here to save an agent that use to be on your team." Cavellero stared back at Gibbs. "I respect loyalty."

Gibbs didn't move didn't speak. His gun was pointed directly at Cavellero's chest.

Cavellero looked at the gun in Gibbs' hand. "You're thinking about shooting me, but you won't." The man gave a crooked smile. "You're too honorable for that. You have morals, which can be both a blessing and a curse."

Gibbs shook his head a chuckled.

"I've read your dossier."

Gibbs' raised his arm slightly aiming the gun at Cavellero's head. "The redacted parts are much more interesting." He saw the slight widening of Cavellero's eyes. "Plus all the things that aren't in some file. Morals, my conscience, they mean nothing to me when someone goes after my family." Gibbs heard the slight groan from the back seat of the car and he felt his heart start to thump against his chest.

"If I had known Mr. DiNozzo was a past agent I would have taken better care of him." Cavellero glanced into the back seat of the car. "Unfortunately I didn't and torture can be so…damaging."

Gibbs clenched his jaw as the anger surged through his veins, his blood boiling as his body temperature rose and the desire to just shoot the man and run to Tony took hold. He knew Cavellero was goading him. Maybe the man wanted to die; maybe killing Cavellero would do not only him, but the world a favor.

"Please put the cuffs on me." Cavellero's hands that were above him went together as if preparing to be cuffed. "I enjoyed my time in prison." Cavellero smirked. "Running things from inside is actually easier than out here."

Gibbs felt his finger tense around the trigger.

"Gibbs don't."

The shout of the female voice broke the tension in Gibbs' body and he actually glanced over towards the familiar voice.

Cavellero saw his chance and at that moment his hand came down and he drew the gun at his hip. It had barely left the holster when the shot rang out, the bullet entering the man's right temple, his eyes going wide before he crumpled to the ground.

From her position against the right wall behind a dumpster, Jack stepped out holstering her just discharged gun then looked over at Gibbs. The older agent had already holstered his own gun and was running towards the car. Without thought of the crime scene Gibbs shoved Cavellero's dead body away from the back door and hesitated a moment as he tried to prepare himself for what he would see. Tony was sitting up in the middle of the back seat his head back, his body bloody from the countless wounds and his face swollen. His wristed and ankles were cuffed together.

"Tony." Gibbs' voice cracked as he spoke the name. Slowly, Tony's head came up and he managed to turn and look at Gibbs.

"Tali?" The word came out horse and Tony coughed as he said it.

"She's safe, so is Josie."

Carefully, Tony slide towards the open door wincing and groaning as the pain shot through ever nerve in his body.

Reaching into his pocket, Gibbs pulled out a cuff key and unlocked Tony's ankles then moved to his wrist.

The younger man turned, sitting sideways in the car and looked at the man kneeling before him. "She's safe."

"She's safe she's with Bishop and Torres."

"You're positive."

"She's safe I promise you."

Tony let out a sigh of relief as his trembling hand came up and touched Gibbs right cheek as he leaned forward his swollen and bloody lips pressing gently against Gibbs. His body shivered as Gibbs' warm lips tenderly kissed him back. "I'm sorry."

Gibbs brow furrowed.

"I should have stayed that night, I should have told you I lo…" Tony licked his dry lips. "I was scared, I-"

"Tone." The affectionate name slipped involuntarily from Gibbs' lips.

"I hurt you, the one person I never ever wanted to hurt." Tony coughed. "And I just kept on hurting you as the years went on."

Gibbs opened his mouth about to speak when he heard the sirens blaring down the alley way. He heard the voices asking him to step aside and finally after the third time he did. The medics scurried around Tony as Gibbs watched a few feet away. Even when Tony was finally loaded into the ambulance, Gibbs just stood there staring into the back of the car as if an apparition of Tony still remained and Gibbs couldn't look away. He heard a voice, heard his name, but it wasn't until he felt the hand on his arm that he was finally pulled from the murky haze that had descended on him.

"Gibbs." Jack spoke softly as her hand touched Gibbs' arm. "The medics want to check you out."

Looking up Gibbs watched as one ambulance pulled away and another remained. He hadn't even realized a second ambulance had appeared.

"I'm fine."

"You're bleeding."

He looked down at himself, there was no blood then he looked up at her with furrowed brow. That was when he felt it, the slight twinge of pain in his left temple as his skin tightened.

"I think it just grazed you, but they need to check it out." Her hand still on his arm she tried to gently move him towards the back of the ambulance. He finally took her lead as she walked them to the ambulance.

Still in some kind of fog Gibbs sat down in the back of the ambulance letting a medic look at the wound on his temple. He didn't hear anything the medic said to him, didn't feel the needle with a numbing agent pierced his skin and they stitched the wound.


	7. Chapter 7

**Title:** My Conscience is clear: Chapter 7

 **Slash/Mature:** Don't like, don't read.

 **Summary:** Moral compass, principles, right and wrong, inner voice, conscience…whatever you call it. Gibbs isn't sure he can keep his conscience clear when someone he cares about is missing. The one thing he is sure of, his conscience is clear when it comes to a past transgression between them. Will that memory help or hinder the future.

All mistakes are mine, this has not been proofed.

 **####################**

She watched as Gibbs paced the floor talking to McGee. The conversation was their normal exchange, Gibbs filling the younger agent in on what had happened. McGee giving a SITREP on everything on their end. She barely listened to the actual conversation, instead interested more in the body language of the man pacing before her. Once they had arrived at the hospital Gibbs had almost instantly returned to his normal grumbly self. He'd received five stitches at the scene where one of the bullets from the second man he'd taken down had grazed his temple deeper than expected. After that an officer had brought them here, St. Thomas Hospital, where Gibbs now paced and talked.

Her eyes followed him back and forth, back and forth, observing how his eyes looked towards the nurse's station every time he spoke Tony's name as if the name would somehow bring news of his condition. She saw how his pace quickened every time the door leading into the emergency department opened in his hope that it would be the doctor attending to Tony emerging. Then there was the concern and worry that seemed to fill his eyes when Tali's name was mentioned. She understood the concern and worry having seen the state Tony was in when they brought him here she was sure he wouldn't be leaving any time soon. But what intrigued her most was the way he squeezed some object over and over again in his left hand. She hadn't seen what the object was but she knew it must be something meaningful that seemed to offer some sense of calm to him. When he finally flipped the phone shut he shoved the phone in his pocket and continued to pace. His fingers brushed over the object in his left hand then squeezed it tightly. Her head cocked slightly as she momentarily pondered what the object might be. It didn't really matter she was more interested in its significance. Gibbs wasn't one to have trinkets; if he kept something it was meaningful, powerful and important to him.

As if suddenly realizing he was being watched, he paused and looked over at Jack sitting in the waiting area a few feet away. He squeezed the object in his hand one last time then shoved it in his pants pocket before walking over to the coffee pot that was in the waiting room.

She knew he was trying to avoid talking to her. Having seen the exchange between him and Tony back at the scene, she had been given a glimpse behind the curtain of the great and powerful Oz, or in this case the great and powerful Gibbs and Gibbs did not like when people saw behind the curtain. The thing was the overall exchange hadn't surprised her. She knew Gibbs loved Tony, not just from the files she'd read, the stories she'd heard, or the power of the emotions he had expressed when Tony was in danger. What had been the most telling for her was their exchange on the plane, the body language when she spoke of Tony's past indiscretions with women, breaking the rules, and the fact they barely talked now. She'd asked what was the final deal breaker, what had Tony done that Gibbs couldn't accept. Now she knew. Tony had walked away from a relationship with Gibbs.

She shook her head. Unrequited love many times is the hardest. _The biggest curse in life is not losing your love, but not being loved by someone you love._ She'd read that somewhere once and it had always stuck with her. And as happens so often with people, that unrequited love had turned to anger and regret churning inside Gibbs when he had to deal with his emotions for Tony. Even now as worried as he was about Tony, there was that hint of anger in his eyes. He took a long swig of the coffee then tossed the paper cup in the garbage. He was just about to walk towards her when the door to emergency opened.

"Agent Gibbs?" A doctor said the name and looked around the waiting room.

Gibbs walked towards the doctor calmly trying to control the hidden emotion within him.

"I'm Doctor Daquin." He extended his hand and Gibbs shook it. "Mr. DiNozzo is finally stabilized and resting."

Gibbs brow furrowed.

"He was in and out of consciousness for a while; he has a severe concussion, eighteen broken ribs, a bruised spleen and liver, lac-"

"Doc." Gibbs barked the emotion surging without his permission. He just needed to know one thing at this point, the rest he'd hear later. "Is he gonna be okay?"

From her position in the waiting room, Jack's eyebrow went up as Gibbs snapped at the doctor.

The doctor was slightly taken aback but answered. "He will be."

Jack saw Gibbs' body visible relax at the statement. His shoulders slumped forward slightly and he took the first deep breath she'd seen him take since they'd left the scene.

"It's going to take time. His left arm is in a splint until the swelling goes down and we can put a cast on. The ribs-"

"I need to see him."

"He's heavily medicated."

"Believe me I've already seen a heavily medicated Tony before."

"I think we should let him rest and-"

"You know why he's here, how he got the injuries?" Gibbs saw the doctor nod and he took a step closer putting himself in the doctor's personal space. "Well you only know the half of it. So either take me back to him or I'll have NCIS, the FBI, the police, and anyone else I can think of here asking you a whole hell of a lot of questions and turning your ER into a three ring circus."

The doctor pulled his head back in surprise staring at the man before him. It took only a second for the doctor to realize Gibbs wasn't making an idle threat. "Fine. Follow me." The doctor started back towards the emergency doors Gibbs on his heels. They made their way to the far end of the ER to a more secluded area. It looked as if two curtained off area's had been made into one. He could hear the beeping noises as they approached and a nurse talking softly. The doctor pushed back the curtain just enough for them to walk through. As Gibbs stepped in he felt the bile rise in his throat as he looked at the battered and bruised man lying in the bed.

Tony was almost unrecognizable. His face had swollen even more, his right eye almost swollen complete shut the other eye closed as well. His upper body was covered almost entirely in bandages, the lacerations on his chest already bleeding through the stark white bandages. His left arm had a splint that came up to his elbow, his right arm wrapped in bandages. Although the sheet covered Tony's lower body, Gibbs was sure the bandages covered the younger man's legs as well.

The nurse that was adjusting the IV medication gave Gibbs a gentle smile then stepped away from Tony.

"He's been sleeping, waking up for a few minutes." The nurse said glancing back and forth between the two men.

"Thank you." The doctor nodded and the nurse left the room. "I have a few orders to write up for him and I'll be back."

Gibbs didn't respond he just took the last few steps that placed him next to Tony's bed. He stared down at the man as a wave of conflicting emotions battled within him. Closing his eyes a moment he took a slow deep breath, then another, and another trying to find his center. His eyes shot open when he felt the feather like touch against his hand. Glancing down he saw the fingers touching his and instinctively he hooked his fingers in Tony's then looked up at the younger man's face. Tony's eyes were open, the expression on Tony's face caused Gibbs' stomach to clench and his heart to thump madly against his chest. His mouth parted slightly as if to speak but there were no words. Instead he gently squeezed there interlocked fingers and he heard the contented sigh from Tony as the younger man's eyes closed again. Looking over his shoulder he saw the chair and reached back with his free hand and pulled it closer. Not breaking their connection, he sat down inching the chair closer to the bed letting his arm rest on the mattress. He sat there just staring at Tony his gut telling him to get up and leave…his heart refusing to let him move.

 **##########**

After thirty minutes, Jack had finally talked her way back into the ER to find Gibbs and Tony. The nurse led her to the curtained area and Jack thanked her and after a moment's hesitation the nurse finally walked away. Pushing the curtain back just enough to look inside, Jack took in the scene before her. She looked at the bandaged man in the bed, then to the man in the chair next to the bed. Gibbs was sitting next to the bed leaning forward, his fingers laced with Tony's, his arms on the bed, his head down on them, asleep looking peaceful for the first time in days. Letting the curtain fall closed she turned around and almost ran into the doctor behind her.

"I was checking on-"

"They're both resting." Jack took a step forward forcing the doctor to take a step back. "We should probably let them get their rest."

The doctor looked at her confused.

She took a deep breath and sighed. "We haven't slept in days and if you though Gibbs was intimidating earlier, he'll be a hundred time worse if you wake him up and tell him he has to leave."

The doctor glanced towards the curtain then back at the woman.

"Plus I have to call my boss." She shrugged. "And I'd hate to have to tell the Director of NCIS you're hindering our investigation."

The doctor folded his arms across his chest. "Are all NCIS agents as tenacious as you two?"

She smirked. "Part of the training."

He sighed and shook his head. "The nurse will be checking on him shortly and I scheduled another MRI for later today."

She nodded. "Thank you." Once he walked away she ran her hands through her hair. She hadn't lied, she needed to call Vance and since she hadn't talked to Gibbs she had no idea what to say. Would Gibbs want to stay? Or would he want to leave? She honestly wasn't sure what Gibbs state of mind was about all of this.

 **##########**

Somewhere in the sleepy haze he heard noises around him the consistent beeping of the heart monitor, was the first sound to creep in then the shuffling of feet and a quick chirping noise. Gibbs' eyes suddenly shot open as he instantly remember where he was and he bolted upright. He groaned to himself as he felt the ache in his back and neck from the unusual position he'd fallen asleep in. He turned and looked to his left and the nurse from earlier smile at him.

"I was trying not to wake you."

"No I need-" He stopped mid-sentence as he went to move his hand and realized Tony's fingers were still hooked around his squeezing them tightly. "How long have I been out?"

"Couple of hours, neither one of you moved the first couple times I came in."

Gibbs looked over at Tony, the younger man's eyes still closed.

"He woke up for a few minutes last time I was in." She smiled. "He saw you and went back to sleep."

"Yeah." Gibbs went to pull his hand from Tony's and the fingers tightened around his. His eyes slowly traveled back to Tony's face and the green eyes were open.

"I'll be back in later." She patted Gibbs' shoulder as she hurried from the room.

"I need to talk to Tali." Tony's voice was scratchy and gritty. "Just to-" He coughed clearing his throat.

"Alright I can get her on the phone." Gibbs pulled his phone from his pocket and found the stored number he needed. It rang only once. "Put Tali on the phone." He gave the command and then held the phone up to Tony's ear.

"Hey sweetie." Tony's tone was full of love and softness even as his voice cracked with emotion. "I'm okay. I miss you and I love you." The tears pooled at the corners of Tony's eyes as he listened to the words repeated to him. Then he smiled as he was bombard with questions then tidbits of information about what was happening with her. As Tony's eyes started to flutter opened and closed he finally cut in. "Sweetie." Tony interrupted. "Daddy can't talk long, but I'll talk to you tomorrow. I just wanted you to know I was okay and I love you." Tony glanced at Gibbs. "Gibbs is going to talk to you. I love you."

Gibbs waited a moment then pulled the phone from Tony's ear. Gibbs put the phone to his ear and before he could even say anything Tali was asking questions, no doubt the same one's she had been asking Tony.

Is daddy okay? Can I come see him? When are we going home? Are you coming to get us?

Without any resistance, Gibbs' pulled his hand from Tony's and stepped out of the room, taking a few steps away so he could talk to the little girl in private.

Tony closed his eyes stray tears rolling down his face as he told himself it was better to talk to her later when he wasn't so medicated. But he just had to hear her voice, hear for himself she was safe. Having heard her voice some of the worry left his body and the medication quickly pulled him back into sleep.

A few minutes later Gibbs drew the curtain back and looked in, seeing Tony asleep, he breathed a sigh of relief and closed the curtain. Making his way out of the ER A he stepped through the doors and ran his hands down his face. He was glad Tony had fallen back to sleep, he wasn't ready to talk about anything right now. Out of the corner of his eye he saw the slight movement from the chairs in the waiting room. He turned and met the familiar gaze. Walking towards the woman, he stopped just a few steps before her. "Go back to the hotel get some rest."

"We need to talk."

He was about to roll his eyes when she held up her hand.

"About what your plan is, not about anything else." She assured him. "I called Leon and gave him a very unsatisfactory SITREP. He's going to want more and soon."

Gibbs rubbed his forehead.

She stood up. "Are you staying?"

"No."

She was taken aback by his quick response.

"But you are?"

"I don't think that's a decision you can make." She folded her arms across her chest. "Or an order you can give."

"It's a request." Gibbs' steel blue eyes locked on soft blue.

"A request?"

"A personal request from me."

Her arms fell from her body surprised by the honest request. "Why me?"

"You know why."

"You think Tony will talk to me, as a professional."

"He'll need to talk."

"Maybe he should talk to you."

His eyes narrowed slightly and he slowly moved his head back and forth.

"And what if Tony does _talk_ to me?" She raised an eyebrow knowing he understood what she was implying.

He stared at her. "I believe you have your own moral compass when it comes to professional ethics."

"And you think Leon will agree to this?"

"I'll handle Leon."

"If Leon Okays it."

He breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank you."

"And who are you going to talk to about this?" She knew the glare was coming, wasn't surprised in the least when the steely glare bore down on her. "Eventually you're going to have to talk about it, if not to someone else then to Tony."

Gibbs squared his jaw but didn't respond to her question.

"Are you at least going to take me in and introduce me or are you just going to run away without even telling him." She saw the annoyed glare turn to anger.

"Believe me I'd be justified in leaving without a word." Gibbs spat out in anger.

"So this is what, Quid Pro Quo. He hurts you, you hurt him?" She shook her head. "That's a vicious cycle to start and an even harder cycle to break."

"I stopped letting anything Tony does hurt me a long, long time ago." Gibbs turned and headed towards the waiting room coffee pot.

 **##########**

The nurses and doctor didn't even try to stop the woman as she made her way through the doors and to Tony's room. She pushed the curtain aside glancing in and smiling as she saw Tony's eyes open.

"Jack." He tried to smile.

"Well and here I was afraid I'd have to introduce myself." She smiled stepping in and towards the bed. "Let me guess, Abby sent pictures."

"Yeah."

"I hope they left out the story about that night at O'Shay's." She winked at him.

He chuckled and winched. "Oh no I heard all about that."

"Damn. Well I'll tell you my side when you're up to hearing it."

"Thank you for-" Tony cleared his dry throat. "For everything today."

She patted his hand and smiled.

His eyes closed momentarily then opened again. "Gibbs go for coffee?"

She just nodded.

"I'd kill for a coffee."

She saw his eyes drawn to something behind her and knew without looking it was Gibbs walking in. "Say his name and he appears."

Taking a step closer but staying a few paces behind Jack, Gibbs spoke. "Tali knows when you call tomorrow you may not feel up to a long talk."

"Josie?"

"FBI wants her turned over as soon as possible."

"Gibbs, Tali doesn't have anybody els-"

"I know." Gibbs saw Tony getting agitated. "I'll take care of it."

"How?"

"I'm heading back to DC tonight to figure that out." The look that Tony gave him felt like a punch to the gut. It was a look of complete shock and disappointment.

"You're leaving?"

Gibbs nodded.

"But lucky you, I'm staying." Jack chimed in trying to lighten the somber mood that was starting to set in. "I'll make sure you have a constant connection to Tali…and Gibbs."

"I'll call as soon as I know anything." Gibbs wanted out, wanted to leave right now.

"Are they still in danger?"

"That's what we're making sure of." Gibbs squared his shoulders. "We're not taking a chance with either of them."

Tony swallowed hard.

"We're protecting her like she's our own you know that." Gibbs never wanted Tony to doubt that Tali was safe.

Fighting back the tears, Tony nodded then stared deep into the steel blue eyes. "Take care of her until I can."

Gibbs nodded and without another word turned to leave.

"Jethro."

The rarely used name spoke in such a loving tone caused Gibbs' skin to tingle and the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. He stopped in mid step, but didn't turn around.

"I meant every word I said back there."

"I know." Gibbs pushed the curtain aside and stepped out slowly walking towards the ER doors. He might be running away, but he wouldn't let anyone actually see him run. Oh and he wanted to run, wanted to run as fast as he could, back to DC, to his house, work, anything that would keep him from having to deal with all of this and the feelings he'd buried years ago.


	8. Chapter 8

**Title:** My Conscience is clear Chapter 8

 **Slash/Mature:** Don't like, don't read.

 **Summary:** Moral compass, principles, right and wrong, inner voice, conscience…whatever you call it. Gibbs isn't sure he can keep his conscience clear when someone he cares about is missing. The one thing he is sure of, his conscience is clear when it comes to a past transgression between them. Will that memory help or hinder the future.

All mistakes are mine, this has not been proofed.

 **####################**

Gibbs didn't remember much about the flight home, he was too preoccupied. He'd made the decision before take-off, called McGee and made the arrangements. It gave him something to focus on and that what he needed, something, anything to keep him from thinking about Tony. When the car pulled up outside the house he was mentally prepared for everything that was about to take place, at least he thought he was. Giving a quick nod of thanks to the agent that had picked him up at the airport he grabbed his bag, stepped out of the car, and headed towards the house. Making his way up the steps he reached for the handle of the door and before he could touch it the door open. McGee stood in the door way.

"Hey boss."

Walking in, Gibbs dropped his back by the door. "Everything set?"

"Um yes, but there's one thing that-"

"Jethro."

Gibbs' rolled his eyes at the sound of the familiar voice from the living room. He glared at McGee.

"Wasn't my call." McGee quickly explained. "Vance."

"Can we not start this tonight Tobias?" Gibbs barked as he made his way into the living room past his friend and into the kitchen.

"Not starting anything just here to go over logistics."

There was already coffee made and he grabbed a cup, filled it and took a long swag before walking back into the living room. Gibbs rubbed his forehead. He didn't need this tonight he just wanted to fall onto the couch and sleep. He turned to McGee.

McGee knew that look all too well. It was give me a SITREP and then get out. "Josie and Tali are asleep upstairs. There are two agents outside, Torres and Paulson. FBI has eyes on the two primary lieutenants of Cavellero, there's been no movement, but then the French Police have kept the incident quiet so nothing about Cavellero's death has hit the news yet. "

"Go home." Gibbs tipped his head towards the door. "08:00 here tomorrow."

McGee nodded. "See you in the morning Boss."

Gibbs waited until he heard the front door open and close then turned his focus to the man standing a few feet away.

"We need to take her into custody get her somewhere safe."

"And I have to think about Tali."

"We need to do this for Tali." Fornell balked. "They were never after Tony or Tali, they wanted Josie. The sooner she's out of the picture the safer they both are."

"So you just want to rip away the only person Tali feels safe with right now, while her father's in a hospital four thousand miles away it's not gonna happen." Gibbs glared at the FBI agent trying to keep his voice low. "And I'm done talking about this tonight." He dropped down on the couch, took another swig of coffee and leaned back.

"Fine." Fornell dropped the work tone. "How about we talk about you traveling half way around the world to play the knight in shining armor saving the DiNotzo in distress." Fornell felt the death stare before he even saw it. "Thought you were done with DiNotzo?"

"I went to help a friend that's all."

"Didn't really think there was much friendship left between you two." Fornell ignored the glare he received again as he sat down in the chair by the couch.

Clenching his jaw, Gibbs ignored the comment.

"But then you don't have to be friends to be in lo-" Fornell caught himself before the word completely left his mouth trying to cover by clearing his throat. He'd learned years ago not to use the L word any more when the topic of Tony came up. The last time he'd accidently said it the hand drill that Gibbs threw against the wall barely missed his head. "How is he?"

"He'll be okay." Gibbs stared down at his coffee cup. "But it's gonna take a while."

"When's Jack coming back?"

"She's staying there."

"She security for DiNotzo."

"No."

"Is she-" Fornell looked at Gibbs. "She's playing counselor for DiNotzo?" He chuckled. "Oh I would have loved to see the fight you gave Vance on that one."

Gibbs took a sip of his coffee looking into the kitchen.

Eyebrow raised, Fornell stared at Gibbs waiting for the man to look at him. "Are you kidding me?" Fornell shook his head. "Why in the hell would you want her there?" He waited for an answer.

Finally Gibbs looked over at Fornell. "Because I trust her."

The surprise registered instantly on Fornell's face. "You trust her? Even knowing what DiNotzo might tell her?"

Gibbs gave a slight nod.

"Wow, okay." Fornell shook his head. "I'm almost afraid to ask what she did to earn your trust."

"She's good at what she does and that's what Tony needs right now."

"You're really worried about his mental state?" Again Fornell looked surprised with a hint of confusion. "He's been through this kind of thing before."

"Not as a civilian, as a father." Gibbs sighed leaning forward, elbows on his knees. "A huge part of the reason he left was to keep Tali safe, not put his life in danger every day for the job and now he's lying in a hospital while his daughter is in protective custody." He shook his head. "I'm not sure how he's going to handle that." Standing up, Gibbs headed to the coffee pot and filled his cup again when he turned around Fornell was standing just a few steps behind him.

"Something else is going on." Fornell and Gibbs had been friends long enough for him to know when Gibbs wasn't telling him the whole story.

Gibbs put his coffee cup down on the counter and turned around leaning back against the counter behind him.

"What happened?" Fornell watched as Gibbs' clutched at the edge of the counter a look of pain descending over his features.

"He kissed me… said he should have stayed that night, should have told me everything, but he was scared." Gibbs bit back the anger. "That he hurt the one person he never wanted to hurt and kept on hurting me."

"Sounds like an apology, with a hell of a lot of regret and…" Fornell paused almost afraid to complete his thought, but he did it anyway. "Maybe the hope that you still want-"

"I don't want an apology." Gibbs spat out the words as the emotional storm loomed. His jaw tightened as he spoke. "And I sure in hell don't want the thought that he could possibility lov-." Gibbs could feel the explosion threatening. His knuckles went white as his grip on the counter tightened his body now consumed by the anger. His voice cracked with emotion. "It took me years to stop hoping, years to not let it hurt, and even longer to stop loving him." The tears started to pool in his eyes. "I won't…I can't…" Ripping his hands from the counter he picked up the full coffee cup and threw it full force against the wall beside him. The cup slammed against the wall then shattered into two large pieces and countless shards, the black fluid dripped down the walls slowly pooling on the floor below.

Torres barged in through the back door gun drawn his eyes darting around the room his eyes quickly landing on the shattered cup and the coffee stain dripping down the wall. He glanced at his boss, the man's chest heaving, face red and body tense.

Fornell held his hands up in front of him. "We're good." Fornell tipped his head for Torres to leave and the young agent took the hint.

Gibbs shook his head and cleared his throat as he swallowed the emotion. A few deep breaths and the Gibbs control was back in place; His voice now emotionless. "There's nothing left now but anger and I'm done letting that control me."

Fornell didn't know how to respond. He'd been there throughout the years when all this had went on between Gibbs and Tony, had seen the hope that fueled Gibbs for a while, the crumbs he felt that Tony threw him now and then. He'd witnessed the hurt that Gibbs experienced every time one of Tony's relationships seemed to become serious, and he'd been there the night Gibbs finally gave up. It was a long night of Bourbon and Chinese food until they both passed out. In the morning, Gibbs went back to his normal grumpy self, made coffee and never mentioned that night again. Even that night didn't compare to the emotional outburst he'd just witnessed.

"Is everything okay?"

The female voice behind them made Fornell turn around. Josie was standing there in an oversized t-shirt and shorts looking only half awake.

"Little accident dropped my coffee cup." Gibbs forced a half smile. "Didn't mean to wake you is Tali-"

"Sound asleep." She chuckled. "The girl could sleep through a hurricane if it picked up the house and took it to Oz."

Gibbs and Fornell both half hardly chuckled.

"Agent Gibbs I'm so sor-"

"Get some sleep."

"Right." Her eyes darted back and forth between the two men as she realized she'd interrupted something. "Night."

They both listened waiting as the footsteps ascended the stairs and then walk across the upstairs floor.

Fornell turned back to Gibbs.

"It's late, I'm tired." Gibbs kicked at a few pieces of the cup towards the wall. "I'll clean it up in the morning." He walked back into the living room, lay down on the couch, closed his eyes, and put his arm over face.

Fornell stood there a moment then shook his head. He knew there was no sense in trying to talk to the man, once Gibbs had an emotional outburst the conversation was over. And it's not like Gibbs would want to hear what he had to say anyway. Gibbs had never wanted to hear what Fornell had been trying to tell him for years…that Gibbs was still in love with Tony no matter how much he told himself he wasn't.

 **##########**

She walked into the room quietly smiling when she saw the man awake. "I didn't want to wake you."

"Please tell me that coffee's for me."

"Oh sorry, no coffee for you yet. I can get rid of it."

"It's okay." Tony sighed. "Don't think my stomach couldn't handle it anyway."

"Probably not." She grinned and held up the duffle bag in her other hand. "But I did pick up a few things I thought you might want from your place." She sat down in the chair by the bed and unzipped the bag. She pulled out the framed picture and held it up. "She's a beautiful girl."

"Yes she is." Tony smiled at the head shot of Tali holding up a flower.

She placed the picture on the bedside table. "I heard the MRI was clear. That's good news."

"Yeah." He looked over at her. "Is there still a threat?"

"We're not sure." She paused. "Police have kept Cavellero's death out of the news so far, but eventually-"

"His people will find out."

She nodded.

"So you're my protection." He grinned slightly.

She shrugged. "I can be if I need to be, but there's an officer outside."

"Here to ask me questions?"

She shook her head. "Your recovery is more important than questions right now."

"Right." He shook his head. "So you're here as what some kind of therapist."

"I'm here if you want to talk."

"Vance thinks I need a therapist." He chuckled. "He does remember I'm not an agent right? I can tell you to leave."

"Yes you can." She sighed and sat back in the chair. "But my being here was Vance's idea." Even with the swollen eye and bruises on his face, she could see the puzzled look on his face; a look that quickly turned to surprise.

"Gibbs asked you to stay?"

She gave a nod.

Tony snickered and shook his head. "Of course he did."

"He was concerned about you."

"Yeah." The word came out sarcastically.

Jack's brow furrowed. "You don't think he was concerned?"

He opened his mouth then immediately closed it.

She reached over, picked up her coffee and took a sip. Then leaned back in the chair and closed her eyes. She waited, letting the silence build between them.

"Gonna fall asleep with your coffee in hand?"

"Just resting." She took a slow deep breath.

"So what not gonna talk to me now?"

"Didn't seem like you wanted to talk." There was silence again.

"Is this some reverse psychology mumbo jumbo to get me to talk?"

She couldn't help but chuckle as she opened her eyes and looked at the man lying in the bed. She leaned forward, coffee in hand, elbows on her knees and sighed. "No mumbo jumbo, no psychoanalyzing, no deciphering some hidden meaning behind your words or what your silence really means." She paused and hissed through her teeth. "I might have done that last one, but not on purpose." She saw him roll his eyes and crack a smile and it made her smile. "I agreed to stay not just because I'm qualified to be here if you do need to work out everything that's happened to you, but because I really would like to get to know you." Her eyebrow went up. "Especially after some of the stories I've heard." Another eye roll from the man. "We can just talk, as to people who have friends in common and want to get to know each other better." She shrugged. "And if at some point you want some mumbo jumbo, I can be here for that too."

It took a moment but Tony finally responded. "At least you didn't bring lollipops and ask me to pick a color."

Her eyebrow went up and she smirked.

"Are you serious?"

She reached down into the duffle bag and pulled out a small plastic bag of suckers and held them up.

Tony shook his head and laughed.

 **##########**

In some half state of wakefulness and sleep, Gibbs sensed the presences, someone looking at him. He moved his hand from over his face and cracked open his eyes. When he saw the little figure standing beside the couch his eyes opened completely. Tali was standing there in her Hello Kitty pajama's hugging a little stuffed dog.

"You okay?"

She shrugged.

"Can't sleep?"

She shook her head and took a step closer staring at Gibbs.

Turning on his side facing her, he smiled surprised as how much she looked like Ziva. Suddenly she smiled back and Gibbs instantly saw Tony smiling back at him. He chuckled to himself as he reached out and touched her nose. She giggled then made a face. He shook his head she was this amazingly perfect combination of Tony and Ziva.

Then she climbed onto the couch and lay down beside him looking up at him as she hugged her stuffed doggy in one arm. She reached out with the other and touched his nose.

He made a honking noise then made a funny face. She giggled then snuggled against his chest.

Instinctively his arm wrapped protectively around the little girl and held her tight. He kissed the top of her head and she wiggled a little bit then settled against him. He laid there listening, waiting until he heard her breathing steady and her body felt limp in his arm. Then it finally hit him… the days of worry and sleepless nights. The fact he'd walked away from Tony without a real good-bye…he should be there, he knew that but his stubbornness and anger wouldn't allow it. Then the emotions that Tony's words had stirred within him pushed forward. His mind suddenly thought of all the what ifs and could have beens. What would have happened if Tony had stayed that night, admitted his own feelings. Would their relationship have lasted or would Ziva have torn it apart. What if Tony and Ziva hadn't had that time together, there would be no Tali. Would Tony have stay, could there have been a child with someone else? Or would they still be together blissfully happy? Gradually his eyes started to close as the exhaustion kicked in and he drifted to sleep and the dreams started. Fitful dreams at first full of worry, regret and loss and then happy dreams, dreams of a life of happiness and contentment…dream of the man he told himself he'd stopped loving years ago.


	9. Chapter 9

**Title:** My Conscience is clear Chapter 9

 **Slash/Mature:** Don't like, don't read.

 **Summary:** Moral compass, principles, right and wrong, inner voice, conscience…whatever you call it. Gibbs isn't sure he can keep his conscience clear when someone he cares about is missing. The one thing he is sure of, his conscience is clear when it comes to a past transgression between them. Will that memory help or hinder the future.

All mistakes are mine, this has not been proofed.

 **####################**

She sat there sipping her coffee listening quietly as the nurse talked to Tony as she changed the bandages on his chests, right arm and legs.

"Everything is healing nicely." The nurse smiled as she gently wrapped the bandages around his right arm. "I think you have some superhuman healing powers."

"Incentive."

The nurse glanced over at the picture of the little girl on the stand next to Tony's bed. "She's adorable."

"Yes she is and unfortunately she has my orneriness."

The nurse laughed. "You ornery, I can't believe it." She said with mock surprise.

"Yeah well you're seeing me on my best behavior; just wait until I'm feeling a little better."

"Well I'll warn the other nurses." She winked at him.

"Probably a good idea."

She patted his hand as she finished up. "Is there anything else I can get for you?"

"A nice thick steak done cowboy style."

Her brow furrowed. "Cowboy style?"

"Yeah over an open flame…I haven't had one in ages and it sounds so good." Tony sighed. The minimal food he had been given was mostly liquid.

"I don't think you're ready for steak, but I could get you some Jell-O or some-"

"Soup, yeah I know the drill." Tony rolled his eyes.

"The doctor will be in later today; we'll see how you're doing and go from there."

He just nodded.

"If you need anything else just ring."

"Thanks I will."

She gave Jack a smile and made her way out of the room.

"So you're not squeamish."

Jack chuckled and shook her head. "Not about wounds and blood."

"But you're squeamish about other things?"

She nodded. "Lately I'm squeamish about first dates." She shivered. "Horrible."

He chuckled slightly. "God, dating…I don't even think I remember how."

"They say it's like riding a bike." She sighed. "But it was so much easier in my twenties and thirties."

"I think I'd need training wheels at this point."

"Well you've had your focus elsewhere."

"Yeah." He glanced over at the picture of Tali.

"Parenthood changes everything, you have to put someone else before your own needs, priorities shift and you did that with Tali."

"Funny thing is my priorities had shifted long before Tali, she just gave me the push I needed to make changes in my life."

"Well I only met her briefly before we left, but she seems like an amazing little girl." Jack smiled. "So you're doing something right."

"I like to think so." He sighed as he shook his head. "Although hiring Josie wasn't one of my shining moments."

"You couldn't have known."

"I had her checked out."

"And she had a history created by Homeland Security."

"She changed her name."

"You couldn't have known."

"I should have known."

"You did all you could."

"I should have had Abby check, but I hated having her use NCIS resources." He shook his head. "I let my damn stubbornness get in the way of protecting my daughter."

"You did everything you could and you can't think about what ifs."

"But if Abby had checked it would have alerted Homeland and Tali wouldn't be going through this."

"And if you hadn't gone through this would you have admitted to Gibbs how you felt?"

"That's supposed to be the positive in this!" His voice was slightly raised. "I get kidnapped and tortured, Tali has to be separated from her father, be kept in a safe house all so I can admit my feelings to a man that doesn't even care." He shook his head. "Not going through any of this, keeping my daughter safe and not driving a bigger wedge between Gibbs and I…that would have been the best scenario."

She leaned forward. "Neither of you should have had to go through any of this, no one should. You left NCIS to take care of your daughter, keep yourself and her safe, but Gibbs not caring." She shook her head. "He was ready to jump on a plane to Paris with or without the support of NCIS. It didn't matter to him and do you know why I'm here instead of McGee or Bishop or even Torres?" Tony just looked at her. "It wasn't because Leon forced him to bring me, Leon told him to take an agent that was all." She paused. "He brought me to be his moral compass." She saw Tony's brow furrow. "I know seemed strange to me to." She chuckled. "Gibbs is probably one of the most morally just men I know, but he was afraid he'd kill anyone that got in his way of finding you." She saw his Adam's apple bob up and down. "I know he would protect any of his team, but this was different, this went to the core of his being and even asking me to be his moral compass, he still went off on his own the minute we were in that warehouse and he saw you were gone."

Tony cleared his throat.

"Do you have any doubt that if I hadn't showed up…" Jack chose her words carefully. "That Gibbs would have made damn sure Cavellero could never hurt you again?"

Tony licked his dry lips as she stared at him.

"Hardly seems like the actions of a man that doesn't care."

 **##########**

Gibbs heard the footsteps rushing down the stairs and knew exactly what had caused them. He opened his eyes in to the soft morning sun and saw the woman stopped as soon as she stepped into the living room. He saw her visible sigh of relief when her gaze landed on the little girl curled up against him under the blanket.

She smiled as she walked over and sat down in the chair next to the couch. "She sleeps on the couch with Mr. DiNozzo a lot of nights."

Gibbs' brow furrowed.

"I stay sometimes when it's late, Mr. DiNozzo gives me the bed and he takes the couch. Although most nights it seems like he sleeps on the couch."

Gently Gibbs slid out from beside the little girl and sat up. She shifted slightly but never woke up. Instead she cuddled up to the pillow. "Mr. DiNozzo seems formal for Tony. He always hated being called Mr. DiNozzo."

She shrugged. "It's more on my part than his."

"Do you have feeling for him?"

"No." She chuckled. "Mr. DiNozzo is wonderful, really but not my type. Even if he was, he's not looking."

Tali mumbled in her sleep and rolled onto her back. Josie looked down at her then back at Gibbs.

"I don't want to put her in danger…I never wanted that."

"I know."

"I'll go with Homeland Security; it's safer for her that way."

Gibbs sighed and rubbed his hands down his face. "We'll make that decision when the time comes." He stood up and walked into the kitchen making his way to the coffee pot. After starting the coffee he turned around and Josie was standing just inside the kitchen.

"She connects with you, that's what she needs right now."

Leaning back against the counter, Gibbs rubbed his forehead.

"Mr. DiNozzo told me about how you are with kids and it's true. I saw it at the office that day we got here." She saw the strange look in his eyes but she couldn't place it, concern, maybe fear she wasn't sure. "Do you not want her to stay with you?"

"I told Tony I'd take care of her, no matter what." Gibbs felt his jaw tighten. It wasn't that he didn't want Tali here...it was all the emotions that went along with her staying that scared him; The worry of growing attached then her leaving, the constant reminder of his conflicting feelings for Tony, and the outright fear of where facing all those feeling would leave him.

"If you think-"

"Gibbs."

The voice was almost a whisper and it made them both turn around. Tali was sitting up on the couch still wrapped in the blanket.

"Morning." He said with a smile as he made his way back into the living room, Josie just a few steps behind.

"Can I talk to daddy?"

"Soon." Gibbs glanced at his watch. "How about breakfast." He chuckled to himself when her eyes lit up. She was her father's daughter, mention food and they get that sparkle in their eyes.

"Let's get some cereal." Josie said as she walked over and scooped up the little girl. "Uncle Tim picked up all your favorites."

Gibbs wanted coffee, but it would wait till after a quick shower. Everyone would be here soon and he wasn't sure if this would be a pleasant conversation or a fight.

 **##########**

Jack was scrolling through the news on her phone, when she suddenly stopped. _Well they couldn't keep it quiet forever._ The headline read Spanish Mob Boss Dead and there was a picture of Cavellero. She sighed and looked at her watched. Almost eight in DC. She knew Gibbs was meeting with Fornell this morning, he'd text her last night. He said he'd call as soon as everything was settled. She looked over at the sleeping man. Tony had fallen asleep shortly after the doctor had been in. It was all good news for the most part, no concussion, no damage to the eye, the lacerations on his arms, legs and chest were healing nicely, his bloodwork looked good, and the swelling was going down in the arm so they would be able to put a cast on it soon. Tony's immediate response was that he wanted to be transfer to a hospital in the states. The doctor objected he was still concerned about the bruised spleen and liver then he also reminded Tony of the fact that almost every one of his ribs was broken. Needless to say the doctor was in no way going to allow Tony to be transfer. The argument had taken all of Tony's strength, reminded the man of just how much pain he was still in. She'd seen him tap the button on his pain medicine a few moments before he fell asleep.

Her eyes returned to the news story and she skimmed the article at least they'd left out most of the details of what had led up to the confrontation with police. The police were keeping the kidnapping out of the story, not that Cavellero's people wouldn't already know about that. There was no way to know if his lieutenants would be looking for payback.

"What is it?"

She looked up at the sound of the voice.

"You're face, somethings up. Tell me." Tony's voice was still filled with a sleepy tone.

"The news broke about Cavellero's death." She wasn't going to lie to him it would only make it worse.

"Now the real fun begins." Tony sighed and closed his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. "Do his lieutenants just fight to take over his position or do they come after his original target." He glanced over at her. "What time were they meeting?" Tony knew the drill. He had no doubt there was some meeting taking place with Gibbs, Fornell and probably others over what to do.

"Starts at eight." She paused. "Gibbs said he'd call as soon as it was done so you could talk to Tali."

Again Tony's eyes closed and he took slow deep breathes.

"It's safe for her there. She has twenty-four seven protection of the best agent, plus all the other agents."

"I know."

"And I know it doesn't make it any easier, but you need to heal." She watched as he nodded. She waited thinking he was going to speak again, but instead he drifted off to sleep. Sleep is a natural coping mechanism and right now it was what his body and mind needed.

 **##########**

Head down, Gibbs let the water rain down over his back trying to mentally prepare himself for the task ahead, but his mind refused to focus instead reminding him of that kiss…the feel of Tony's lips tasting his for the first time in such a long time…then flashing back to that first night…the image of their lips devouring each other as they fell onto the bed desperately tearing at each other clothing trying to feel skin against skin…

 _Tony was the first to touch flesh, his hands clawing up Gibbs' chest drawing a low growl for the man as Gibbs' lips descended, nipping then biting at the tender flesh of Tony's throat. The action causing Tony's body to shudder as the desire grew. Tony's hand crawled around Gibbs' waist clutching at the older man's ass as Tony thrust his hips upward rubbing their hard cocks together. Gibbs bit down hard on Tony's jugular as his own desire demanded retribution._

Gibbs shook his head trying to shake the vision but his mind refused to let it go drawing him back with the phantom of their bodies entwined, Tony's finger tips ripping into the flesh on Gibbs' back as Gibbs took the younger man with all the unmet need of years of denial. Letting out an angry growl, Gibbs reached down on turned on the cold water full blast. The frigid water sent a shock through his body causing his mind to abandon the thoughts and focus on the pain. He let it continue for several minutes until his body started to shiver and he finally turned off the water. Stepping out and grabbing a towel, he heard the familiar voices down stairs. Pushing all the memories down, he dried off and dressed quickly. Stealing a quick look in the mirror, he sighed at the stubble on his face, it had been days since he shaved, days since he'd even looked in the mirror. Rubbing the towel over his wet hair a few times, he tossed it in the hamper and headed down stairs.

 **##########**

Heading down the stairs, he didn't even acknowledge the people in the living room as he walked through and into the kitchen. He poured a cup of coffee, took two long quick sips then topped off his cup before turning about to take a step when he stopped. He looked down at the little girl staring up at him holding her doggy.

"We're staying with you right?"

Gibbs squatted down. "We're talking about that."

"Daddy said you'd protect me."

"I will, always."

"Then we need to stay here."

"Do you want to stay here?"

She nodded.

"Then you're staying." He smiled as she smiled. "But we have to work out somethings."

"Like what?"

He sighed. "Josie may not be able to stay with you."

"I know." She squeezed her doggy. "She told me she has to go away."

"Are you going to be okay with that?" He wondered what exactly Josie had said to her.

Tali shrugged. "She says she has to go, but she doesn't want to."

"She doesn't want to leave you but it's to keep both of you safe."

"Isn't she safe here?"

"Yes but-" Gibbs tried to choose his words carefully.

"Bad men are looking for her."

"Yeah and she doesn't want them to come looking for her and find you."

"NCIS is going to help her?"

He nodded. "And the FBI."

"Daddy said the FBI always messes everything up."

Gibbs couldn't help but laugh. "I promise they're good at protecting people. They'll keep her safe."

She nodded and took a step towards Gibbs and bit at her bottom lip. "Is daddy okay?"

"He is, I promise."

"But he got hurt?"

"Yes, but the doctors are fixing him up and he'll be home as soon as he can." Gibbs smiled. "And I left my friend Jack with him and she took him your picture so he has it right next to him."

"We can facetime!"

"I know your daddy would love to see you but facetime doesn't work where he's at." He saw her disappointment, but he knew Tony didn't want her to see him in his current condition. "But as soon as I'm done with this meeting you can call him okay."

"Okay." She glanced at the floor then back up at him.

She suddenly hugged him around the neck and he closed his arms around her.

"Thank you." She kissed his cheek. "I love you, but not as much as daddy does." Stepping out of his arms she ran back into the living room and to Josie.

Gibbs just stayed there for a moment surprised by her words then his brow furrowed what had Tony told Tali?


	10. Chapter 10

**Title:** My Conscience is clear

 **Slash/Mature:** Don't like, don't read.

 **Summary:** Moral compass, principles, right and wrong, inner voice, conscience…whatever you call it. Gibbs isn't sure he can keep his conscience clear when someone he cares about is missing. The one thing he is sure of, his conscience is clear when it comes to a past transgression between them. Will that memory help or hinder the future.

All mistakes are mine, this has not been proofed.

 **####################**

Gibbs walked into the living room coffee in hand and stopped by Josie. He whispered in her ear and she looked up at him and nodded.

"Tali let's go upstairs and go through the bag that Gibbs brought you from Paris." Josie took her hand and Tali looked at Gibbs.

He gave her a wink and she smiled before heading to the stairs with Josie.

Sitting down in the middle of the couch, Gibbs put his coffee down and glanced over at McGee standing just inside the living and the younger man made his way over towards the couch.

"The news about Cavellero's death hit the news."

Fornell shook his head. "We should get Josie out of here before-"

"We don't even know if his lieutenants even care." Gibbs barked. "They're more likely to start fighting about who takes Cavellero's place."

"Either way."

"I know." Gibbs leaned back. "When do you want to do it?"

Fornell's lips parted and his eyebrow went up in surprise. McGee's face mirrored Fornell's.

"You're being agreeable?" Fornell was prepared for the argument.

Gibbs leaned forward, elbows on his knees, fingers interlocked as he stared at the coffee table. "I told Tony I would keep Tali safe no matter what and Josie leaving is the best way to do that." He turned to Fornell the Gibbs glare firmly in place. "You put your best agents on her because if so much as a hair on her head-"

Fornell put his hands up. "Already taken care of. Believe me no one's getting near her."

"I'm more concern about your agents not being able to keep track of her."

"Hey!" Fornell balked.

"Hey what?" Gibbs snapped back. "Just take care of it."

"Shouldn't take long." Fornell pulled out his phone.

"One thing."

Fornell rolled his eyes. "I knew it couldn't be that easy." He dropped back into the chair.

"Give her a better job Tobias. That's part of the reason she left."

"I can't make her a nanny, it's too dangerous."

"There's other jobs she doesn't have to be a cashier at a grocery."

Fornell sighed. "I'll see what I can do."

"And NCIS gets to know where she is."

"Gibbs." Fornell groaned.

"I get to know where she is."

"Just you."

Gibbs nodded.

"Fine."

"I'll make the call." Fornell stood up and was heading towards the back door when he stopped. "This is going to happen tonight Gibbs."

"I know."

With a nod Fornell disappeared out the back door.

Gibbs ran his hands down his face and leaned back.

McGee walked over and sat down in the chair. "You sure about this boss?"

Gibbs glared at him.

"Right, you're sure."

"I wanna know the minute anything happens with Cavellero's people."

McGee nodded.

"Torres talked to Josie."

"He got everything he could from her and we handed everything over to the Europe office. They'll let us know as soon as they find anything."

"Good." Taking a deep breath Gibbs stood up. "Keep the agents on the house."

"Everything is already taken care of."

"I'll talk to Leon later today." Gibbs knew the minute McGee walked into the office today Leon would ask.

McGee nodded and watched as Gibbs headed towards the stairs. His boss looked tired and still seemed to have a deep concern or worry in his eyes as he took a slow pace. Although he'd already read the reports from Paris, at least the reports from Jack and the Police, he had a feeling the report probably only told half the story. Even Jack's had been light on some details about the final moments of the confrontation with Cavellero. Gibbs hadn't completed a report yet, but he had no doubt Gibbs would read pretty much exactly like Jack's. Something else had happened during those final moments, McGee just wasn't sure what.

 **##########**

Gibbs made his way to the bedroom door and paused, he leaned against the door frame and watched as Tali stood on the bed and held up a dress from the duffle bag.

"I can wear this when daddy comes home."

"That's one of his favorites." Josie smiled as she touched the hem of the dress.

Tali looked over at Gibbs.

"It's beautiful." Gibbs smiled. The dress was purple with different colored butterflies all over it.

Dress in hand, Tali jumped down from the bed. "Can I hang it up?"

"Of course." Gibbs walked in and made his way to the closet. She held the dress out to him and he hung it up. "How about we do the rest later."

She nodded as she went over and climbed on Josie's lap.

"The information hit the news.

Biting at her lower lip, Josie looked down at Tali then up at Gibbs.

"So it's happening today." Josie tried not to let the worry seep into her voice.

Gibbs just nodded.

"It has to be done." She wrapped her arm around Tali and kissed the little girl on the top of the head.

"They're working out the details now." Gibbs heard the footsteps from the hallway and turned towards the door as McGee stood just outside the room.

"If there's nothing else, I'm going to head back to the office."

"Could you take Tali downstairs and get a juice."

"Sure boss." McGee smile at Tali. "We have apple and grape."

She jumped down from Josie's lap and ran over to McGee taking his hand as he extended it out to her. As they were about to take a step away from the room, she paused and looked back at Josie, the concern visible on her face. "You won't leave without telling me right?"

Josie smiled. "Of course not."

Seemingly satisfied, Tali turned back to McGee and they headed down the stairs.

"I'm not going to argue." Josie quickly said squaring her shoulders. "I don't want to put her in any more danger."

"I know." Gibbs walked over and sat down on the end of the bed. "I wanted to talk about what's going to happen with you."

"Oh." She swallowed hard. "I've been through it before."

"You have but…." Gibbs paused. "You may be in protective custody longer than you were last time."

It took a moment but she nodded slowly.

"It's all going to depend on how this plays out."

"I get it."

"I hope you really do."

"Believe me I do, I don't want to put anyone else through what I put Mr. DiNozzo and Tali through."

"Good, but I'm talking about your safety."

Her brow furrowed.

"If his lieutenants know he was going after you they may want revenge and if you leave protective custody, they'll find you."

She swallowed hard.

"You felt like you had no one that cared before, but now you'll have three people that will be constantly concerned that you're safe."

She looked at him confused.

He took a deep breath and blew it out. "Tony wasn't just protecting Tali in that ware house he was protecting you…someone his daughter loves and that he cares about." He saw her bite her lip as the tears pooled in her eyes. "You have been a huge influence on Tali's life for almost a year…She is going to remember you, as she grows up she's going to ask where are you, are you safe, do you think about her and countless other things. So think about that anytime you think about leaving."

She forced herself to nod as the tears started to fall.

He stood up. "Once I know more I'll let you know."

She nodded as he walked towards the door. "Gibbs."

Pausing he turned around.

"Who's the third person?"

"Me."

She looked at him surprised, but it quickly turned into a quizzical look. "You love them." It wasn't a question as much as a statement. She knew he loved them. Mr. DiNozzo had talked about Gibbs constantly. Even before she met him, she felt she knew the man. But the depth of the love was definitely deeper than she had originally thought.

"I'll call Tony soon, then Tali and you can talk to him."

"Thanks."

He disappeared down the steps and she ran her hands through her hair. She had no idea what to say to Mr. DiNozzo how do you ever apologize enough for what she's put them through and then thank him for protecting her.

 **##########**

Sitting in the middle of the couch, phone in hand, Gibbs was staring at it as if were some foreign object that he had never used before.

"You have to talk to him sooner or later."

Gibbs looked up at the sound of the familiar voice.

"Hopefully he's still doped up enough to not wanna talk about "it" right now."

Shaking his head, Gibbs leaned back. "I doubt it."

"Facing death can make people face a lot of things in their past that they couldn't face before." Fornell walked in and dropped down in the chair next to the couch. "You should know that better than anyone."

Gibbs rubbed his forehead.

"Just tell him the truth…no sense of letting him think there could be anything between you anymore when you're obviously over him." He tried to keep the sarcasm out of his voice but he knew it seeped in when he received the Gibbs glare.

"You gonna be a smart ass through all this?"

Fornell shrugged. "Probably."

Gibbs rolled his eyes.

"Hey I was there remember, saw it all first hand." Fornell leaned forward his voice low. "I saw the hell you went through when he walked away without an explanation, watched the love turn to anger…" He took a deep breath prepared for a possible outburst. "But I also know a love that deep and intense doesn't go away just because you want it to."

Gibbs clenched his jaw and clutched the phone in his fist.

"Ignoring it, avoiding it, burying it doesn't change the fact it's still there." Fornell glanced at Gibbs' hand the man's knuckles were white and Fornell actually thought Gibbs might crush the phone with his bare hands. "But what the hell do I know." He stood up. "I'm heading to the office. I'll call once I have all the details."

Gibbs managed to nod as Fornell walked out of the living room. He waited until he heard the front door open and close before finally relaxing his hold on the phone. Taking a deep breath he flipped the phone open and made the call.

" _Morning."_

He could tell by her tone and her having left off the good that she already knew. "Josie's being moved into FBI and Homeland Security protective custody later today."

" _Not a surprise we all knew it was coming."_

"We're waiting to see what Cavellero's people do now."

" _Cavellero's been in charge for a long time, they're going to want someone to take his place quickly."_

"Yeah. You talk to Leon?"

" _Briefly yesterday."_

"He still okay with you staying there?"

" _Seems like it, not sure how long that will last."_

"That will depend on you. He trusts and respects your decision. If you think you need to be there, you'll stay."

" _And what if I don't think I need to stay?" She paused a moment. "Are you going to be okay with that?" She waited and when the silence continued she sighed. "Are you going to ask how he's doing?" It was silent and for a moment she thought he wasn't going to respond._

"No concussion, no damage to the eye, bloodwork is good and they're going to cast his arm later today."

 _She should have known he'd circumvent her to find out how Tony was doing. He wouldn't want her to know he was actually worried. "I'm starting to think I should be there talking to you…not Tony." She heard the slight grinding of his teeth through the phone. "Or better yet you should be here talking to him."_

"Tali wants to talk to him."

" _And do you want to talk to him."_

"There are a few things about Tali we need to discuss."

" _He's going to want to talk to you about-"_

"Just put him on the phone."

" _Fine." She answered in the same snappy voice._

Gibbs heard her footsteps as she walked back towards the room, then the door opening. She talked to Tony in a low tone that just sounded like muffled whispered over the phone.

" _Gibbs."_

"Yeah." Gibbs felt his stomach churn as he heard the Italian's voice. "Tali's fine, she misses you."

" _Does she know understand what's going on?"_

"She knows as much as she needs to know to understand, but she's gonna have questions. I've answered some but I know she'll ask you things she's not asking me or Josie."

" _Josie."_

"She's leaving later today. Tali knows and she's okay." Gibbs went on before Tony could respond. "Tali will be safe here; she's with me and round the clock agents until we find out how this is going to play out." He heard the slight sigh of relief through the phone.

" _Thank you."_

Gibbs was already on his way upstairs to Tali and Josie when Tony continued.

" _Gibbs I-"_

"Here's Tali."

"Daddy."

Gibbs tipped his head towards Josie then outside the bedroom door. She took the hint and followed him into the hallway. Although they could still hear her part of the conversation it at least gave Tali some sense of privacy. Gibbs knew she needed that she had questions, some she could only ask Tony. He heard them all and could have told you almost word for word Tony's responses to the questions…questions about him being okay, when he was coming home, could she come to him, is Josie going to be okay and on and on. They would hear her go silent as Tony took the time to answer every one. Then the conversation shifted and they knew she was answering questions he was asking her. Josie's eyes tearing up as she heard Tali talking about worrying about her and would they ever see each other again. Gibbs held his own emotions in check as she talked to Tony about how everything was going to be okay because she was with Gibbs and that he let her sleep on the couch with him just like her daddy did. Then came the I love you and miss you.

"Here Daddy wants to talk to you." She came running out and held the phone up to Gibbs.

Gibbs took it and handed it to Josie. She accepted it with a shaking hand.

"Mr. DiNozzo." She said the name as she walked into the bedroom and closed the door.

"How about we go down stairs while they talk." Gibbs smiled down at Tali.

"Okay." She grabbed his hand and started pulling him down the stairs.

"You okay?" Gibbs asked they stepped off the last step.

She stopped and looked up at him with a puzzled expression on her face.

Letting go of her hand he sat down on the second to last step. "Is that a hard question?"

She shrugged.

"If you're not okay, that's okay too."

"I miss daddy." She sat down on the step next to Gibbs. "But he's okay and he'd coming home soon."

"As soon as he possible can."

"He says I need to stay here."

Gibbs nodded. "As much as he would love to have you with him it's better for you both if you're here."

"Because I'm safe here."

"Yes."

"He said you love me like I'm your daughter."

Gibbs put his elbows on his knees and leaned forward staring at the front door as he tried to keep his voice from cracking with emotion. "I do."

"Why?"

Gibbs ran his hand over his mouth as if it would wipe away the emotion from the words he was about to speak. "Because I love your mommy and daddy, they're my family and so are you."

"Daddy said mommy was like your daughter."

"She was."

"Did you cry when mommy died?"

Gibbs nodded eyes filling with tears at the memory. "Yes I did."

"But daddy wasn't like your son."

"No."

"He was your best friend."

Gibbs cleared his throat struggling to hold back the approaching storm of emotion. "Yes…he was."

"Daddy misses you." Tali looked up at Gibbs. "He talks about you a lot."

Running his hands down his face, Gibbs sniffled fighting back the tears. "Does he?" He glanced down at Tali and she nodded.

"He says you're not best friends anymore because he hurt you." She shook her head. "And we're not supposed to hurt people we love."

Gibbs' eyes closed for a moment as he suddenly felt sick to his stomach the emotions he'd buried and denied demanding release.

"Daddy still loves you and he's sorry."

Gibbs forced himself to take a deep breath and open his eyes. When he did he was looking into the deep brown eyes standing before him.

"Do you still love daddy?" Tali's was staring into his eyes.

Clenching his jaw, Gibbs nodded forcing himself to maintain control.

"Then you can be best friends again!" Her tone was filled with excitement.

"It's not-"

"Mr. DiNozzo wants to speak to you."

Gibbs heard the voice behind him and jumped up choking down the last of the emotion before turning around. The Gibbs control was firmly in place when he faced Josie. Her face and eyes were red from crying as she handed him the phone.

Putting on a smile she bent down to Tali. "How about we go hang up the rest of your clothes?"

A second later the two of them disappeared

"Yeah." Gibbs said as he put the phone to his ear.

" _I should have known Tali would feel safe with you." Tony sighed. "Everyone always does."_

"Call her whenever you want day or night."

" _And if I want to talk to you?"_

"I'm going to be busy."

" _So we're never going to talk about what I said to you?"_

Gibbs opened his mouth heard the words in his head but they wouldn't come out.

" _Jethro please."_

"I need to go. Jack will let you know if we hear anything."

" _I'd rather hear it from you." There was no reply but Tony could hear the breathing on the other end. "I felt you kiss me back…" Tony closed his eyes the memory fresh in his mind the only memory he wanted to remember from this whole experience. "You called me Tone again…you haven't done that since that night." He heard the catch in Gibbs breathing. "You whispered it in my ear after that first kiss…then screamed it countless times that night."_

"Tony don't, please." Gibbs whispered as his eyes closed and an image from that night wormed its way into his mind…their bodies entwined, locked together as Gibbs came screaming the name. He shook his head driving the image away as another replaced it…Gibbs waking up to an empty bed. His eyes shot open and he spoke. "And after all of it you got up and walked away, like a coward, wordlessly while I slept, dreaming of the life I thought I was going to have with you."

He hung up the phone walked into the living room and tossed it on the coffee table fighting the urge to throw the phone against the wall. He screamed internally wanting nothing more than to open a bottle of Bourbon and drowned it all away. Making his way into the kitchen he groaned, coffee would have to do. He'd made a promise to take care of Tali and he always kept his promises. The drinking would come later and when he was trying to forget everything again.


	11. Chapter 11

**Title:** My Conscience is clear Chapter 11

 **Slash/Mature:** Don't like, don't read.

 **Summary:** Moral compass, principles, right and wrong, inner voice, conscience…whatever you call it. Gibbs isn't sure he can keep his conscience clear when someone he cares about is missing. The one thing he is sure of, his conscience is clear when it comes to a past transgression between them. Will that memory help or hinder the future.

 **####################**

Tony tossed the phone down on the bed next to him and closed his eyes. Gibbs was right, he'd been a complete and utter coward that night well that morning, leaving while Gibbs slept soundly, peacefully, happily something the man rarely did. And Tony left, walked away from what happened, from Gibbs, a relationship and eventually his own unwillingness to even talk about what happened had ruined their friendship. Oh they both pretended it was okay, but it wasn't, it was never okay again. His eyes shot open as he felt the movement next to him.

"Sorry just wanted to get my phone." Jack said as she picked up the phone. "I was trying not to wake you."

"Not sleeping."

"Right." She shrugged. "Well I'm here if you want to talk or I can leave." She dropped down in the chair by the bed.

"Seems like you've decided already."

Again she shrugged. "Takes two seconds to stand up and leave, if that's what you want." She crossed her legs and leaned back.

Tony chuckled. "Okay now you look like a shrink."

"I'm not a shrink remember."

"Forensic Psychologist is just as bad."

"You don't like shrinks or forensic psychologist?"

"I don't like people that profile me."

"And I told you before I'm not profiling you, I'm just here to listen, help if I can."

"I'm sure Gibbs would be thrilled me discussing our relationship with you."

"Do you really think Gibbs would have asked me to stay if he didn't think we might talk about your relationship with him?" She paused. "Or lack thereof."

Tony glared over at her. "Your bedside manner could use some work."

"You said no mumbo jumbo; this is just me being honest."

"Okay question."

She put her arms out with the lay it on me look.

"How can you love and hate someone at the same time?"

"Oh that's easy." She laughed. "It's the old saying there's a fine line between love and hate."

Tony rolled his eyes.

"What come on make-up sex, sometimes when you're still arguing." She smirked and he rolled his eyes again. "Okay another example. Have you ever been jealousy, really jealousy?" He looked away and then back at her. She smiled realizing his admission. "It's loving the person you have and hating that person for being attractive to other people or still finding other's attractive. Love and hate combined into one feeling."

"Maybe you should give me the mumbo jumbo version." Tony sighed.

"Okay." She sat up straight and cleared her throat, and put on a very serious face. "Love and hate are distinct, not opposed experiences, similar in some aspects and dissimilar in others. Love is broader in scope than hate and love refers to more features of the object. Each emotion has many varieties with love having more varieties than hate. When most people say they both love and hate their partner, lover, spouse, ect. It's usually based on having positive and negative evaluations directed at different aspects of the individual. Example I love my spouse but I hate that he's dishonest." Again she cleared her throat.

Tony was looking at her completely flabbergasted.

"That was really good. I sounded all shrink like right?" She smiled at him and wiggled her eyebrows.

He suddenly broke out laughing then winced as his ribs ached. "That was good, but don't make me laugh."

She uncrossed her legs and leaned forward. "Do you really hate him?"

"No." Tony sighed. "I hate that I screwed everything up and that he won't let me explain."

"Sounds like that explanation has been a long time coming."

"It has and I should have-" Tony shook his head. "If I could go back I would, but I was young and stupid and scared…scared more than anything."

"Understandable."

He looked at her brow furrowed.

She chuckled. "Tony I don't have to hear all the details to figure out the gist of what happened."

Tony put his head back on his pillow and sighed. "And what does the gist of the situation tell you?"

Leaning back in the chair she shook her head and smiled softly. "That two people that love each other have let the hurt build up over time and it's turned into pain, anger, and regret, emotions you both have to face and stubbornness and ego sometimes gets in the way."

"Seems like you're describing Gibbs perfectly."

"No, I'm talking about both of you." Her eyebrow went up. "That tone in your voice just now…there's underlying anger there. You may have finally gotten to a point where you can admit you made a mistake, but there's more to it than that. And it's not just about how Gibbs is handling the situation right at this moment."

His Adam's apple bobbed up and down.

"He shut you out, turned off all the emotion, and your friendship was never the same after that." She watched as his jaw tightened. "And that has an effected on a person and like it or not it's had an effect on you."

Tony didn't speak just stared at the wall opposite him.

"I heard everything you said to Gibbs that night, yet you didn't say the one thing I expected you to say."

He turned and looked at her brow furrowed. "What?"

"I love you."

"Yes I did."

She shook her head. "No you didn't."

He suddenly thought back he could have sworn he said it. "I wasn't exactly in the best condition that night."

"I understand that, you seemed like you were almost ready too, but didn't."

He rolled his eyes. "Now you're psycho analyzing me."

"No I'm just making an observation." She leaned forward. "But would it matter if I was psycho analyzing you?" She shrugged her right shoulder. "The answer from you should still be the same…if you're honest with yourself."

He bit back a snide remark as the struggle ensued between his head and his heart; his head trying to rationalize everything and his heart wanting him to speak the truth.

"If you can't admit it to yourself, how are you going to admit it to Gibbs?"

He looked down at himself, the bandages still covering a large portion of his body, his arm now in a cast and his heart won. "I'm afraid he doesn't love me anymore." His voice cracked with fear. "And if I say it and he doesn't…" He fought back the tears. "I'm not sure I can handle that, knowing it's my fault for walking away, hurting him." He cleared his throat trying to rein in the emotion. "Not knowing seems better."

She slid her chair closer, taking his hand in hers and squeezing it softly, "Not knowing isn't better it isn't even safer at this point." He looked at her. "All it does is keep you both in this perpetual state of anger where neither of you can move on." She sighed. "You can't have any kind of relationship until you both work through this, whether you go forward with a relationship or you repair the friendship you used to have. This state of limbo just eats away at both of you."

Involuntarily he nodded. He knew all of it knew that they hadn't even had a real friendship in years, but knowing the truth from Gibbs, knowing that the only thing left between them may be some adulterated form of friendship, that there would never be more made his heart ache and made him sick to his stomach. Closing his eyes he tried to let the worry and fear fade away, forced himself to just sleep and not face any more thoughts or emotions. He prayed it would be a sleep filled with happy dreams of what might be and not a fitful sleep of the alternative he feared.

 **##########**

Josie was trying to spend as much time as possible with Tali before the news came about when she would be taken into protective custody. Gibbs had retreated to the basement, trying to occupy his mind and forget about the conversation Tony had tried to have with him. He was carving a piece of wood, focusing on the lines and curves of the pattern when his mind wandered. _I felt you kiss me back_. Tony's words from the call whispered through his mind. He had kissed him back, it was the most natural thing in the world for him to do…he'd waited for almost ten years to feel those lips again. _You called me Tone again…you whispered it in my ear after that first kiss…then screamed it countless times that night._

Gibbs shook his head dispelling the vision that threatened to form in his mind, but it was too late…

" _Jethro please." Tony begged his green eyes staring up at blue. His legs around Gibbs' waist tightened as he dug his heels into Gibbs' hips forcing the older man deeper inside him. "Harder, fuck me harder." Tony's fingertips clawed at the flesh of Gibbs' back as if trying to claw his way inside._

 _Gibbs tried to press their bodies closer, tried to do everything possible to have as much skin against skin as possible, it still wasn't enough for either of them but Tony…Tony refused to let their bodies separated even after they'd made love several times. It was like he couldn't stand the thought of them not touching, being connected in some way. His grip on Tony's hip and ribcage tightened as Gibbs took Tony harder and faster wanting nothing more than to fulfill the younger man's request._

" _God yes." Tony panted out the words as his body began to shake._

 _Gibbs own body threatened to betray him and his eyes started to close._

" _No."_

 _One of the hands left Gibbs' back and touched the side of his face._

" _Look at me."_

 _Gibbs' eyes shot open again locking on the green gazing up at him._

" _I want to watch you come inside me, see your face, feel everything." Tony handle latched on to the side of Gibbs' neck. "Come for me."_

 _That was all it took, one request or command Gibbs wasn't sure which it was all he knew was he would do anything Tony wanted. He came hard and fast crying out the affectionate name he'd suddenly had for the man. I love you…the words were whispered in Gibbs' ear, words he'd desperate wanted to hear for years, words that wormed there way inside his mind making him believe everything he ever wanted was finally his. A second later he felt the warmth against his stomach as Tony came. The legs wrapped around Gibbs' waist fell away and Gibbs' body collapsed down onto Tony._

Gibbs ran his hands through his hair. How wrong he was. A moment, that was all it was, a moment of believing Tony was his, when the younger man was already preparing to slip away.


	12. Chapter 12

**Title:** My Conscience is clear

 **Chapter:** 12

 **Slash/Mature:** Don't like, don't read.

 **Summary:** Moral compass, principles, right and wrong, inner voice, conscience…whatever you call it. Gibbs isn't sure he can keep his conscience clear when someone he cares about is missing. The one thing he is sure of, his conscience is clear when it comes to a past transgression between them. Will that memory help or hinder the future.

All mistakes are mine, this has not been proofed.

 **####################**

Jack walked off the elevator and down the hall towards the room that had become her second home over the last few days. She suddenly paused and smiled at the two people a few feet down the hall. Tony was walking slowly walking towards her a nurse at his side holding his arm. She stayed where she was watching as the man took careful, but steady steps the only hint of pain coming on about every second step of his left leg. She seen enough of his bandage changes to know the deepest cuts were to his left leg and not only cuts but bruises that had definitely come from an object not a fist, ball bat or a metal bar she couldn't be sure. Folding her arms across her chest and smiled as they finally reached her.

"Keep this up they might just let you out of this place."

"That's my goal."

"Mind if I walk him back?" Jack asked the nurse. "I promise we'll be careful."

The nurse looked back and forth between the two with concern.

"Believe me I've had my medic training. I won't let anything happen to him."

"She's okay Kelly." Tony smiled at the nurse. "She could bench press me if she wanted to."

The nurse chuckled then looked over at Jack. "Okay but straight back to the room."

"Of course." Jack gave a half salute and stepped up taking the nurses place at Tony's arm. They turned around and started back to the room.

"So tell me."

"Tell you?"

Tony paused and looked over at her.

"Right." She moved as Tony took a step again. "Josie's being taken to a safe house in a few hours." They took a few more steps. "She'll stay there until they figure out what's going on with Cavellero's people…once it's safe she'll go back into the witness protection program." They continued to walk but Tony didn't speak. "You talked to Tali, she's okay with everything.

Tony nodded.

"Then what is it?"

They reached his room door and made their way in. Sitting down on the edge of the bed, Tony looked up at her. "For the last few years if I wasn't with her Josie was, it just weird that suddenly neither of us with her."

"You know that Gibbs-"

"I know." Tony sighed. "I trust Gibbs with my life her life. That's not it." He shook his head and chuckled sadly. "I always had this idea that one day Gibbs and I would finally get back to being friends, real friends and Tali and I would make a trip back to DC, stay with Gibbs and we…."Again he shook his head. "A stupid dream, fantasy whatever you want to call it."

"It's not stupid." She grabbed the chair beside the bed and pulled it up to sit directly in front of Tony. "Some advice." She grinned. "And I promise no mumbo jumbo." We he gave no response she took his silence for acceptance. "Stop talking to him about what you want to talk about." She watched his brow furrow. "You want to talk about what happened he obviously doesn't." She shrugged. "So talk about what he will talk about. Your friendship, you just said it, you started with rebuilding your friendship."

"But he acts like he can't stand to talk to me."

"Because he thinks you're going to want to talk about that night and what happened." She paused. "Make it clear to him from the start you just want to talk as friends, that's it, nothing about what happened between you that night or the aftermath."

Tony bit at his lower lip then slowly nodded.

 **##########**

Gibbs looked up from the file on his lap when he heard the back door open. The familiar figure walked in through the kitchen and stopped just inside the living room.

"It's time."

Gibbs glanced at his watch. Eight o'clock on the nose.

"I'll call you as soon as she's settled at the safe house."

Nodding Gibbs stood up and was about to make his way towards the steps when Josie and Tali came walking down the stairs hand in hand. Josie had a bag slung over her shoulder and Tali was in her pajamas.

"I heard the back door." Josie look at the two agents standing in the living room then turned and squatted down and took Tali's hands. "I love you Motek."

"I love you too Josie." Tali threw her arms around Josie's neck hugging her tightly.

Gibbs watched as Josie whispered in Tali's ear hugging her as tightly as possible. When they parted Josie was crying.

"I will think about you every day." She kissed Tali's forehead. "You remember that okay."

Tali nodded.

"You take care of Gibbs." She winked at Tali trying to not let the sadness overwhelm her. "He needs someone to watch out for him."

"I will." Tali glanced at Gibbs then back at Josie and smiled. "Then when daddy comes home we'll take care of daddy."

Fornell's eyebrow went up and he looked over and Gibbs. Gibbs just rolled his eyes.

Josie smiled as she fought back the tears.

"I'll send you drawing and pictures and I can-" Tali stopped as Josie shook her head.

Josie was about to speak as the tears started to flow, but Gibbs spoke instead.

"We'll start a Josie box." Gibbs smiled at Tali then nodded at Josie.

"I would love that." Josie heard agent Fornell clear his throat, taking the cue she kissed Tali on the forehead again. "I have to go." Standing up she made her way to Fornell. "I'm ready." She tried to keep her voice from cracking. "Please."

Fornell nodded as an agent standing in the kitchen directed her towards the back door.

Tali ran over to Gibbs who was already reaching down for her and scooped her up. "You okay?"

She gave a nod.

He knew she didn't complete comprehend the finality of what was happening, but the sadness was still there.

"If you need anything call." Fornell's voice had softened from the agent mode to friend mode. "I mean it."

"I know." Gibbs walked with Fornell towards the back door as Tali's head went to his shoulder and she wrapped her arms around his neck.

Fornell stopped as his hand touched the doorknob and he turned back to Gibbs. He looked at the man before him, Tali in his arms probably already half asleep. "You're too close Jethro and it's only gonna get worse. You know that." Fornell paused expected to receive an eye roll or some smart ass comment. When neither came he took a deep breath. "I'm worried about this Jethro, I'm worried about you."

"That makes two of us." Gibbs turned around and headed back towards the living room.

Fornell stood there a moment watching his friend gently place the now sleeping girl on the couch. Pulling the blanket from behind the couch he careful placed it over her and tucked it around her, she moved slightly curling up into the warmth of the blanket. Fornell shook his head remembering what Gibbs was like after that night with Tony. It took months for Gibbs to act like he was over it and years for him to actually be over it. Taking a deep breath Fornell opened the door; he was prepared for the worst and hoped for the best.

 **##########**

He sat in the chair beside the couch looking over at the little girl wrapped tightly in the blanket. Fornell was right and Gibbs already knew it. Rule ten; never get personally involved with a case. It was the rule he always had the hardest time with, but add a member of his team, family it was even harder. And Tony…well it was always personal when it came to Tony. Now it was even more personal adding Tali, the child of Tony and Ziva, a woman he loved like a daughter. It doesn't get much more personal than this.

His phone on the table started to vibrate across the wood. Seeing the familiar name he picked it up and flipped open the phone.

"Sitrep."

"Well I managed to walk half way down the hall today and they let me have coffee, which I probably should have led with since it's the thing you would probably be most excited about."

Gibbs swallowed hard as the man's voice rang in his ear.

"But then again you wouldn't have been excited…it was decaf." Tony heard a slight chuckle on the other end of the phone and his nervousness faded slightly.

"Tali fell asleep a little bit ago."

And the nervousness was back as Gibbs' voice came back in full agent mode.

"I was calling to talk to you."

"Tony I have-"

"I just want to talk to my friend, that's all, I promise not to talk about _it._ " Tony took a breath then continued. "Although I'm surprised Tali's already asleep…it's usually impossible to get her to go to bed on time."

"She fell asleep right after Josie left, think it's her way of dealing with it right now."

"Tali alright?" The concern in Tony's tone echoed through the phone.

"She will be kids are resilient."

"Josie?"

Gibbs sighed. "Not as good."

"I want to feel sorry for her…but I can't."

Gibbs could hear the undertones of anger and regret in Tony's voice. "Understandable, but she loves Tali and Tali loves her, that's what you have to remember."

"Trying my best."

Chuckling to himself, Gibbs shook his head.

"Don't shake your head at me." There was a slight air of humor in Tony's words.

"Should have done the eye roll."

"I'd have heard that too." Tony chuckled. "I can hear one of your eye rolls even four thousand miles away."

Gibbs laughed.

"And I have every right to be anger with her."

"Yes you do."

"But I do know how much she loved Tali." Tony took a deep breath. "And I am trying to remember that, even when my tone of voice doesn't convey that."

"I know."

"I told her I understood when I talked to her today…when all I wanted to say was how could you do this to my daughter." There was a moment of silence. "Even as she apologized and I accepted it, I just wanted to yell and scream at her."

"You accepted it because you knew it's what your daughter needed… that's what a good father does."

"I'm not sure how I would have handled it if you hadn't been there for Tali."

"I'll always be here for you and Tali…I hope you know that."

"I do." Tony felt that familiar warmth spread through his body, the sensation of safety that he always felt knowing Gibbs was there for him. A feeling he hadn't felt in a very long time. "And I've missed knowing that."

Gibbs felt the vice like grip close around his heart, his stomach clench and the wave of emotion wash over him. He'd been ready to make any excuse possible not to talk to Tony, yet a few seconds later they were lost in conversation. This was his fear with Tony…with Tony everything came so easy. It was that unseen connection that just drew two people together. They'd had it from the moment they'd met…two people so much a like yet so different. And it was that connection, that bond that made it so easy to fall back into old habits, old patterns and it scared the hell out of him.

Tony instantly sensed the changed, sensed Gibbs about to pull back. "Tali asleep on the couch?"

"Yeah." Gibbs tried to let the fear drift away, tried to forget. He stood up and went into the kitchen and poured a cup of the luke warm coffee still in the pot.

"She's a rock when she sleeps." Tony chuckled. "Gets that from me."

"That she does." Cup of coffee in hand, Gibbs returned to the living room chair.

"Wish I could still do that." Tony groaned. "Now it seems I barely sleep even when I'm in bed or on the couch."

"You'll sleep again when she hits about seven or eight and she actually sleeps late." Gibbs remembered it all too well with Kelly.

"I hear every little noise or movement now." Tony let out a sigh. "Probably why I can't sleep here."

"Hospitals aren't exactly conducive to sleep."

"Slept great that first day between just being physically exhausted and the pain meds, but trying not to rely on the pain meds as much now."

"Use them if you need them, that's why they're there."

Tony heard the care and concern in Gibbs' voice. "You do remember what I'm like on pain meds?"

"Yeah." The chuckled escaped without Gibbs consent.

"Sure it's funny to you, but I have the shrink here don't want her seeing me all doped up and spouting off mumbo jumbo about how I react to meds."

"She's not a shrink." Gibbs barked. "And you should talk to her."

There was a momentary paused.

"I have talked to her." Tony heard Gibbs sharp intake of breath. "I see why everyone likes her."

Gibbs shouldn't have been surprised that Tony had talked to Jack that was why he'd wanted Jack to stay, but hearing Tony say it made him wonder what they had actually talked about. Did they just talk about what Tony had just been through or had they conversation turned to what had happened between the two of them.

"Don't worry, I didn't tell her any sordid details."

"You can tell her whatever you want, that's why she's there."

"Wow you really do trust her if you aren't even the least little bit concerned about me telling her what I did to you that night on the work bench in the basement."

Gibbs had just taken a sip of coffee and almost spit it out. Instead he started coughing as he tried to swallow the black liquid.

Tony couldn't help but laugh. "Didn't realize you'd just taken a drink."

"Liar." Gibbs said through the coughing.

"Well maybe I did."

"Gonna tell her what I did to you on the dining room table?"

"If I told people what you did to me on the dining room table no one would ever eat at that table again." Tony couldn't help but laugh and he heard the laughter back through the phone. Slowly the laughter died down and a silence settled in. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"Just talking to me…like we used to." It had been years since they had a conversation that lasted more than a few minutes. "I miss my friend."

"Me too." Gibbs missed everything about the man, but he'd struggled for so long with his feelings for Tony that even the simple friendship had suffered. "I'm trying Tony." His voice cracked as he tried to hold back the emotion that threatened.

"I know and I'm trying too." Tony licked his suddenly dry lips. "I'm trying to accept that friendship is all I can have with you…and that friendship means the world to me, and the other emotions…I'll work on getting over."

"It takes time."

"Yeah, especially when you've loved someone for over a decade." Tony blew out a long breath. "Kiss Tali for me, tell her how much I love her and miss her."

"She knows and you tell her every day."

"I know, but I think it helps when she hears it from you."

"Get some sleep. We'll talk soon."

The words made Tony smile. He hadn't heard we'll talk soon in ages. "Night Jethro."

Closing the phone, Gibbs put it on the coffee table, elbows on his knees and ran his hands down over his face then through his hair. He told himself to ignore the words that Tony had spoken; the admission that somehow Gibbs tells himself was too late in coming. He told himself not believe again, not to hope again, because if he, if he let himself love again, he wasn't sure he could make it through if it fell apart.


	13. Chapter 13

**Title:** My Conscience is clear Chapter 13

 **Slash/Mature:** Don't like, don't read.

 **Summary:** Moral compass, principles, right and wrong, inner voice, conscience…whatever you call it. Gibbs isn't sure he can keep his conscience clear when someone he cares about is missing. The one thing he is sure of, his conscience is clear when it comes to a past transgression between them. Will that memory help or hinder the future.

All mistakes are mine, this has not been proofed.

 **####################**

Gibbs glanced over at the little girl asleep on the couch and leaned back in the chair. Putting his feet up on the coffee table he closed his eyes and put his head back. He wasn't physically tired but he felt emotionally exhausted, something he always felt when he talked to Tony. It was a constant struggle, especially now that his emotions were so raw again. Taking a couple slow deep breathes he tried to let his body relax and convince his mind not to ponder what could be. The hairs on the back of his neck suddenly stood up and he sensed the eyes upon. He slowly lifted his head as he opened his eyes and met the gaze of the little girl standing before him.

"You talk in your sleep."

Gibbs' brow furrowed. He hadn't fallen asleep. Picking up his arm he glanced at the watch on his left hand and his eyebrow went up. Almost eleven o'clock, he'd been asleep for almost two hours.

"You were saying daddy's name."

Gibbs ran his hands down his face. He didn't remember dreaming at all. "Maybe you heard me on the phone with daddy earlier."

She shook her head. "You just said his name before you woke up." Her head cocked to the right. "You talked to daddy?"

"Yeah."

"Is he coming home?" There was an excited in her voice.

"As soon as he can." He reached down and picked her up, sitting her in his lap. "He loves you so much and misses you and he's doing everything he can to get back here."

She looked up at him. "Why is he coming here?"

Gibbs looked at her slightly confused.

"Why aren't we going home?"

"To Paris?"

She nodded.

"Daddy needs to talk to some people here and he's probably going to need some help with things for a while."

"What things?"

"Well things like making breakfast or dinner, getting dressed, and he's going to need to rest more than usual so he'll need help taking care of you."

"I can take care of myself."

Gibbs smirked. "I know you can, but there are still things you need help with."

She looked at him with that same look he would receive from Ziva any time he questioned her ability to handle a situation.

He couldn't help but chuckle and shake his head. "Wow, you look just like your mom."

That made her smile. "She said I can do anything."

"Yes you can."

"I can take care of daddy." She bit at her lower lip. "I can't use the oven but I can make sandwiches."

"And I know your daddy is going to love having you help take care of him. What kind of sandwiches do you want to make him?"

"Salami, pepperoni and cheese."

"Sounds good."

"Can we get the stuff so we can make it for him?"

"Sure." Gibbs was drawn in to her excitement. "What kind of cheese?"

"Provolone and daddy likes the brioche rolls."

"Brioche rolls?" Gibbs smirked. "I'll work on that."

"And mustard."

"And mustard." The smirk slowly faded from Gibbs' lips as the realization suddenly set in...Tony was come back to DC, would be staying for at least a few days, but Gibbs had no idea where Tony was staying or if Tony had made any kind of plans.

"Gibbs?" Tali looked up at him confused by his change of mood.

Forcing a smile, Gibbs pushed the thought from his mind. "You need to get back to bed." Picking her up he zoomed her through the air over to the couch and gently laid her down.

"Are you going to sleep in the chair?" She watched him as he pulled the blanket up over her.

"Chairs not real comfortable."

She slid over towards the outer edge of the couch and Gibbs bit back a chuckle. Taking the hint he slipped in behind her and laid down on the couch. As he had before, his arm instinctively wrapped protectively around her and she snuggled back against him. He didn't feel tired but as he listened to Tali's breathing grow slow and steady he unwilling was pulled into the sleep praying he wouldn't talk in his sleep again.

##########

"God this is amazing." Tony's voice was low and filled with a lustful hunger as he caressed the to go cup like a long lost lover. He took another long swig from the cup and let out a satisfied moan.

"Do you want me to leave the two of you alone?" Jack asked with a raised eyebrow and a smirk.

"Maybe." Tony smirked back and wiggled his eyebrows.

Shaking her head, Jack laughed. "Wow and I thought Gibbs loved coffee."

"It's been too long." Tony held the cup close to his face inhaling the scent.

"Coffee is one of the most common addictions in the world."

"I've already had three cups." The doctor said as he walked into the room. "And you are looking much better."

"Thanks doc, feeling a lot better." Tony was actually sitting on the side of the bed, his feet over the edge as he drank the coffee.

"So I've heard." The doctor walked over to the bed and looked at Tony. "So much better that you're annoying the nurses asking when you're getting out of here."

"When am I getting out of here?"

"Your blood work looks good, the liver function is back to normal, but I want an ultrasound of the spleen and then we can talk."

"If that comes back good?" Tony's right eyebrow went up.

"Maybe a day or two."

"A day, that could mean tomorrow."

"Let's not jump the gun." The doctor caught Tony glancing over at the picture on the night stand.

"Let's get the ultrasound back and I promise we'll talk."

"Alright." Tony had been through this before, go along with what the doctor says at least at first, or you'll be here even longer.

"How's the rib pain."

"Better still hurts sometimes when I take a deep breath or laugh."

The doctor motioned for Tony to lie back in the bed then turned back to Jack.

"She can stay doc, she's already seen almost all of me anyway." Tony grinned as he sat the coffee down on the bedside table and laid back.

Jack rolled her eyes. "Yeah he feels better."

The doctor chuckled as he pulled the gown down and Tony put out his arms to allow it to be slid down. The doctor bunched the gown just below Tony's belly button and palpated the areas around Tony's stomach watching for a reaction in the man. When he didn't receive any reaction he removed the bandages on Tony's chest and evaluated the wounds. Gently removing the bandages on Tony's legs he again evaluated the wounds and then looked up at Tony's face. There was still some bruising under his eye and a little swelling. "Any problems with the eye, pain or blurry vision?"

Tony shook his head.

"Would you tell me if there was?" The doctor snickered. Undoing the bandage on Tony's arm he made a last evaluation. "The chest wounds need to still be cleaned and covered, but the legs and arm have healed enough to be left uncovered."

"Halleluiah, I don't have to feel like a mummy anymore."

"If and this is a big if I let you go home you still need to rest, have the chest wounds changed and dressed and he glanced over at the little girls picture on the bedside table. "You're gonna need help with that one. The arms going to be in the cast for a few weeks yet."

"I know, already taken care of."

"Good." The doctor helped Tony put the gown back on. "Let's get the ultrasound and I'll be back in."

Tony nodded.

"I'll see you soon." The doctor smiled at Jack as he headed towards the door.

"Thanks doc." Tony settled back into the bed and sighed. When he turned and looked at Jack she was looking at him with a raised eyebrow. "What?"

"You already took care of help with Tali?" She smiled. Although Tony hadn't really talked to her about his conversation with Gibbs the other night, it seemed it had gone well. She was hoping maybe they had discussed Tony staying with Gibbs.

"Yes and no I'm not staying with Gibbs."

"Why not?"

"He didn't ask and it's not a good idea." He saw the questioning look in her eyes. "He wants to be my friend and I'm accepting that, but I have somethings to work through and I can't do that staying with him."

"And Tali?"

"What about Tali?"

"She's obviously formed a bond with Gibbs and you're going to just come back and take her away from that."

"She'll have her father back."

"Yes she will and she'll be overjoyed, but you still need help with her."

"And I'll have it."

She could hear the defensiveness growing in Tony's voice. "And the protective detail? We don't know how long that's going to continue."

"We're staying with Ellie. It makes perfect sense and agents are familiar with her place."

"You've already talked to her about this?"

"I said it's all taken care of."

"And does Gibbs know about this?"

"I asked her not to say anything to him about it."

"And she agreed to that?" She was completely surprised.

"She wasn't thrilled about it." He paused. "And before you ask I already have someone coming in during the day to help me with Tali."

Her head went back in surprise.

"And she's already been vetted by NCIS."

She tried to rack her brain on who it could possibly be.

"Breena decided to stay at home with Victoria for a while so she and Victoria are going to come over during the day. It's perfect. Tali will have someone to play with."

Jack shrugged her shoulders. "Guess you have it all worked out."

"I do, so don't worry."

Nodding, Jack smiled. Oh Tony thought he had it all worked out. It's so easy when you're not in the moment to make plans, but she knew there was one thing Tony hadn't planned for. He couldn't prepare of the reaction he would have when he was in the moment with Gibbs, seeing the man he loved, the man Jack had no doubt would ask Tony and Tali to stay. Add a daughter who no doubt would also want to stay and that makes for a very persuasive duo.

##########

The man stepped in through the back door and headed to the living room. Seeing the image before him, he couldn't help but grin. Gibbs was lying on his side, Tali curled up against his chest, her one arm lying over the side of his face as she snored softly.

"What do you want Torres?"

"I was thinking I want a picture of this for the bullpen." Torres had pulled out his phone and aimed it at the couch.

Gibbs' eyes opened and he glared over at the younger man.

Torres slowly put the phone down to his side. "Okay now it's not so cute."

Gently moving Tali's arm from his face, Gibbs slipped out from beside her and stood up.

"I wasn't really gonna take a picture."

Gibbs continued to glare at the man.

"Well I might have if you weren't looking." Torres cleared his throat. "I just came to check in before I leave."

The glare started to fade and Gibbs walked by Torres and into the kitchen.

"Everything was quiet." Torres followed Gibbs into the kitchen.

"And there's another dead lieutenant."

"You heard about that."

Gibbs looked over at him and rolled his eyes.

"Of course you did." Torres nodded. "And did you also hear there has been no chatter about Cavellero and the situation with Tony."

"Yeah." Gibbs pulled down a coffee cup and sat it by the still brewing pot. He looked over at Torres. "Coffee."

Torres shook his head. "No, I'm good."

"Say what you wanna say Torres." Gibbs snapped as he leaned back against the counter.

"How long is the protective detail going to stay on Tali?"

"As long as it's necessary."

Torres' eyebrow went up.

"Did you read the newest report from the agents in Paris?"

"What new report?"

"Came out about three o'clock this morning."

"What?"

Gibbs folded his arms across his chest. "The report that said one of the lieutenants is trying to figure out why Ossip is dead."

"The man that tortured Tony?"

Gibbs nodded.

Torres raised his hand and head slapped himself. "On the house Gibbs."

"Believe me I don't want her in protective custody any longer than she has to be."

"I just thought maybe-"

"I know what you thought." Gibbs let his hands fall from his chest and turned around pouring a cup of coffee. "You thought I let me personal feels effect how I handle this case." Even without looking over, Gibbs could hear Torres swallow hard.

"And I should have known better."

Gibbs grunted as he walked out of the kitchen and to the dining room sitting down at the table.

"I'm back tonight."

Another grunt. Gibbs heard the back door close and he took a sip of his coffee. His first thought was to look over at the little girl still sleeping on the couch but he stopped himself. The truth was last night he actually would have agreed with Torres. He felt he was allowing this to go on just because of how much he cared about Tony and Tali. Fortunately for him, he couldn't sleep last night and made a call that's when he found out about the report from the agents in Paris. Although there was still no mention of Josie, Tali or Tony, there was a link and as long as there was even a possibility someone might go after Tony or Tali again Gibbs would do everything in his power to prevent it.

##########

Jack had slipped from the room and pulled her phone from her back pocket. Hitting a number she waited for the voice on the other line. "I need a favor."

" _Okay let's hear it."_

"You're not going to like it."

" _I rarely do when you ask me for a favor."_

"And I need you to not ask any questions."

" _Now that we might have a problem with."_

"I need you to trust me."

" _I always do."_

"Then we shouldn't have a problem."

" _Ask away."_

"I'll call you back to ask and with all the details in about an hour." She could almost hear his exasperation. "Thanks."

" _I haven't said yes yet."_

She hung up the phone and walked back into the hospital room.


	14. Chapter 14

**Title:** My Conscience is clear Chapter 14

 **Slash/Mature:** Don't like, don't read.

 **Summary:** Moral compass, principles, right and wrong, inner voice, conscience…whatever you call it. Gibbs isn't sure he can keep his conscience clear when someone he cares about is missing. The one thing he is sure of, his conscience is clear when it comes to a past transgression between them. Will that memory help or hinder the future.

All mistakes are mine, this has not been proofed.

 **####################**

He'd lost count of how many cups of coffee he'd had, but he needed something and alcohol was off the table right now. Taking another sip he smiled as he watched the little girl drawing what he thought was the living room. She'd been drawing throughout the day, making different pictures for Tony. There were pictures of hearts, flowers, and even a pizza. The latest news was Tony could possibly be coming home as early as tomorrow if all went well. If not tomorrow then in the next few days. The day had completely gotten away from him after the call from Tony to talk to Tali and then Jack giving him the news that Tony would be home soon. He was actually thankful for the busy day the endless phone calls with updates about Cavellero's men had kept his mind off Tony's impending return.

Two lieutenants had made it through the struggle for power and it looked like a lieutenant by the name of Bolaro had taken control. The other, Di'Algo had conceded wanting to live more than he wanted to rule. Unfortunately someone was still asking questions about Ossip's death, maybe the Russians or maybe Bolaro. The French Police had release an altered version of what had happened making it sound like Cavellero had hired Ossip to deal with in fighting amount his own people and leaving Josie, Tony, and Tali completely out of the story. It was believable enough to a point, but you can never assume everyone's buying it.

"Gibbs."

Pulling himself from his thoughts, he looked down at the little girl now standing before him holding up the picture she'd been working on.

"It's great; I'll put it with the others for daddy."

"It's for you." She smiled handing him the picture.

He took it looking at the detail of the picture.

She climbed up into his lap and pointed at items in the picture. "That's me and you sleeping on the couch."

Gibbs chuckled.

"And that's your cup of coffee." She pointed the cup in the picture on the coffee table. "And your phone and the Chinese we had for lunch." She pointed to a figure standing at the edge of the paper. "And that's daddy coming home to us." She turned and looked up at him. "Do you like it?"

"I love it." He kissed her forehead reminded how such a simple gesture from a child can move you to the depth of your being. "How about we put it on the fridge." He wrapped his arm around her as he stood up and carried her with him into the kitchen. Grabbing a small magnet he keep on the side of the fridge, he took the picture and put it on the fridge his mind flashing back to why the magnet was on the fridge in the first place. The magnet was there to hang pictures, report cards or all the endless things you want to displace as a parent from your child. He'd used it for the first picture and the last picture she'd ever drawn him and everything in between. "Looks perfect there."

She hugged him around the neck and kissed his cheek. "I love you Gibbs."

"I love you too sweetie."

"We need a bigger couch."

Gibbs gave her a puzzled look. "Why?"

"So when daddy gets home we can all sleep on the couch together." She smiled with excitement.

He forced a smile unwilling to explain that that wasn't going to happen. The truth was he didn't know what was going to happen, although he did find out Tony had a plan. He'd pieced some of it together from information he'd gleamed from updates and talk between agents, and the fact that the minute he brought up Tony to his team everyone was suddenly busy. Tony had definitely made plans to stay somewhere. The scuttle but was agents were being briefed and shifted around for a protective detail at an undisclosed location. Gibbs could have found out, could have called Leon, but he could tell by the reaction of his team, Tony didn't want him to know or at least didn't want him to know until Tony could tell him.

"What's wrong?"

Gibbs shook his head and cleared his throat. "Nothing." He headed out of the kitchen. "Let's get you ready for bed."

 **##########**

Tali had fallen asleep the minute her head hit the pillow. Gibbs had laid there for a few hours hoping sleep would come but it never did. He'd finally slipped out from behind the little girl and made his way to the kitchen making tea to replace his coffee. Sitting in the chair by the couch he had his head back and was counting backwards from one hundred hoping to lull himself to sleep. It didn't seem to be working since he'd already counted backwards four times and was still wide awake. He'd just reached forty-eight, forty-seven when he heard a car pull up out front. He leaned forward in the chair and glanced at his watch a little after three am. It was a few hours early for the shift change. Listening carefully he could hear muffled voices talking. Then he heard movement in the back yard and the hairs on his neck stood up. On full alert he went to the gun safe, pressed in his code and pulled out his gun. The back door opened and Gibbs spun, gun raised, Torres put his hands up.

"Just me, you have a visitor." Torres smirked. "And not one I think you'll need the gun for." With a wink Torres headed back out the back door.

Slowly lowering the gun, Gibbs turned as the front door opened. The air suddenly rushed from his lungs and his stomach did flip flops as his eyes locked on the man that walked into the living room. "I though, tomorrow."

"It's already tomorrow in Paris." The man smiled then his eyes quickly fell to the sleeping little girl and his eyes filled with tears. "I was going to wait-but I just needed to see her."

Gibbs nodded believing for a moment that he had fallen asleep and this was a dream. Most of the visible wounds had vanished from Tony's face, there was a just a slight purplish mark under his eye. His left arm was in a cast, but other than that he looked perfectly okay. Although Gibbs knew there were still wounds hidden under the clothes and wounds that went deeper.

Taking the few steps to the couch, the Tony gently sat down towards the middle of the couch his hand whispering across the little girl's cheek then brushing an unruly curl from her forehead. "I missed you so much." The words were a soft whisper. Leaning forward he kissed Tali's forehead then let out a sigh as he held back the tears. Clearing his throat he looked over at Gibbs. Green eyes locked on steely blue.

"I should have called but-"

Gibbs shook his head. "I'm just surprised."

"Me too."

"Agent Gibbs." Another agent walked in through the front door.

It took a moment but Gibbs finally pulled his gaze from the younger man's and looked at the agent.

"Just wanted to let you and Mr. DiNozzo know that everything is in place whenever he's ready to leave."

Gibbs just nodded and the agent took the hint quickly disappearing out the front door.

"I made plans."

Another nod.

"I was going to tell you, but everything happened so fast."

Gibbs shrugged.

"I was headed to Bishop's and I just couldn't wait." He glanced down at Tali again. "Even knowing she was here with you and safe, I just needed to-"

"I get it, believe me I do."

"Yeah." Finally seeing his daughter, Tony felt like a huge weight had suddenly been lifted off his chest and he took a slow deep breath.

"You're staying at Bishop's."

Tony stood up. "Yeah, she offered."

Gibbs nodded.

"It makes sense with the protective detail needing to still be in place."

"Perfect sense." Gibbs shoved his hands in his front jean pockets. "I can get Tali's-"

"Gibbs I thought I heard-" The sleep voice made them both turn towards the couch. Tali's eyes suddenly went wide. "DADDY!"

Tony dropped down on the couch and the little girl jumped into his arms.

Gibbs saw Tony wince slightly as the girl crushed herself against his chest.

Wrapping his uncast arm around her Tony kissed her cheek. "I'm here."

She pulled back. "When did you get here?"

"Just a few minutes ago." He smiled. "I wanted to surprise you."

"I missed you so much daddy." She leaned in and kissed his nose. "Are you okay?"

"I'm okay now that I'm here with you." His kissed her nose.

She looked down at his arm. "You hurt your arm."

"Yeah, but it's going to heal and I'll be fine."

She put her hands on his cheeks. "Truth."

Tony held back the tears. This was their ritual. Whenever she took his face in her hands he had to tell the truth no matter what. It started one day when he found a crayon drawing of flowers on the hallway wall and she had denied doing it. Picking her up and putting her in his lap he gently took her face and looked in her eyes and said truth. He explained that whenever they did this they both had to tell the truth about what had happened. She'd explained that she wanted the hallway to like pretty, apologized and it became a ritual with them. He took a deep breath and held back the tears as he explained without details of what had happened. "Daddy has a broken arm and some broken ribs, some cuts and bruises and I'm really tired, but all of that will heal and I'll be alright."

She stared at him a moment then smiled. "Okay." Accepting his truth she started to talk. "I have so much to tell you and I made you pictures." She was about to jump down when he tightened his arm around her.

"And I want to hear about everything but it's still the middle of the night and you need to sleep." Tony kissed her forehead. "And daddy needs to sleep too."

"We can sleep on the couch, all of us."

"Honey I don't think-"

"Stay."

The single word made Tony pause and look over at the older man.

"It's late, you both need to sleep." Gibbs paused. "You two can take the bed upstairs…or the couch if you want."

Tony wanted to scream yes, wanted the three of them to curl up on the couch just like Tali had asked, but he forced himself to keep his emotions in check. Plus he hadn't told Tali yet about staying at Bishops and the last thing he wanted to do was explain at this moment. "Sure, um couch would be better…I'm still not great with a lot of steps."

"You two can have the spare room."

"Thought it wasn't a spare room anymore?"

"It is."

"That sounds great." Tony smirked. "I wasn't exactly looking forward to the lumpy couch."

"Yeah." Gibbs chuckled.

"I need to let the driver know and get my bags."

"I'll take care of it." Gibbs smiled at Tali. "Will you take daddy to the spare room and keep an eye on him."

She nodded as she jumped down and held her hand out to her daddy. "Come on daddy."

"Okay I'm coming."

Gibbs watched as the younger man gingerly got to his feet and let his daughter lead him down the hall. When they disappeared from view Gibbs drew in a deep breath and let it out. He was trying to convince himself not to be angry at Bishop but part of him wanted to yell and scream at her. The truth was he had no right to be angry at Bishop she was helping her family and she had no idea about the back story. And if he did get angry what would his excuse be? There wasn't a good excuse unless he wanted to tell her the truth and he couldn't even tell himself the truth.

 **##########**

Walking back into the house with two large duffle bags, Gibbs kicked the door closed behind him and walked towards the spare room. The door was open and he could hear the soft voices, stepping into the room he put the bags at the end of the bed. Tali was already tucked in her eyes starting to flutter shut as Tony sat on the edge of the bed next to her.

Tony turned around as Gibbs walked in. "She wouldn't go to sleep until she said goodnight to you again."

Gibbs walked over to the side of the bed. "Night sweet heart."

She put her arms out and Gibbs took a step closed and leaned down. She hugged him around the neck and kissed his cheek. "Night Gibbs, love you."

"I love you too." Clearing his throat Gibbs stepped back.

Tali snuggled down into the bed and in just a few seconds was sound asleep again.

"I'll let you get some sleep." Gibbs headed towards the door and heard the footsteps behind him. As he reached the door he paused and turned around. Tony was right there and before Gibbs could even think, he felt the soft lips touch his, felt the hand press against his chest, his own lips responded and his hand involuntarily touched Tony's hip then slipped around caressing the small of Tony's back. He wanted to give in wanted to crush the younger man against him, but then the lips were gone. The whole experience lasted probably a minute or less. Gibbs was about to take a step back when the fingers of the hand on his chest fisted into his sweatshirt holding him in place.

Tony's green eyes gazed unapologetically into steely blue. "You can be angry with me later, but right now I just needed to say. Thank you, for taking care of her and loving her." He shook his head fighting back tears. "If it hadn't been for you, knowing she was with you and safe. I would have walked out of that hospital the first day to be with her."

Not trusting his voice, Gibbs just nodded.

"I knew she'd fall in love you." Tony's gaze dropped falling on Gibbs' sweatshirt. "And I'm both happy and sad about that."

Gibbs' brow furrowed with confusion.

"She has someone that will always be there for her, that she trusts and depend on…" Tony sighed as his eyes traveled back up and locked on Gibbs. "But that's going to make it twice as hard for her when we have to leave, just like it was for me back then and especially now." Patting Gibbs' chest, Tony took a deep breath and stepped back. "Night Jethro."

"Night Tony." Gibbs stepped out of the door and heard it shut behind him. He took two steps forward and turned around falling back against the wall across from the door. Dropping his head back he closed his eyes and let his body gradually glide down the wall until he was sitting on the floor knees bend. He sat there for a minute just controlling his breathing and then opened his eyes and stared at the door. Reaching into his right pocket he pulled out the phone and flipped it open hit a number and put it to his ear.

"Tony and Tali are staying here tonight, it's late, Tony will talk to you tomorrow about the plans. Night Bishop." With that said and without waiting for a response he closed the phone.


	15. Chapter 15

**Title:** My Conscience is clear Chapter 15

 **Slash/Mature:** Don't like, don't read.

 **Summary:** Moral compass, principles, right and wrong, inner voice, conscience…whatever you call it. Gibbs isn't sure he can keep his conscience clear when someone he cares about is missing. The one thing he is sure of, his conscience is clear when it comes to a past transgression between them. Will that memory help or hinder the future.

All mistakes are mine, this has not been proofed.

 **####################**

Even in the sleepy haze he sensed it, sensed the presence, the eyes staring at him. The hairs on the back of his neck didn't go up, there was no threat, it was just that feeling of being watched. Slowly Gibbs' eyes opened and he was looking into the bewildered face of Tali.

"Why did you sleep on the floor?"

Gibbs moved slightly and felt every muscle in his body revolt. He'd fallen asleep against the wall were he'd slid down last night. "I wanted to make sure you and daddy were safe." It was as good an answer as any.

She seemed to contemplate the answer for a second then smiled. "Can we make pancakes for breakfast?"

Gibbs chuckled. Kids are accepting, believing the answer you gave was honest and truthful…well it was partially the truth. He glanced at his watch, already after seven, he hadn't slept that late in a long time. Using the wall as support he slid himself up hearing his knees crack as his legs straightened out. "Pancakes it is." Taking her hand she pulled him towards the kitchen.

"Do we have chocolate chips?"

"I don't think so." Gibbs almost ran into her as she suddenly stopped and looked back at him with a very serious expression. "You should always have chocolate chips."

The seriousness of both her expression and tone made he almost laugh.

"That should be a rule."

"Okay. New rule always have chocolate chips." He nodded at her.

Satisfied with his response she turned back around and continued towards the kitchen. When they reached the stove she let go of his hands. "You should make coffee first."

He smirked. "A girl after my own heart."

"Daddy says you always need coffee first." She looked at him head cocked to the side. "Do you really have coffee in your blood?"

Gibbs couldn't help but laugh. "I wouldn't be surprised."

"I can help, daddy showed me." She walked over towards the counter where the coffee pot was. "I just can't pour the water in its too heavy."

"Alright, but I have to show you how I like my coffee made." He walked over and picked her up surprising her and making her giggle. Sitting her on the counter by the coffee pot he stood in front of her and put on a serious face. "Now you have to take the oath before I can show you how to do this."

Her brow furrowed. "What's an oath?"

"It's a promise can you do that?"

She nodded.

He took her right hand and held it up. "Keep that there." He put his own hand up. "Repeat after me. I Tali DiNozzo."

"I Tali DiNozzo."

"Promise to."

"Promise to."

"Not reveal."

"Not reveal."

"How Gibbs makes coffee."

"How Gibbs make coffee."

"To anyone."

"To anyone."

"Except."

"Except."

"In case of an emergence."

"In case of an emergence."

"If I break this promise."

"If I break this promise."

"Punishment is." Gibbs saw her eyes widen slightly at the word.

"Punishment is."

"Being tickled."

"Being tickled."

"Until I almost pee my pants."

She laughed. "Gibbbbbbs." The name was long and drawn out.

"You have to say it." He tried to keep a straight face.

"Until I almost pee my pants." She tried to be serious but started laughing again.

"Okay I can show you now." He walked over to the fridge and pulled out a jug of water. Returning he opened the top of the coffee pot and filled the water reservoir to the max line. "Filtered water not tap water." He grabbed the tea kettle sitting on the counter and filled it will about a cup of water. He walked over and placed it on the stove turning the burner on to high. Reaching up into the cabinet he pulled down a small container of coffee that was already ground. He'd done it last night when he thought he was going to make a pot of coffee before Tony arrived. He opened the top of the coffee pot. "We use a gold filter, no paper."

She looked into the coffee maker and saw the gold filter already there and nodded.

Opening the drawer beside her he pulled out a small measuring cup. "Three full scoops." He handed her the scoop and held the bag open.

She dipped the scoop in the bag and drew it out carefully moving it from the bag to the coffee pot filter. She repeated the process two more times then smiled proudly as she looked at Gibbs. "Now what."

"We wait."

"For what?"

He held up his finger and a couple seconds later the tea kettle started to whistle. Walking over he turned the stove off and brought the kettle to the coffee pot. "We have to make the coffee bloom."

Her brow furrowed but she watched as he poured the water slowly over the grounds wetting them all. Putting the kettle back on the stove, he walked back over and smiled.

"What does it bloom into?"

Gibbs chuckled. "Bloom for the coffee means letting go of all the gasses that are trapped in the coffee beans. Makes the coffee taste better."

She looked down into the coffee grounds. "Bloom coffee bloom."

He laughed. "Okay that's enough. Close the top."

She closed the top.

"And press that button." He pointed to the power button. She pressed it and the blue light came on. "And now we wait."

She smiled happily. "Did daddy take the oath?"

Gibbs tried to hide his emotion, but he knew the frivolity drained from his face. He cleared his throat and forced a smile. "Yeah, daddy took the oath a long time ago."

"Can we make pancakes while we wait?"

"Yes we can." He picked her up and put her down on the ground. "And I have something you can use to help." Opening the cabinet under the coffee pot, Gibbs pulled out a wooden step stool. It was handmade, carved with little flowers on the legs and a large flower wood burned into the top. He'd made it almost a life time ago when Kelly was about Tali's age. "You have to be careful okay."

She nodded repeatedly.

Walking over he placed it in front of the counter by the stove and she carefully stepped up on it.

"It's perfect." She smiled.

"Yes it is." He sighed wistfully then kissed the top of her head. "Almost perfect."

 **##########**

He heard the muted voices and laughter in his dream, two voices that were as much a part of him as the heart that beat inside his chest; One the voice of a man that he'd know over a decade and loved almost as long, the other the voice of the little girl that was part of him and that he couldn't imagine his life without. In the dream they were all laying on the couch, him and Gibbs cuddled together, Tali between them looking at a book while he and Gibbs read the story in outlandish voices. He sighed as the dream started to fade and his mind awake realizing the laughter was actually outside the closed bedroom door. His eyes opened and he rolled onto his back. Looking over at the bed beside him he smiled as he saw Tali's little stuffed doggy. Then the laughter started again and he laid there just listening to the beautiful sound. It was an almost perfect scenario…yet he knew that there was one major imperfection…and that was the fact that it was all about to end. Today they would pack up and be at Bishop's before dinner.

Tony ran his hands down his face. He wondered how long it would be before they talked again, actually talked. Sure they would see each other, the protective detail was still in place and Gibbs and the team were leading the case, but they would interact on a superficial level. Their friendship would be better than it had been, but it would still be strained…how could it not be when he wanted more and Gibbs didn't. Sitting up, he put his legs over the side of the bed and felt the slight pain in his ribs. Those were definitely going to take some time to heal. Slowly standing up, he started towards the bedroom door as soon as he opened it the muted laughter hit him full force. He made his way towards the kitchen stopping just inside the dining room where he could see the activity and a wide grin spread over his face. Gibbs was standing in front of the stove spatula in hand as he glanced down at the pan on the burner. Tali was standing next to him holding a large spoon.

"It only has one ear." She laughed.

"Well give it another ear." Gibbs quipped playfully.

Tali stuck the spoon in a bowl in front of her on the counter collecting more batter then carefully dripped it into the pan.

"That's better." Gibbs grinned then looked over at her. "Mickey Mouse was easier."

"We can't just make Mickey Mouse." Tali rolled her eyes.

"How about a blob?"

"Gibbs." She rolled her eyes and her head.

"I like blobs." The hairs on the back of Gibbs' neck suddenly stood up and he looked over his steely blue eyes meeting green.

"I like blobs too." Tony smiled.

"Daddy we're making pancakes."

"I see that." Tony took the last few steps into the kitchen standing by the stove.

"How are you feeling?"

Tony shrugged. "Sore as heck, but okay." He sighed thankfully. "Oh but I sleep so great. It was so nice not to be poked and prodded every few hours."

"I'm glad you slept in." Gibbs couldn't pull his eyes away from the other man.

"Gibbs don't let it burn." Tali tugged at the arm of Gibbs shirt.

"Right." Using the spatula he flipped the bunny pancake.

"And what a great way to wake up, my two favorite people making breakfast." Tony made his way over behind Tali and saw the plate with already done pancakes. There were several different shapes, Mickey Mouse, bunnies, and something he thought was either a dinosaur or a giraffe.

Seeing Tony staring at the completed pancakes, Gibbs leaned over and whispered. "dinosaur."

Tony bit back a chuckle. "Those look great." He kissed the top of Tali's head.

"Guess what?" She looked up at him. "Gibbs taught me how to make his coffee."

Tony felt the emotional reminder like a punch to the gut.

"I took the oath." She smiled.

Tony managed to nod fighting back the regret that lodged in his throat. He'd taken that oath…it happened the same night…their night together and the night he'd walked away.

"What's wrong?" She looked at her dad puzzled by his odd expression.

He shook his head and tried to shake away the emotion. "Nothing." He glanced and saw the same pained expression on Gibbs' face and he had to look away. Instead he focused on Tali. "Wow Gibbs must really trust you if he told you the secrets of making his coffee."

"He loves me." She looked up at him as if to confirm her statement.

"Yes I do." He brushed an unruly curl from her forehead.

"I think it done." She looked back in the pan at the bunny pancake.

"I think so." Scooping the pancake out, Gibbs put it on the plate. "I think that's enough for now."

"Time to eat." She proclaimed as she jumped down from the stool.

Tony picked up the pancakes and headed towards the table as Gibbs grabbed plates and silverware. Dropping those off at the table, Gibbs grabbed the syrup from the fridge and headed back. Tali was already putting a couple pancakes on her plate and Tony followed her lead.

"Coffee?" Gibbs looked at Tony.

"That would be great."

"Cream and sugar."

"Just cream if you have it."

Gibbs nodded as he disappeared back into the kitchen returning quickly with a cup of coffee with cream for Tony. He took the seat at the head of the table and picked a couple pancakes for himself. They ate in relative silence for a while until Tali finally spoke.

"Do you like them daddy?"

"They're great, best thing I've had in days."

She smiled proudly and took another bite before talking again. "Uncle Nick taught me a new song."

"Uncle Nick huh?"

"He's been on protective duty a lot." Gibbs explained.

"I'll sing it to you later."

"I'd like that." Tony smiled at her.

She took the last couple bites of her pancakes. "Can I go get the pictures I drew?"

"Of course." Tony watched as she ran off to the living room and came back. She climbed up into his lap and Gibbs saw him wince. She laid the pictures down on the table and started showing him one by one.

"This is a heart for you because I love you so much."

Gibbs watched as Tony's arm wrapped tightly around the little girl.

"And flowers so you feel better." She flipped to another one. "And a pizza because it's your favorite."

"Oh we are so getting pizza tonight." Tony groaned longingly.

"No we're going to have sandwiches." She glanced up at him. "Gibbs got all your favorites so I can make you sandwiches to help take care of you."

"He did?" Tony glanced over at Gibbs.

"You can take it with you." Gibbs tried to push off the conversation that he knew was coming. Unfortunately Tali was a smart girl and caught it.

"Take it with you where?"

"Well um-We're going to stay with Aunt Ellie for a while."

"Why?"

"Because we still need to have people around us for protection and I still have to heal up."

"But why do we have to go to Aunt Ellie's, why can't we stay here?" She turned to Gibbs her face filled with worry. "Why do we have to leave? I thought I was safe here? I thought you liked having me here?"

"Of course I like having you here, I love having you here" The questions broke Gibbs' heart.

"Then why do we have to leave?" She turned back to her dad.

Tony opened his mouth as if to speak then paused. "It's just better if we stay with Aunt Ellie for a while. Gibbs has work to do."

"I can be quiet."

"I know you can that's not the point." Tony sighed not sure how to explain it without talking about the truth behind it all.

"Then what's the point?"

The two men both looked at the little girl, surprised by snarky attitude and facial expression.

"Do you need a time out?" Tony snapped back.

The attitude fell from her face, but her voice was still full of a mix of sadness and anger. "I don't understand."

"I know but-" She jumped down from Tony's lap before he could stop her. "Tali."

She didn't stop at the sound of her name is ran off towards the spare room.

Tony let out a long sigh. "Well that didn't go as planned."

Gibbs put down his fork and pushed the plate away from him. "You can stay here."

"I don't think-"

"It's a good idea, I get it." Gibbs leaned back in the chair.

"I can't just give into her because she throws a temper tantrum."

"No you can't, but it's not just about having a tantrum." Gibbs took a deep breath. "You made this decision because of us." He looked at Tony and saw the truth on the younger man's face. "But that's not the only consideration."

Tony swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat as he fought back the emotion. "I can't stay here Gibbs."

Gibbs was taken aback by the fear that punctuated the words. "I thought you wanted our friendship back?"

"I do." Tony bit at his lower lip. "But staying here's a little too much for me to deal with right now."

Gibbs suddenly looked down at the plate. "Would it matter if I told you that I want you to stay?"

"No." Tony's answer was instantaneous. He felt the hurt radiating off the older man the moment the word left his mouth and he suddenly felt the need to explain. "Because the reasons you want me to stay are completely different than the reason why I wanna be here."

Gibbs nodded a few times then stood up, picked up the plates from the table, and went into the kitchen. Putting the empty plates in the sink, he stood there taking deep breaths as he tried to center himself, but then he heard the footsteps and felt the man's presence behind him. His eyes closed as he felt the hand gently touch the small of his back…his body felling ever minute movement of the fingers against the fabric of his sweatshirt.

"I love you Jethro and that kiss last night was me restraining myself…and I'm not sure how long that restraint would last with me staying here." Tony let his hand slowly drift from Gibbs' back. "And I don't want to cross that line and ruin a chance of at least salvaging our friendship."

Gibbs put his hands on the edge of the counter and shook his head the emotions threatening. "I don't even know where the line even is with you anymore."

Tony leaned back against the counter beside Gibbs. "It's wherever you want it to be."

Gibbs grip on the counter tightened, his knuckles going white with the strain.

"Tell me know you feel, what you're thinking, tell me whatever it is you want to say."

Staring down into the sink, Gibbs somehow found the courage to say things he'd wanted to say to the younger man for years. "I loved you for so long, so long but after you walked away that night I hated you...hated you with every fiber of my being. And that hate ate away at any ounce of love that remained until there was nothing, no love, no hate, nothing, just an emptiness where I use to keep any emotion I had for you." Every muscle in his body was tense. "After everything else that happened after that and our friendship barely existed, I resigned myself to that emptiness." He took a moment then continued. "But then Tali and Josie showed up and we knew something happened to you." He shook his head. "The love all came rushing back like some tidal wave that I couldn't control and I was ready to kill anyone that got in my way." The tears were pooling in Gibbs' eyes. "When I saw you there in that car, bloody and beaten and you kissed me I wanted nothing more than to let you back in." Sniffling he fought back the tears. "At the hospital, when I knew you were okay all the old memories of why I was so angry at you pushed themselves to the surface and settled in the pit of my stomach...and I hated you all over again for all the pain you caused that night and the years after it." He finally looked up and directly at Tony. The younger man was crying and Gibbs didn't care because he needed to say this, all of it. "And that's where the line is, right down the center of this strange dichotomy of emotions I have for you right now." He paused. "And I don't know which side of the line I'm on other than to tell you…when you kissed me last night part of me wanted to never let it end and part of me what to push you away as far away as possible." Overwhelmed by emotion, Gibbs' hand left the counter and shot out latching on to the side of Tony's neck as his lips crashed down onto the younger man's. The kiss was searing, a desperate need to release some of the pent up frustration at his uncontrollable emotions.

Tony surrendered the minute Gibbs' hand touched him, he allowed Gibbs to devour him whimpered with need when the tongue slipped across his lips and he tasted the bitterness of coffee and the sweetness of the syrup. His arm snaked around Gibbs' waist, his hand clawing its way up Gibbs' back. God he wanted Gibbs to take him, wanted the man to make love to him with all the love and anger that haunted the older man. He wanted his body to be the alter, Gibbs' anger the sacrifice that would somehow bring them back to that place of love that had been that night together. Instead Tony felt the lips being pulled away, violently, causing him to lick his lips. His eyes opened and met steely blue. "I can taste the anger… and I'm sorry."

Gibbs suddenly took a step back, separating himself from the younger man.

"I can never take back what happened, if I could I would, but at some pointed I wish you'd at least let me try and explain, not that you need or want an explanation, but I'd like to try and give you some sense what I was feeling."

Gibbs forced himself to nod as he took another step backwards still feeling the intense pull to the man.

"For now just know I live with the regret of walking away from you that night, every minute, of every day."

"Stay, please." Gibbs saw the concern still there deep in the green eyes. "Stay not because of what you want to happen between us, but because I promise to stop being a stubborn ass and talk about what did happen. And because our friendship whatever's left of it needs some repair."

Not trusting his voice, Tony nodded in agreement.

The back door opened and Torres strolled in. "Shift change just…arrived…and." He paused sensing the tension in the room and seeing the intense look between the two men. "I am interrupting." He turned on his heels about to make a quick exit.

"Torres Sitrep." Gibbs barked stopping the man in mid retreat.

"I'll go talk to Tali." Tony stammered as he quickly headed from the kitchen.

"Really I can come back later." Torres received the boss glare. Oh he wasn't sure what he'd interrupted but it was big. Tony had definitely been crying and even now Gibbs looked on the verge.


	16. Chapter 16

**Title:** My Conscience is clear Chapter 16

 **Slash/Mature:** Don't like, don't read.

 **Summary:** Moral compass, principles, right and wrong, inner voice, conscience…whatever you call it. Gibbs isn't sure he can keep his conscience clear when someone he cares about is missing. The one thing he is sure of, his conscience is clear when it comes to a past transgression between them. Will that memory help or hinder the future.

All mistakes are mine, this has not been proofed.

 **####################**

Tony reached the half closed bedroom door and gently pushed it open. He leaned against the door frame and looked at his daughter. She was sitting on the bed cross legged, her stuffed dog in her arms just staring down at the bed spread. She glanced up at him then back down as he took the few steps into the room and sat down on the edge of the side of the bed.

"Tantrums are not how we deal with issues we have." Tony's voice wasn't angry just stating a fact.

She didn't respond.

"We talk, like we always do."

"We're safe here." She paused. "And I want to stay."

"I get that."

"And you didn't talk to me."

Tony winced to himself he knew that was going to come up. "I know and I'm sorry about that. I should have talked to you about what was going to happen when I got out of the hospital."

"Yeah, you should have." She looked down at her dog.

"It was a strange situation and I was trying to make the best decision for both of us."

"It's not the best decision." Like her father the statement didn't hold any anger it was just a statement of fact the way she saw it.

"Maybe not, but it seemed like the best decision at the time."

"You love Gibbs why don't you want to stay?"

Tony sighed trying to figure out if there was an easy way to explain this.

"And he loves you too, he told me."

He smiled and brushed the hair from her forehead. "I know, but two people can love each other and be mad at each other." He paused. "Just like you're mad at me but you still love me." He looked at her. "You do still love me right?"

"Of course, I always love you."

"Good." Tony smiled. "But that's how Gibbs and I are right now."

"He's mad because you did things that hurt him?"

Tony nodded. He'd explained in simple terms about a year ago to her that he'd hurt Gibbs and that's why they didn't really talk.

"But you can say you're sorry and it will be all better."

Tony sighed. "It's not that easy sweetie."

"Why?"

"Because relationships are different sometimes with adults."

"Because you wanna kiss him."

Tony chuckled. "That's part of it and a lot of other things."

"Does Gibbs wanna kiss you?"

"Sometimes." Tony smiled. "But what's important is Gibbs and I are friends and we're going to work on being better friends. And the most important thing is that Gibbs loves you no matter what and that won't change if we stay somewhere else or when we go back to Paris."

She put down her doggy and stood up walking over to Tony and putting her arms around her neck, she kissed his cheek. "I love you daddy. I'm sorry."

"I love you too." He hugged her tightly and kissed her cheek. "And I'm sorry too." Pulling back he looked at Tali. "And after rethinking things and talking to Gibbs, we are going to stay here." Her eyes went wide. "If you still want to."

"I want to!" Her eyes lit up and her smiled filled her face. Then her expression softened. "Do you want to stay here?"

He smiled. "I do."

She jumped up and down on the bed. "Me and Gibbs are going to make you sandwiches for lunch."

"That's right."

"And we can order pizza for dinner." She kissed her dad on the nose. "I'm already hungry."

Tony laughed. "You are a DiNozzo."

 **##########**

"Everything's quiet at the Gibbs BB." Torres said with a smirk.

Gibbs rolled his eyes. "Any news about Bolaro now that he's taken over?"

"Actual news about Di'Algo, the other lieutenant. He's looking for dirt on Bolaro, that maybe Bolaro was always after Cavellero's job."

"Di'Algo figures dirt is the way to take power from Bolaro."

Torres nodded. "And Di'Algo is our bigger problem, he knew Josie when she was dating Cavellero. He may be the one asking questions about Ossip's death." Torres shrugged. "The Russians seem to care less about Ossip or any of it. Hasn't been any chatter or movement with them."

"Let the agents know there won't be a shift change to Bishop's place, Tony and Tali are staying here."

Torres' brow furrowed. "Um, okay."

"Problem?" Gibbs glared at the younger man.

"No, No problem." Torres shook his head.

Gibbs looked at Torres trying to figure out why the younger man looked so confused. His eyes suddenly widened as he realized why Torres looked so confused. Turning around, Gibbs walked out of the kitchen and made his way to the spare room. His pace slowed as he approached and heard the voices. He stopped at the edge of the door listening to the conversation between Tony and Tali, coming in just as Tali said you did think that hurt him. Leaning back against the wall, he let out a soft sigh. Kids can be more intuitive than you think sometimes.

 **##########**

When Tony and Tali emerged from the spare room, Tali was dressed and walking hand in hand with her dad. They paused in the living room, Tony surprised when it was empty.

"Where did Gibbs go?" Tali asked looking up at her dad.

"He had to make a few calls." Torres walked in from the kitchen. "He needed some privacy so he's in the basement." Torres smiled and winked at Tali. "I thought you might be up for another game of slap jack." Torres cocked an eyebrow. "I think I might be able to win this time."

"You never win." Tali grin.

Torres focused back on Tony. "Unless you two have plans? Or you're welcome to play."

"You two play I'll watch." Tony let go of Tali's hand and she took off for the kitchen. He could hear the drawer open and close and she came back with a deck of cards.

Sitting down on the floor on one side of the coffee table, Torres took the position across from her. She opened the deck of cards and handed them to Torres; he shuffled then dealt them out.

Tony sat down on the couch and watched as the game began. It took seven or eight flips before a jack appeared and Tali slapped her hand over it as Torres' hand came down over hers.

"To slow." She grinned as she slid the pile of cards towards her.

The game continued and Tony watched surprised at how good Torres was with her. It was obvious to Tony; Torres was letting her win taking a jack only when there was a small pile of cards under it. The two of them were laughing and joking as they played. Tony realizing how blessed he was to not only have Gibbs caring about Tali why he was away but the whole team, even Torres who only knew Tony by way of the rest of the team.

"Juice break." Tali called out as she got up and ran into the kitchen.

"There's no juice breaks in Slap Jack!" He hollered towards her. "And bring me an apple one."

"Okay." She said as she opened the fridge. "You want one daddy?"

"I'm good." Tony looked at Torres. "Thanks."

"For what?"

"Helping take care of her, protect her." Tony sighed. "I know we really don't know each other, just through everyone else, but it means a lot to me."

"She's a great kid." Torres felt the bump against his side and looked over at Tali holding out the juice box to him. "Thank you." He took the juice. "Just the boost I need to beat you at this next game."

She rolled her eyes as she sat back down across from him. "I don't think so."

Torres looked up at Tony again. "And we're all family here and I've come to realize that's important."

"Yes it is." Tony smiled down at Tali.

 **##########**

"You fed me false information." Gibbs snapped.

" _I didn't feed you anything. All the updates you received were the same as everyone else." He paused. "Sound like you overheard information that you are trying to blame on me."_

"The shifting around of agents, movement of a protective detail to an undisclosed location, it was all there Leon." Gibbs was pacing.

" _A plan was in place."_

"In place?"

" _If the need a rose."_

Gibbs stopped pacing and shook his head. "You never made the final call to move them to Bishop's."

" _The plan was in place if it became necessary." Leon paused. "Is it necessary?"_

Gibbs didn't respond.

" _I know everyone things your some enigma they can't figure out." Leon bit back a chuckle. "But sometimes you're just a man; a man that will do what any man would do to protect his own." Again Leon was met with silence. "You run off to Paris, with or without my consent to rescue Tony and you honestly think I would believe you'd let those two leave that house?" This time he actually chuckled. "Give me a little credit Gibbs."_

"Bolaro and Di'Algo?"

" _We're still collecting intel, making sure they don't know about Cavellero's plan involving Josie or anything about Tony and Tali." Leon knew what Gibbs was really asking. "Until we know that protective detail stays in place…but the minute we know-"_

"Yeah." Gibbs snapped the phone shut and just stared at it a moment.

"Thinking of throwing it against the wall again?"

Gibbs shook his head.

"Good because pretty soon they're not going to be able to replace that old relic." The man walked down the stairs and made his way over next to Gibbs. "When did he get here?"

"Very early this morning." Gibbs shoved the phone in his pocket and turned around leaning back against the work bench.

"How'd that go?" Fornell leaned back beside Gibbs.

Gibbs' head dropped back.

"He seems like he's in a good mood. He's laughing it up with Tali and Torres."

"He's back with his daughter of course he's happy."

"And being here with you has nothing to do with it?"

Gibbs rolled his eyes as he walked over to the boat and looked back at Fornell. "There a reason you're here Fornell?"

"Really?" Fornell glared at Gibbs. "You're going into agent mode with me?" When Gibbs didn't seem to be backing down, Fornell shrugged. "Fine. Homeland and FBI needs to interview Mr. DiNozzo, as soon as possible."

"I'll see about making that happen as soon as NCIS conducts their interviews?"

"And when will that be?"

"The man just got out of the hospital and home to his daughter." Gibbs snapped. "It's gonna be a few days. You have a problem with that?"

"No but I'll make sure to check back in a few days."

"Fine."

"Fine." Fornell folded his arms across his chest. "Are we done with this agent bullshit?"

Gibbs rubbed his forehead then blew out a long breath. "I just don't wanna talk about it."

"Okay. That's all you had to say." Fornell shrugged. "Not like I'm gonna push you on the subject."

"Right." Gibbs laughed. "You'd never do that."

"Hey so I worry about you, that's what friends do."

"Stop worrying I'm fine."

"Yeah you seem fine." Fornell's voice was full of sarcasm.

Gibbs glared at Fornell. "Don't start with me Tobias."

"They staying here?"

"Yeah."

"Good luck with that."

"Worrying about me is that the only reason you stopped by?"

"No also wanted to see if the reason SecNav's plane asked for clearance to fly to Paris and back to pick up two passengers was the reason I thought." Fornell smirked. "What favor did you call in for that one?"

Gibbs' eyebrow went up.

"It wasn't you?" Fornell looked at him shocked.

Gibbs shook his head.

"Then who was it?" Fornell eyes Gibbs suspiciously. "Who else could call in a favor like that? Definitely wasn't DiNotzo."

"I could think of a few." Two names came to mind and Gibbs was pretty sure he knew which one it was.

"Didn't realize she had so much pull with SecNav, thought all her favors stemmed from Vance." Fornell had his own thoughts.

Gibbs shrugged. "Jack's a resourceful woman."

There was a moment of silence between them.

"Not trying to push but are you sure you're gonna be okay with this?"

"Yeah." Gibbs nodded. "It's time we talked."

"Good, I think you both need it."

Gibbs looked down at his shoes then stared over at the boat.

"What are you afraid of?"

Gibbs sighed wistfully. "That the answers I get will be more painful then the assumptions I've made."

"It's a possibility, but then what if the answers are completely different than your assumptions?"

Gibbs continued to stare at the boat.

"He loves you Gibbs, you already know that." Fornell was about to say more when he stopped afraid his next statement would cause an emotional outburst.

"You don't have to say it I know." Gibbs ran his hands down his face. "And I don't have an answer."

"Then you better figure it out because he loves you and he wants you and after everything that's just happened I have a feeling he's ready to fight for you." Fornell let out a sigh. "And if you don't know what you want, he's going to make damn sure he shows you exactly what he wants and frankly." Fornell looked over at Gibbs. "I don't think that's a fight you can win."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence."

"Jethro you have the control of a Jedi or the Buddha when it comes to most things, but this, this is different. There's history here, the two of you have life's that are entangled in ways even most married people never are and that gives him a power over you that I don't think you fully comprehend."

Gibbs blew out a long breath. "Believe me I know."

"You know but he hasn't been around for a long time you haven't had to deal with it on a day to day bases now you have to deal with it twenty-four seven." Fornell chuckled. "You can't ignore your feelings when you're living with someone that's in protective custody and can't even leave the house. You are in the heat of the battle my friend. Trapped with a man that loves you, wants to fight for you, and already knows how to push every one of your buttons." He shook his head. "There is a fine line Jethro between love and hate and sometimes hate filled sexual tension is even stronger than flat out love."

Gibbs dropped his head back and closed his eyes. There was that statement again, that line that he was walking with Tony. A line he still didn't know which side he would end up on.

"If you need a place to regroup, my doors always open."

Picking his head up Gibbs gave Fornell a thankful nod. "I know."

Fornell smirked. "Or if something else happens you can come tell me all the sordid details."

Gibbs rolled his eyes. "Get out."

 **##########**

"It was nice to see Fornell." Tony's voice was slightly louder than normal as he tried to project towards the kitchen where Gibbs and Tali were making lunch. "He looks good, happy."

"Online dating."

Tony's right eyebrow went up. "Really, wow. Good for him."

Gibbs had cut the Brioche roll and laid the two half on a plate. Tali was spreading mustard on the bottom side of the roll while Gibbs opened the bags of meat and cheese from the deli. He sat the opened bags by the plate and cut another roll and put it on a plate for himself.

"I can make yours too." She said smiling up at him.

"Okay." He pushed the one plate over and placed his next to it.

"You like mustard?"

He nodded and she went about putting mustard on his sandwich. "Why don't you make the sandwich how you like and we'll share."

She smiled happily and continued to make the sandwiches putting down a layer of salami then cheese then pepperoni and another layer of cheese.

"Any lettuce or tomato?"

"Both."

He opened the lettuce and pulled out several leaves, she picked a couple and continued as he cut up a tomato. Selecting a few slices she put some on both sandwiches then picked up the top and completed her work. Gibbs cut both sandwiches in half for her.

"Perfect." She said as she climbed down from the step stool and looked up at Gibbs. He handed her the plate with Tony's sandwich and she quickly but carefully took off for the living room.

"You made that for me."

Gibbs smiled as he walked into the living room carrying the second plate.

"It looks perfect." Tony said as he kissed her forehead.

"See I can take care of you."

Sitting the plate on the coffee table he leaned over and hugged her. "I know." Another kiss this time to her cheek and he leaned back. "Where's yours?"

"Gibbs and I are sharing."

Gibbs sat down in the chair by the couch and Tali climb up on the couch next to Tony. Taking half of the sandwich from the plate, Gibbs put the plate on Tali's lap.

"This is delicious." Tony said through a mouthful of food. "Best sandwich ever."

Tali smiled proudly as she took a bit of her sandwich.

They ate in relative silence as all three of them ate.

"Do you like it Gibbs?" Tali asked between bites. When she looked over Gibbs he was already shoving the last bite into his mouth. She laughed. "I can make you more."

Gibbs shook his head as he swallowed the last bite. "It was great." Standing up, Gibbs headed into the kitchen. "I'll clean up you two eat." Closing up the bags he gathered them up and shoved them back in the fridge. Placing the knives in the sink, he was about to wipe down the counter when he realized he'd forgotten the mustard. Closing the lid, he returned the mustard to the fridge then grabbed a rag and wiped down the counter.

"Want these in the sink?"

Gibbs turned at the sound of the voice beside him. "Yeah thanks."

"No thank you."

Gibbs felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand up and the jolt of electricity shoot through his body as Tony's fingers grazed across the small of his back as the man stepped over to the sink.

"Thank you for letting her feel like she's taking care of me." Tony leaned back against the counter in front of the sink.

"She is taking care of you." Gibbs turned around and looked at the man. "I wouldn't have known how you like your sandwich if she hadn't told me."

"Right." Tony chuckled as he shook his head.

"Well the brioche roll is new." The truth was Gibbs had made that sandwich countless times for Tony, could have made it in his sleep. If it wasn't cowboy steak, pizza, or Chinese it was usually the exact sandwich they'd just eaten. Although before it had always been on a hoagie bun.

"You get disgusted looks from people in Paris if you ask for a hoagie bun." Tony grinned. "I had to adapt."

"Yeah I guess you would." Gibbs chuckled.

"Tali loves it through, she's actually learned some French. Amazing how easily children pick up languages."

"Yeah."

"She went upstairs." Tony could tell Gibbs was wondering where she was. "She wanted to play a game on the IPad. And thanks for that by the way."

Gibbs shrugged. "McGee picked it up for her, put on what she wanted then made sure there was no GPS or trackable info. No internet."

"I'll thank him when I see him."

Gibbs nodded as a silence fell between them.

Tony pushed himself from the counter and placed himself before Gibbs. He instantly felt the change in the air between them. He felt the tension in the older man's body, felt the tension in the space between them, and knew it filled the room around them. Hand shaking, Tony cautiously reached out and let his fingertips caress the side of Gibbs' face, uncertain of the reaction the man would have. Gibbs' eyes closed momentarily giving in as he leaned into the touch.

"I missed you so much." Tony's voice trembled with emotion. "Just being able to talk to you…be near you."

Gibbs' lips brushed against Tony's palm wanting desperately to give in when realization suddenly hit him in the gut. His eyes shot open and he latched onto Tony's wrist jerking the younger man's hand away from his face. Blue eyes locked with green as Gibbs' grip on Tony's wristed tightened as he held it between them.

"Did you miss me at all?"

"You already know the answer to that." Gibbs' jaw was clenched as he spoke.

"I know we need to talk, I know that's the only way to make anything right between us again." Tony sighed. "But all I can think about is wanting you, your kiss, your touch…I want everything again."

Gibbs could have sworn he heard Tony purr. "Now is not the time."

Tony's brow furrowed and as if on cue the both heard the footsteps coming down the stairs.

"Daddy?"

The voice echoed through the silent house and Gibbs let go of Tony's wrist the arm falling haphazardly to Tony's side as the little girl ran into the kitchen.

"I can't get past this level." She held up the IPad to him. "Can you help me?"

"Sure I can." Tony smiled down at her. "Let's go in the living room." Taking Tali's hand the two of them disappeared from the kitchen.

Gibbs finally let out the breath he'd been holding then took in a huge gulp of air as he refilled his aching lungs. He felt the sting across his chest and he groaned as he took another deep breath in then out. Running his hand over his mouth, he shook his head. Fornell was right, he wasn't ready for this, wasn't prepared for the incessant need the mere closeness of the man instilled in him. Even with all the anger that still permeated every fiber of his being, it wasn't enough to suppress the decade long desire he had for the man. A desire that went unfulfilled for too long. He told himself he couldn't give in…if gave in nothing would change, sex between them was easy. Dealing with everything else was the problem. If they couldn't talk about this nothing would ever change.


	17. Chapter 17

**Title:** My Conscience is clear Chapter 17

 **Slash/Mature:** Don't like, don't read.

 **Summary:** Moral compass, principles, right and wrong, inner voice, conscience…whatever you call it. Gibbs isn't sure he can keep his conscience clear when someone he cares about is missing. The one thing he is sure of, his conscience is clear when it comes to a past transgression between them. Will that memory help or hinder the future.

All mistakes are mine, this has not been proofed.

 **####################**

After the incident in the kitchen Gibbs tried to keep himself busy with anything that kept him away from Tony. He needed to center himself, find his control again and that required some space between himself and Tony. It had actually worked out for him. McGee had stopped over so he and Tony had sat and talked, after that Palmer showed up and now Bishop was up visiting. Gibbs had made a trip to the grocery store, stopped at the office, and was now back at the house working on the boat. The boat where he refocused him mind and tried to put everything in perspective. He'd thought it was working until he heard the voice from about him.

"Hi Gibbs I'm getting ready to leave."

He looked up and Bishop was standing on the landing just inside the basement.

"It's getting late."

Gibbs glanced at his watch, already after eight. He looked at the beam in front of him. Yeah that would have to be replaced, he'd been sanding in the same spot for almost twenty-five minutes.

"There's pizza left."

"Thanks." Gibbs slipped under the beam and off the boat. He looked down at himself and shook his head. He was covered in sawdust. Brushing off as much of it as he could he made his way upstairs and into the living room.

"We left you some pizza."

"Thanks." Gibbs glanced over at the sleeping girl on the couch.

"She fell asleep about twenty minutes ago." Tony smiled down at his sleeping daughter from the chair beside the couch.

"I'll take her to bed. Just um-" He glanced down at himself again.

Tony laughed. "A little sawdust isn't going to hurt her."

Gibbs smiled as he sloughed off his sweatshirt exposing the US Marine t-shirt. Gently picking up the little girl she melted against his chest as he carried her to the spare room. When he walked back into the living room, Tony had his head back and eyes closed. "Maybe you should head to bed. It's been a long day." He grabbed a piece of pizza, took a bite, and turned to walk into the kitchen.

"Going back to hide in the basement because you know I can't go down the steps?"

Gibbs stopped and turned. "I was actually just going to grab a beer."

"Oh." Tony swallowed the lump in his throat.

"You need anything?"

Tony shook his head.

Grabbing the beer, Gibbs walked back in and sat down in the middle of the couch. Taking a few more bites of the pizza he twisted off the beer top and took a swig. "I wasn't hiding as much as just-"

"Centering yourself."

"Yeah." Gibbs tossed the half eaten slice of pizza back in the box.

"Sorry about earlier, it's just-harder than I thought it was going to be, being here with you and dealing with how I feel."

"Wanting each other has never been a problem." Gibbs could attest to that right now.

"No it hasn't, I wanted you the first time I saw you." Tony grinned, thinking back to that day in Baltimore. "Tackling you to the ground." He shook his head. "The look you gave me."

Gibbs rubbed his forehead. He had meant for it to be a look of admiration for how well Tony did his job, instead the attraction he instantly felt for the man had seeped into the look.

"Jethro, my leaving that morning had nothing to do with you and everything to do with me."

Gibbs leaned forward elbows on his knees beer bottle hanging from his hand. "That doesn't make me feel better."

"It should, because you did everything right, you were open, honesty… gently then animalist, everything you should have been and everything anyone could have wanted."

"Anyone except you."

Tony could hear the anger seeping into Gibbs' voice. "I wanted it, I was just afraid of it."

Gibbs took a long gulp from the beer bottle and leaned back again.

"Afraid of everything. What if what I was feeling wasn't real but some infatuation or what if you got tired of me, what if we couldn't work together, or I lost my best friend."

"That's a lot of what ifs. So here's some more-" Gibbs sat up at glared at Tony. "What if you had given us a chance, what if you had stayed, where would be now, or what if you had given me a chance to talk to you or better yet, what if you had just had the balls to talk to me about how afraid you were of all of it."

Tony could hear the way Gibbs' voice cracked hear the emotion with each word. "I should have talked to you; I know that now, but I young, stupid, scared and just- I can't change it. All I can do is explain and apologize and try to make you understand."

"I don't understand because you lost me anyway, a relationship, our friendship, nothing survived that night."

"I know…and I'm sorry."

"Yeah." Gibbs stared at the beer bottle in his hand. "Was anything you said to me that night true?"

Tony's eyes went wide shocked by the question. "Everything I said to you that night was the truth and exactly how I felt."

"Then I really don't understand." Gibbs shook his head. "Because you said you loved me, loved me like you had never loved anyone, that I was part of you, part of your heart, your soul, your very being-" He swallowed the emotion that formed a lump in his throat and his jaw tightened. "And I had to watch you with EJ, Ziva, and Zoe." Gibbs tried to keep himself centered. "And it wasn't about breaking the rules…it was about you breaking my heart." Gibbs could feel the wave of emotion threatening. "I believed-" He took a deep breath forcing the emotion down. "You would come back to me. I knew you were scared, I was scared, but I thought you'd work it out, realize what we had, but after EJ." Gibbs rubbed his hand over his mouth. "And that discussion in the basement. It wasn't about EJ and you know it…it was about us and the fact that you could sit there and tell me how great she was and how you have so much in common and it's nice to have someone to talk to." Gibbs clenched his jaw tighter as he repeated the words Tony had spoken that night. "No offense but my personal life is my business." It was the statement that hurt Gibbs the most. He remembered the whole conversation like it had happened yesterday.

Tony felt his stomach start to cramp felt the bile rising in his throat.

"That was the moment everything changed again, the moment I knew nothing would ever happen between us." Gibbs blew out a long breath some of the emotion escaping with it. "The hate I had for you turned to anger, anger that ate away at me. And it grew with Ziva and Zoe. And like I told you, finally there was no emotion left."

Tony couldn't bring himself to speak, what do you say to that? Hurting someone you love in the ways that he had, an apology would never be enough.

"Maybe I should have pushed you harder to talk after that night together, but you made it perfectly clear you didn't want to talk about any of it." Gibbs took a long swig of his beer. "Part of me wants to tell you it was my fault in some way, but even when I tried to at least keep our friendship alive, you still pushed me away or threw the skirt of the week in my face." He finished off the beer and put the bottle on the coffee table. "When it comes to what happened with us. My conscience is clear."

"Yet for some reason, somewhere in there you still love me, even when you wish you didn't."

"And that's the hardest part, the part I don't know how to deal with."

"Do you regret coming to Paris?"

"God no." Gibbs looked physically hurt by the question.

"I didn't mean it that way." Tony sighed. "I meant do you regret being the one saving me? You could have sent someone else."

"No I couldn't have." Gibbs remembered the moment he realized something had happened to Tony, remembered the despair that ripped through his body. He ran his hands down his face as he leaned forward. "When all those emotions hit it was like, like some madness had taken over and nothing and no one could have stopped me from getting to you."

"I knew you'd be the one to come." Tony never doubted it. "Because it's the kind of man you are, but when I kissed you, I knew you'd leave, I felt it in every fiber of your being."

"I couldn't stay. It wouldn't have been good for you or me, not with how I was feeling."

"And even though I knew that, it still hurt."

"I know and part of me wanted it to hurt, wanted you to feel just a tiny bit of the pain I still felt." Gibbs glanced over at Tony. "And I'm sorry for that, two wrongs don't make it right."

Tony shook his head. "I get it, I do. You're human, even though me, the team we all make you out to be this omnipotent being that should be above it all."

"I'm not."

"And I'm not as cold and heartless as I seemed after what happened between us."

"Part of me knows that, the rational part, but the irrational part of me wants you to hurt like I did and like I do."

"I do hurt, more than I could ever convey to you." Tony couldn't remember a time when it didn't hurt knowing how he ruined the chance at having a relationship with Gibbs, that he'd destroyed their friendship and that he'd hurt the one person he'd truly loved. "A piece of me died every day seeing the sadness and disappointment when you looked at me." Standing up, Tony dropped down next to Gibbs on the couch. "The question is can you forgive me enough to at least rebuild our friendship."

Gibbs stared straight ahead afraid of what would happen if he looked over at the man next to him. The countless conflicting emotions swirled inside him. "I want to, I really do."

"Is there any part of you that wants more than friendship?"

The question was spoken so softly, Gibbs almost thought he'd imagined it. "God, yes."

Tony physically felt the heartbroken desperation in the words. Without thinking he reached over and took Gibbs' hand entwining their fingers and breathed a sigh of relief when the hand clutched his. Tony's thumb brushed gently over Gibbs. "Tell me what it will take?" He felt the grip on his hand tighten. "Because as much as I want our friendship back, I want what we had that night back even more." He took a deep breath. "I never stopped loving you…never."

"I can't answer that." Gibbs let go of Tony's hand, stood up and took a few steps towards the kitchen somehow believing distance between them would calm his racing heart. "Because I don't know what it will take."

"Putting distance between us isn't the answer."

"Giving in isn't the answer either."

"I'm not asking you to give in." Standing up, Tony slowly walked towards Gibbs seeing the blue eyes fill with trepidation as he grew closer.

Gibbs held his breath as Tony stopped, standing toe to toe, so close Gibbs could feel the younger man's breath on his face. When the hand came to rest on his chest he could hear the thumping of his heartbeat in his ears.

"I'm asking you to let me in." Tony shook his head. "I wanna just feel a moment of closeness with you." Tony paused. "A moment where I don't feel it's about the regret and anger, but a moment of hope, a moment where you feel like you did that night when you first kissed me."

"I'd wanted to kiss you for so long." Gibbs let out a wistful sigh as his hand gently caressed over Tony's hip. "So long."

"What made you believe that night I'd let you?"

Involuntarily, Gibbs took a step closer, their bodies almost touching. "Your body language." His hand reached out tentatively his finger tracing down Tony's jaw line. "The way you were looking at me."

"The same way I'm looking at you now."

"Yes." The word came out in a puff of air.

"Because just like then, I wanted you to kiss me." Tony's eyes closed as Gibbs' face came closer. The lips brushed against his in an all too brief embrace, then again slightly longer but just as soft. The hand at his hip slipped around his waist and pulled him closer.

As their bodies made contact, Gibbs let go for the first time in over a decade. He let go of the hurt and the anger, everything except the love. That the memories and the desire took over and Gibbs devoured Tony's lips like it was the first time all over again. The hand on his chest snaked around his neck forcing them even closer, deepening the kiss. Gibbs' tongue swept across Tony's lips and they willingly parted allowing Gibbs to taste the familiar sweetness. It wasn't enough. He wanted their bodies closer as he crushed the younger man against him desperate to make sure even the air didn't separate them.

Tony never felt the pain of being held so tightly, never felt the anger he'd felt before, all he felt was the desire and love between them. The world around him faded away and there was nothing but this moment, this kiss, this connection with each other that they both so desperately needed. Tony felt the lips pulling away and drew them back his fingers crawling up the nape of Gibbs' neck and locking into the hair on the back of Gibbs' head. The action drew a needy sound from the older man and Tony felt his heart skip a beat. It was the same sound Gibbs had made that night and it flooded Tony's mind with memories of all the ways they'd made love. A lustful groan surged up from deep inside him and he felt his lungs cry out for air. He was about to pull back; when he felt the warm lips gently slip away.

Both panting for breath, bodies still crushed together, Gibbs' forehead came to rest against Tony's.

"Thank you." Tony whispered his eyes still closed as he basked in the closeness.

"That's not what you wanted to say." Even now, with all the emotional distance still between them, Gibbs could tell Tony was holding back.

"Its part of what I wanted to say." Tony still didn't move. He just wanted to stay like this for as long as possible because for the first time in a very long time he felt safe and loved.

Tony couldn't bring himself to say it, knew Gibbs wasn't ready to hear it. "It doesn't matter right now, what matters is for the first time since that night you kissed me like you still love me."

The depth of the emotion in Tony's words made everything real again and Gibbs felt the twinge of anger return.

Tony instantly felt the change, felt the slight tension return to Gibbs' body, felt the tightness of the hold on him loosen and the physical rebuke made him take a step back slipping from Gibbs' arms. And with that the emotional chasm between them returned.

"I can't let go of ten years of pain, with one kiss." Gibbs sighed. "If you thought that was what was going to happen-"

"No. I didn't." Tony shook his head. "I really didn't, it was just nice feeling safe again."

"I will always keep you safe."

Tony nodded.

"Hey." Bridging the gap between them, Gibbs took Tony's hand. "You okay? Do you need-"

"It's not about the kidnapping." As the words came out Tony noticed the slight pain in his ribs. "I've dealt with that, not like it's the first time I've been tied up and tortured."

"It doesn't matter if it's the first time or the fifth time, if you need to talk, I'm here or Jack or the te-"

"I know that wasn't the kind of safe I was talking about." Tony took a deep breath. "I'm tired, I should get to bed."

"Tony." Gibbs grip on the younger man's hand tightened.

"I'm okay really." Tony forced a smile. "It's been a long emotional day and I'm exhausted."

The hand in Gibbs' slipped away and Tony started towards the bedroom.

"Night."

"Night Tony." Gibbs stood there until he heard the spare room door open and close. Then he walked over to the couch and fell face first into the cushions. He didn't know if he would sleep or just lay there but now between the trying to deal with his emotions and worrying about what feeling safe meant to Tony he was emotionally exhausted.

 **##########**

" _I couldn't sleep, I thought-." Tony paused in mid-sentence as he walked into the empty living room his brow furrowing when he saw a steak on the fire but Gibbs wasn't there. Sitting the beer he'd brought down on the coffee table he made his way into the kitchen still no Gibbs. Suddenly the agent in him was on alert. He glanced over at the basement door, it was closed, Gibbs always left it open when he was down there. Heading back through the living room, Tony made his way upstairs still on high alert. When he reached the bedroom door, the tension left his body as he saw the man sitting on the side of the bed, elbows on his knees glass of Bourbon in his hand. The older man didn't look up just continued to stare at his glass. "Gibbs."_

" _Yeah."_

 _Tony leaned against the door frame. "I couldn't sleep first night back and all. Thought you might be up for having a beer."_

 _Gibbs held up the glass with about an inch of Bourbon in it then went back to his position._

 _Tony walked over standing in front of Gibbs wanting to force the man to look at him. "He's the director and an asshole sometimes." Tony knew exactly why Gibbs was sitting here drinking. It was similar to why he couldn't sleep. Vance had just let Tony come back from Agent Afloat on the Seahawk after trying to find a mole in NCIS. The team was back together but the incident that tore them apart and how Vance had handled Tony coming back had left a bad taste in Gibbs' mouth, actual the whole team, but especially Gibbs. Tony was sure even more had occurred between Gibbs and Vance that he was unaware of, either way Gibbs was pissed and that anger was firmly directed at Vance._

 _Gibbs jaw was clenched tightly as he spoke. "He let me think he was sending you back when he'd already told you that you were back for good."_

 _Tony hissed as if in pain understanding why Gibbs was so angry. "And again I say asshole."_

 _Gibbs raised the glass to his lips, emptied it and placed it on the bedside table. "He ripped my family apart without even an explanation, then-" He stopped himself, shaking his head trying to control his temper._

" _Hey we're all back, I'm here now." That wide DiNozzo smile filled Tony's face. "Tell me that doesn't make you happy. You missed me, right?" The steely blue eyes locked on Tony's and he felt the air rush from his lungs with the intensity of the gaze._

" _More than you will ever know." Gibbs sighed surprising himself with the admission._

 _Head drawn back Tony looked at Gibbs shocked. "I think that's the most honest expression of emotion I've ever gotten from you."_

 _Gibbs swallowed hard wishing he had a full glass of Bourbon to down._

" _Are you drunk?"_

 _Gibbs slowly moved his head back and forth._

 _Taking another step forward, Tony dropped to his knee's put himself between Gibbs' knees putting himself at eye level with the other man. "I missed you too."_

 _Gibbs' brow furrowed slightly as he stared into the sparkling green eyes confused by what he thought he saw within them. He told himself he was imagining the fact that Tony's upper body seemed to lean closer. Gibbs' eyes glanced at Tony's lips then back into the green eyes realizing what he saw there was real. Reaching out he cupped Tony's cheek, his thumb caressing across Tony's lips and sighing when he felt the warm tongue lick at the tip of his finger. That was when he gave in and allowed himself to do something he'd wanted to for years._

 _Capturing Tony's lips, Gibbs tenderly kissed the man, still worried that he may have misread the situation. The worry evaporated the minute he felt the younger man's lips respond and the hands caress up his thighs. Knowing this was what Tony wanted, Gibbs felt empowered his hand latched onto the side of Tony's neck as the kiss went from tender and tentative to rough and animalistic. His tongue forced its way across Tony's lips letting out a needful moan when Tony's tongue tangled with his. Gibbs' free hand wrapped around Tony's waist jerking the younger man hard against him as he continued his assault on Tony's lips and mouth. The kiss was everything he expected and nothing like he imagined it would be. Tony's lips were soft and warm, more eager, and more demanding than Gibbs had ever believed they would be._

 _Lungs aching, Gibbs pulled back only to have Tony chase him trying to hold on, for a moment Gibbs gave in not wanting it to end. He tried a new approach slowing the kiss, bringing it back to the tenderness_ _they had started with drawing away slowly until their lips finally parted. Blue eyes locked on green as he listened to the quick shallow intakes of breathe Tony was trying to take._

" _I've wanted to do that for years." Taking a deep breath, Gibbs shook his head._

" _Is that all you wanted to do." Tony bit at his bottom lip._

" _No." Gibbs practically growled the word._

" _Then why don't you take what you want?" Tony stood up before the man._

 _Gibbs followed suit standing up._

" _Well?" Tony stepped closer desperate for Gibbs to touch him again._

" _I need to know that what I want is mine…all mine." Gibbs' fingers touched the button on the front of Tony's jeans as he leaned in his lips brushing against Tony's ear. "Are you mine?"_

" _Yes, God yes." The words no more than left Tony's mouth and his lips were seized as they tumbled down onto the bed. Tearing at each other's clothing, they were desperate to feel skin against skin._

 _Tony was the first to touch flesh, his hands finding their way under Gibbs' t-shirt and clawing up Gibbs' chest drawing a low growl from the man. Gibbs' lips descended, nipping then biting at the tender flesh of Tony's throat. The action causing Tony's body to shudder as the desire grew. Tony's hand crawled around Gibbs' waist clutching at the older man's ass as Tony thrust his hips upward rubbing their hard cocks together. Gibbs bit down hard on Tony's jugular as his own desire demanded retribution. Forcing his hands between their bodies Gibbs jerked open the button on Tony's jeans and yanked down the zipper. Then two strong palms pushed hard against his chest, ripping his mouth from Tony's neck as he was thrust upward. He stared down at the younger man a slight concern on his face until Tony grabbed the bottom of his t-shirt and ripped it off over his head. The hands were then on his belt, his jeans, until the denim was being pushed down his hips, the boxers going with them. Gibbs countered, tearing Tony's shirt from his body then wrenching the jeans from Tony's body._

 _Now skin against skin, their bodies entwined, their hands explored each other's bodied as they took turned letting their lips explore as well. As they rolled across the bed, Gibbs suddenly found himself in the middle of the bed on top of Tony, one hand reaching towards the nightstand drawer as he kissed across Tony's chest. Bottle in hand he popped the cap and somehow managed to dribble some into his hand. The bottle fell to the bed beside them. Returning to Tony's lips, Gibbs slipped his hand between them finding his way between Tony's legs._

 _Gibbs felt the hand clutch at his bicep and the lips leave his as Tony's head went back and his body arched as he slipped a finger inside the younger man. He looked down mesmerized by the erotic expression on Tony's face. The younger man's head was tossed back, eyes closed, lips parted as he moaned. As Gibbs slid his finger in further, the muscle around it tightened and he felt his cock twitch with jealousy. "Do you want more?"_

 _Wordlessly, Tony nodded his mouth falling open further as another finger joined the first._

" _Look at me." The words were spoken as a request not an order and Gibbs watched as slowly Tony's eyes fluttered open. Their eyes met and Tony licked his lips as he thrust down onto Gibbs' fingers. A low guttural sound ripped from deep inside Gibbs as the hand at his bicep was suddenly clawing at the center of his chest. "Tell me you want my cock?"_

" _I want your cock." The words came out in a hiss as Tony glared up at the older man. "Fuck me…give me everything you've been denying for so long, I want it all." Tony groaned as the fingers left him and instantly felt the pressure of the head of Gibbs' cock against him. Tony gasped as the air rushed from his lungs and he arched upward as the head of Gibbs' cock pushed through the still tight muscle. Both hands shot up and grabbed Gibbs' face as he tightened around the intrusion._

" _Tone." The affectionate name came out in a voice fill of concern and lustful need._

 _Tony stared into the dilated blue eyes and his heart stopped as he saw for the first time the endless depth of Gibbs' emotion staring back at him. It was overwhelming, taking the last bit of air Tony had in his lungs and stealing his voice. He gave the one response he could…he let his body relax and he bore down drawing Gibbs' cock deeper inside him._

" _Oh fuck yes." Gibbs' dropped his head forward as he was enveloped by the younger man and the concern disappeared and wanton desire took hold. Without even a second thought Gibbs was drawing back then slamming into Tony. For a brief second, Gibbs held on to his sanity, just long enough to look down at Tony, see the man moaning with pleasure before letting the madness take hold. And that's exactly what it was madness, he lost all sense of anything accept the connection between them, their moans of pleasure and the blissful pain of Tony's fingertips clawing into his back. He didn't know how long it lasted, minutes, hours, he wasn't sure all he knew was the satisfaction of finally being given what he'd wanted and been denied for so many years. Somewhere within the sexual haze he heard the scream, felt the warmth against his stomach as Tony came, the younger man's cock wedged between their bodies. When his own body started to tremble and he felt himself about to surrender, he fought back, trying to make it last. But it was futile, the need to great, he cried out some animalist sound as he buried himself in Tony and came, the release causing his body to collapse with exhaustion._

Gibbs' eyes suddenly shot open in the darkness, the dream having left his gasping for air. The first night together having etched itself in his mind refusing to let go. Letting out a groan of frustration he ran his hands down his face as he took slow deep breathes trying to calm his body. Not that it helped, he was already hard from the dream and wanting a release. He stared up into the darkness as if the answers he needed where somewhere within the blackness. Another deep breath and he blew it out…there was only one answer that would solve anything right now and that was a cold shower.


	18. Chapter 18

**Title:** My Conscience is clear Chapter 18

 **Slash/Mature:** Don't like, don't read.

 **Summary:** Moral compass, principles, right and wrong, inner voice, conscience…whatever you call it. Gibbs isn't sure he can keep his conscience clear when someone he cares about is missing. The one thing he is sure of, his conscience is clear when it comes to a past transgression between them. Will that memory help or hinder the future.

All mistakes are mine, this has not been proofed.

 **####################**

Gibbs had replaced the beam on the boat, the one he had practically sanded into a plank the day before. Now he was drilling new holes in the beam. He heard the front door open and paused as he listened to the footsteps making their way to towards the basement. Looking up, he saw the familiar face and put the drill down. Walking over to the work bench, he empty a jar of screws, grabbed the bourbon bottle poured some into the jar and handed to the man as he approached.

"Thought you weren't drinking." Fornell took the offered drink

"I'm not." Gibbs picked up his coffee cup and took a sip of the now lukewarm liquid. He could have had a drink, but with everything going on between him and Tony, he was afraid one drink would turn into four or five in hopes of drowning out some of the emotional turmoil.

Fornell took a quick sip of the bourbon the looked at his friend. His eyebrow went up when he realized Gibbs' hair was wet. He smirked. "Needed a cold shower?"

Gibbs rolled his eyes.

"Like I said before, being with someone twenty-four seven brings back a lot of old memories." Fornell leaned back against the work bench.

"Yeah it does." Gibbs leaned back against the work bench beside Fornell.

"You two talk at all?"

Gibbs nodded.

"Did it help?"

"Maybe, I don't know." Gibbs sighed. "He's holding something back…I'm just not sure what."

"Lotta years have passed since that night, maybe there's something else you don't know about."

Again Gibbs shook his head. "I was there for all of it, what could I have missed?"

"You can't see everything Gibbs."

Gibbs glared over at him.

"As much as you like to think you can your team all have lives away from you and the job. You can't know and see everything."

"This isn't about someone else, this is about me, something he wants to say or ask me."

"Did you say something that night that could have put doubts in his head?"

"No." Gibbs remembered absolutely everything he'd said that night and everything was about how he'd denied his feelings for so long and wanting a life with the younger man. "I don't know what it is but he's not ready to talk about it."

"Maybe he has some anger issues of his own."

"Anger over what? Me loving him, wanting a life together, what the hell could he possibly have to be angry about?"

"I don't know." Fornell shrugged. "But that doesn't mean there's not something."

"Whatever it is it's not holding him back from wanting more."

"He trying to push your buttons?"

"Not really. He's-" Gibbs paused trying to find the right way to explain it. "He's pushing for the emotional aspect, not sex."

"And you thought he'd push the sex?"

"I don't know." Gibbs rubbed his forehead.

Fornell's eyebrow went up. "You want him to push for sex, give you a reason to give in?"

"Maybe…I don't know." Gibbs blew out a long breath and dropped his head back. "Sex with us is easy, it happens so naturally, like we were just meant to be together, some connection that is always there." He shook his head. "It's the rest of it we seems to suck at."

"You both have pretty shitty track records."

"Yeah, I know." Gibbs swigged the last of his coffee. "I need a refill."

Fornell downed the last of the bourbon. "Coffee sounds like a good idea."

 **##########**

"What about that time at Logan's tavern." Fornell was laughing. "That woman would not leave you alone."

Gibbs smirked. "Didn't pay for a beer all night."

"You should have gone out with her." Fornell shook his head. "She was gorgeous and seemed to be up for anything."

"Oh she was." Gibbs chuckled. "The things she was whispering in my ear would have made a sailor blush."

"The wild ones always go for you. It's like the red head thing, some pheromone you give off or something."

"It's the eyes."

Gibbs and Fornell both turned towards the voice at the top of the stairs. Tony was standing there in sweats and a t-shirt.

"Yeah, guess that could be it." Fornell turned back around and grinned at Gibbs.

"What time is it?" Gibbs glanced at his watch, already almost seven.

"I made a fresh pot of coffee if you two wanna sober up." Tony said before walking away.

There was no malice in the statement, but it offended Gibbs for some reason.

"I think I'm good." Fornell saw the annoyance on Gibbs' face. "Come on Jethro it's not like we're known for our late night coffee klatches."

Ignoring the comment, Gibbs clenched his jaw.

"He didn't mean it that way and you know it." Fornell looked at Gibbs. "This isn't a bar, this is your basement and don't make me think I need to start limiting your coffee intake because caffeine is starting to affect you like booze."

Gibbs rolled his eyes.

"I'm gonna take that as my cue to leave." Fornell stood up and took a step towards the stairs, but paused and looked back at his friend. "If you need anything, seriously anything."

Gibbs relaxed slightly and he nodded. "Thanks."

Fornell emerged from the basement and saw Tony standing in the kitchen with a cup of coffee. He tipped his head at the younger man as he made his way towards the front door without a word. Gibbs stepped into the kitchen a second later.

"Didn't mean to break up the party, just thought you two might want coffee."

"Yeah, I got that." Cup in hand Gibbs poured himself another cup of coffee and turned back around towards Tony. "We weren't drinking at least not the drinking you were alluding to."

"Okay." Tony's brow furrowed puzzled by Gibbs annoyed tone. "What the hell has gotten into you? I've never known you to care if someone thought you had an all-nighter with Fornell. It's pretty much standard for the two of you."

"You're here, Tali's here under NCIS protection, my protection, and I take that seriously. I take my job seriously." Gibbs' was in agent mode, his voice stern and commanding. "Boozing it up with my buddy in the basement is not part of a protective detail, in case you've forgotten."

"How could I forget, Boss." Tony glared at Gibbs. "Glad to know I'm just part of the job to you."

"Is that what you think?" Gibbs looked angry and hurt at the same time. "Is that what you've been trying not to say to me?"

"What?"

"There's something you've been afraid to say. You wanted to say it last night after I kissed you, but you didn't." Gibbs watched as Tony's Adam's apple bobbed up and down. "Is that it? Did you think all of it was just part of the job?"

"No, I never thought that."

"Then what is it?"

Tony looked away again biting back what he wanted to say.

"When did you stop trusting me?"

Tony's eyes shot up and locked on steely blue. "I never stopped trusting you, but you stopped trusting me after that night."

Gibbs was taken aback. "I never stopped trusting you."

"That's not what you said to Fornell when you two were talking in the basement a couple nights after we were together."

Gibbs' eyes went wide then it suddenly all made sense.

"I came by that night try and make piece I guess but when I reached the basement door. I heard the two of you talking." Tony heard the words as clear as if Gibbs had spoken them to him directly. "I don't trust him, especially to love me…that's what you said."

Gibbs ran his hands down his face. He had said it but there was so much more to it than that one sentence. "You needed to hear the context of that statement."

"What possible context could there be that would make it better?"

"You walked away from me without a word, didn't speak to me for days don't you think I had a damn good reason to believe I couldn't trust you to love me."

"You were afraid of my feeling for Ziva." Tony saw the look in Gibbs' eyes when the older man realized he'd heard more of the conversation. "Even after everything I said to you that night, you thought I walked away because of her."

"What was I supposed to think?" Gibbs voice was full of venom. "I wasn't completely wrong was I?"

Tony felt the poison seep into his veins, felt the venom cause his heart to race and the anger to boil. "You complain to me about all the what if's I imagined because of my fear, but you put a what if on something that wasn't there." Tony shook his head. "I loved Ziva, I won't deny that, but those feels happened long after that night we spent together. And my feeling for her were completely different, she knew that and accepted it."

Gibbs took a step back realizing what Tony was revealing.

"She knew about all of it and she tried countless times to get me to talk to you." Tony leaned back against the counter. "And I think if you really think back, she probably tried just as many times to get you to talk to me."

Gibbs mouth fell slightly open as he recounted the times Ziva had come to him trying to encourage him to patch up his friendship with Tony.

"The night Tali was conceived, we talked about a relationship about me staying with her, but it wouldn't have worked. I was still in love with you and she knew that." Tony sighed. "But I wouldn't change anything about that night, because Tali is the best thing that ever happened to me."

"Is that why she didn't tell you about Tali?" Gibbs' voice was barely a whisper.

"Maybe, I don't know."

Gibbs felt his stomach churn and for the first time in a long time he felt as if he might vomit. Although he always loved Ziva, he always saw her as part of the reason Tony had walked away, that feeling had been amplified after Orli showed up with Tali.

"She wasn't why I walked away from you and she wasn't what kept us apart." Tony swallowed the emotion. "I walked away because of my own fear…I stayed away because I felt like you didn't trust me anymore." He rubbed his hands down his face. "When I looked down in the basement and saw you and Fornell this morning it brought back all those memories of hearing those words."

"I'm sorry."

Tony wasn't surprised by the words. Gibbs knew when the words were warranted.

"When you came here that night where you-"

"I wasn't coming here to tell you I loved you and wanted a relationship." Tony knew what Gibbs was going to ask. "I was coming to at least try and save our friendship."

"I was angry that night when I was talking to Fornell."

"I'm not blaming you for feeling that way, but maybe you can understand why I was hurt to, not just because I walked away from the man I loved, but knowing you didn't even trust me anymore." Tony chuckled nervously. "So all the times the team said I was so eager to please you, jumped at your every command, took having your six seriously, they were right because I wanted to win back your trust."

Gibbs couldn't help but snicker. "I always hoped it was because some part of you wanted me…like that last time we made love in the kitchen."

"When I fell to my knees and begged you to make me do everything you wanted." The memory of that moment flashed through Tony's mind and he licked his suddenly dry lips. "Oh it was partly because of that too."

Instinctively, Gibbs took a step towards the younger man, almost reached out to touch him until he caught the movement outside the kitchen window. The agent on duty had walked by and brought the reality crashing in.

Tony laughed and shook his head. "The agent on detail walked by?"

Gibbs nodded and chuckled.

"It's probably a good thing." Tony took a deep breath and blew it out. "Keeps us talking and not giving in to our basic carnal desire."

Gibbs' eyebrow went up. "Carnal desire."

"Like you said sex between us isn't the problem." Tony took a step towards Gibbs. "And the reason I haven't been pushing sex with you..." Tony's eyes danced back and forth between Gibbs' eyes and lips. "Because I know how easily you'd give in…we could have sex right now." Tony bit at his lower lip and purred. "And it would be amazing, but that's all it would be, just hot, passionate, amazing, sex." He took another step closer. "If all I wanted was sex, I've have had you that first night I got here." Tony sighed longingly. "When we make love..." Tony's hand came to rest on Gibbs' chest. "And we will make love. It will be like the first time." Tony's eyes closed momentarily. "Both of us desperate for each other, knowing once is never enough and that we will spend a life time trying to satisfy each other." Tony's eyes opened and he stared in to lust filled blue. "And this time…this time we'll finally have our happy ending." With that Tony turned and walked away.


	19. Chapter 19

**Title:** My Conscience is clear Chapter 19

 **Slash/Mature:** Don't like, don't read.

 **Summary:** Moral compass, principles, right and wrong, inner voice, conscience…whatever you call it. Gibbs isn't sure he can keep his conscience clear when someone he cares about is missing. The one thing he is sure of, his conscience is clear when it comes to a past transgression between them. Will that memory help or hinder the future.

All mistakes are mine, this has not been proofed.

 **####################**

Torres walked in through the back door and stopped when he saw Gibbs just standing in the kitchen. He looked around the room then back at his boss when the older man didn't move. "Everything okay?"

Gibbs finally took a breath and looked over at Torres. "Yeah." Turning around he refilled his coffee cup, downed half of it and refilled it again.

Torres didn't seem convinced. "Just wanted to check in before the shift change."

Leaning back against the counter, Gibbs looked at Torres and waited.

"What? I figured you already knew."

"I do." Gibbs blew out a long breath. "Homeland is figuring out how they want to handle it." It was part of the reason Fornell had shown up last night.

"Still no mention of Tony or Tali."

"Let's hope it stays that way."

"Tony know?"

Gibbs shook his head. With the rough start to their morning, telling Tony about the case wasn't exactly high on his priority list.

"Everything on Josie has been scrubbed."

Gibbs just looked at Torres.

"It's not a sure bet, but it puts the odds in our favor."

Gibbs took another sip of coffee.

"Nick." The little girl's voice echoed through the kitchen as she came running in.

"Hey how's my favorite munchkin." Torres squatted down as she ran over to him and gave him a hug.

"Can we play cards?"

"I have to go to work." Torres smiled. "But I promise I'll come in later and play."

"Okay." She smiled back at him.

Standing up, Torres nodded at Gibbs then disappeared out the back door.

Tali looked up at Gibbs.

"Breakfast?" Gibbs looked down at her.

"Cereal."

He put his coffee cup down and turned around opening the cabinet.

"The blue one." She said as soon as she saw the boxes.

Gibbs pulled it down, grabbed a bowl and spoon, and filled the bowl half way. "Can you take it to the table?"

She nodded as she took the bowl from him and went to the table.

Picking up his coffee, he grabbed the milk from the fridge and headed to the table. Tali was already sitting there waiting. He poured milk in the bowl and handed her the spoon. Taking a seat at the head of the table, he chuckled as she scooped the cereal into her mouth. "Is daddy coming out for breakfast?"

She shrugged. "He was getting dressed when I came out."

"And I am dressed." Tony said as he came walking in, making his way past the table and into the kitchen.

Gibbs' watched the younger man walk into the kitchen, get a cup of coffee, and come back and sit down across from Tali at the table.

"What?" Tony saw the questioning expression on Gibbs' face.

Gibbs just shrugged it off.

"Can I watch cartoons?" Tali had already slid off her chair.

"Are there cartoons on?" Tony asked.

"Uncle Tim put them on my iPad."

"Sure go ahead." Tony caught her before she ran passed and pulled her over kissing her forehead. She giggled and kissed his cheek before stopped by Gibbs' chair.

Gibbs looked down at her and she grinned up at him. He leaned down and kissed the top of her head and she kissed his cheek and ran off.

Tony took a sip of coffee.

Waiting till he heard the footsteps disappear into the spare room. Gibbs leaned back in his chair and looked at Tony. "Your chest still bothering you?"

"A little bit. Jimmy's coming over to take a look at it today." Tony paused. "How did you know?"

"Because I know you." Gibbs leaned forward again. "And I expected you to come out in something tight and green."

Tony couldn't hide his smirk. "You do love me in green."

"Are you having any pain?"

"I'm good."

"That's not what I asked." Gibbs' eyes narrowed.

Tony took a slow breath and let it out. "A little bit in the ribs, the rest is just achy and sore." He grinned. "And before you ask, yes I'm taking over the counter pain medicine."

"Good." Gibbs rolled his eyes. "Because I don't think I could take you hopped up on pain meds on top of everything else."

That bright DiNozzo smile spread across Tony's face. "Oh that would not be good. The sexual tension is already killing me. I'd just throw you down and take you if I was on pain meds."

"Is that so?" Gibbs' right eyebrow went up. "I thought this wasn't about sex?"

"No, I said I didn't just want to have sex, there's a difference."

Gibbs just took a sip of his coffee.

"Leroy Jethro Gibbs, are you having naughty thoughts about me?" Tony couldn't help himself. He loved teasing Gibbs.

Gibbs looked down into the black liquid.

"Which time have you been thinking about? That first time on the bed…the basement, maybe the kitchen…no the steps you really got into that one."

Gibbs glared over at the younger man, but it wasn't an angry glare but one that said stop reminding me.

"Glad to know I still turn you on."

"You already knew that."

"It's still nice to hear you admit it." Tony sighed. "Although even on pain meds I don't think I'm in any condition to perform to the best of my abilities. Especially if you want to do what we did on the steps, my knees couldn't support-"

Gibbs slammed the coffee cup down on the table and for the first time in years Tony actually jumped at the outburst.

The room went silent for a moment.

"I didn't mean to-"

"No, I shouldn't have gotten-" Gibbs took a deep breath and ran his hands down his face.

"I shouldn't have pushed."

Gibbs swallowed the lump in his throat and closed his eyes a moment taking a deep breath.

"You expected me to push, didn't you? Did you want me to, is that what you wanted?"

Slowly Gibbs opened his eyes. "Part of me did." He shook his head. "Part of me believed if we just had sex, I'd get rid of the anger and maybe find everything we felt that night." He let out a breath and leaned back in the chair. "I know that's not the answer, but I still thought about it."

"Believe me, if I thought for one minute us having sex would solve everything, I'd do it." He sighed. "But it won't. It wouldn't make the anger go away, you'd regret it, and you'd blame me." "Tony bit at his lower lip. "And it would kill me, because I can't lose you again."

Gibbs nodded.

"I love you Jethro and I want a life, a future with you, but if you can't get passed the anger and don't want us, I'll deal with it…as best I can." Tony forced down the emotion. "But I don't want to lose the little bit of friendship we've rebuilt."

"I will always be your friend, no matter what. I want you to know that, really understand that."

Tony tried to hold back the tears.

"And…" Gibbs stomach flip flopped as it realized what he was about to admit. "I do love you Tony, there's just so much more to it than that."

"I know." Tony cleared his throat of the emotion that threatened as Gibbs said the words Tony had wanted to hear, but in a completely different context. "And I hope that with time and us talking and working on it, you can say you love me without the amendment." He stood up. "I need more coffee." As he went to walk passed Gibbs, he felt the hand gently take his and he stopped and looked down into the blue eyes staring up at him.

"I trust you, I always have. Don't ever feel like you have to prove your loyalty to me, you don't." Gibbs squeezed Tony's hand. "Not trusting you to love me was-" He stopped as he felt the soft lips press against his forehead and his eyes closed.

"Thank you." Tony whispered not needing or wanting any further explanation.

Gibbs let go of Tony's hand and the younger man continued into the kitchen.

"Maybe you should get out of the house for a while." Tony spoke as he poured more coffee into his cup.

"Trying to get rid of me."

Tony shivered realizing the voice was directly behind him. "No." He turned around and leaned back against the counter. "Just thought it might be nice to have a break, you've been stuck here with Tali for days and now me. Might be nice for you to have a little alone time or at least time away." Tony smiled. "Or you could sequester yourself in the basement and I'll make sure Tali doesn't bother you."

"She doesn't bother me." Gibbs paused. "I love having both of you here."

"We can be a handful though." Tony chuckled.

Gibbs shook his head.

"Well it's only be a few days with both of us here, give it time."

"I think a better idea is for you to get some rest and I'll take care of Tali." Gibbs glanced at his watch. "When is Palmer coming over?"

"Around eleven as long as he can get away."

"So you have time for breakfast and maybe a nap."

"Nurse Gibbs." Tony snickered.

"If that's what it takes make sure you get better."

"Believe me being out of the hospital and here is the best medicine."

"Good." Gibbs smiled. "Hungry."

Tony held his tongue as he thought about what he was really hungry for.

Gibbs' eyebrow went up. "Afraid I'm not on the menu today."

"Sometimes I really hate how easy it is for you to read me."

"And sometimes you love it." Gibbs remembers how that connection between them had made it so much easier for him to realize just how Tony liked to be touched. He took a step back away from the younger man. "Cereal, think there's still a few eggs left."

"Think I'll pass right now." Tony needed some distance. "Might watch some cartoons with Tali, maybe nap like you suggested."

"Sure."

Tony went to take a step and stopped. "Have you ever talked this much about your feeling?"

Gibbs brow furrowed and he shrugged.

"I think the only time you've talked this much was that night."

"I talk when it's important and this is important." Gibbs paused. "You're important."

Tony took a step passed Gibbs keeping additional distance between them afraid of what would happen if they were too close.

Once he knew Tony was gone, Gibbs ran his hands through his hair and let out a long slow sigh.

 **#########**

He'd been sitting on the couch for a while reading the paper when he heard voices outside the front door. Putting the paper down he listened then heard the front door open.

"Gibbs."

"Palmer."

"I came to check on Tony's-"

"He's in the spare room." He tipped his chin down the hall.

"It's a spare room again?" Palmer looked surprised.

"Yeah."

"Right." Palmer started down the hall.

Waiting a few minutes, Gibbs finally got up and walked towards the bedroom pausing at the door. Palmer was standing next to the bed, Tali standing on the mattress talking to the man the two of them laughing.

Feeling Gibbs presence, Tony glanced over and smiled.

Gibbs walked in stopping by Tony. "Thought Tali and I could color while Palmer checks you out."

"That would be great." Tony let out a sigh of relief. He didn't want Tali to see the wounds.

Palmer finally turned towards the two men.

Gibbs smiled at Tali. "Why don't we go color while daddy gets checked out?"

Tali looked at Tony concern in her eyes.

"It's okay. Jimmy just needs to make sure I'm healing okay."

She looked at Jimmy. "Will you tell me if he's not okay?"

Jimmy smiled. "Of course I will, but I'm sure daddy's fine."

"Promise." She held Palmer gaze.

"I promise I'll tell you the truth."

She looked at Gibbs.

"Jimmy always keeps his promises."

Palmer glanced over at Gibbs, surprised that the man had used his first name, something Gibbs rarely did.

"Okay." She walked over to the edge of the bed in front of Gibbs.

Instinctively, Gibbs picked her up and she wrapped her arms around his neck. Gibbs looked at Tony then Jimmy. "If you need anything."

"I'll let you know." Jimmy smiled and nodded.

Tali in his arms, Gibbs closed the door as they left the room.

As the footsteps grew further away, Jimmy turned to Tony, his face going from friend to doctor. "How are you feeling?"

"The ribs bother me more than anything."

"The chest wounds?"

"Really only bothers me when clothing rubs against it or there's pressure on them."

"Take off your shirt." Jimmy opened his medical bag.

Tony pulled the sweatshirt over his head and dropped it on the bed beside him. Revealing several covered areas of his chest.

"Bleeding hasn't started again?"

Tony shook his head. "That had stopped before I left the hospital."

"Good." Palmer pulled out a white cloth and placed it on the night stand then drew out gauze, tape, and ointment and placed it on the cloth. Pulling out some gloves he pulled them on then started with the covered wound closest to him. He removed the gauze carefully and examined the wound.

Tony sat there as his friend repeated the removal on each of the wounds. He watched Palmer's eyes and face as the man carefully examined each wound, palpating the area around them asking if there was any pain. Finally satisfied, Palmer stepped back and looked at his friend.

"They're healing nicely." Palmer smiled. "They should be fine uncovered." He picked up the ointment from the bedside table. "Use this twice a day, it will help with the healing and reduce the scaring." He handed it to Tony.

"I can do that." Tony agreed taking the ointment.

"As for the ribs, do you need something for the pain?"

"God no." Tony groaned. "I've been taking ibuprofen, it takes the edge off."

"Right you and pain meds not a good mix."

"Yeah."

"Fluids, healthy meals, and lots of rest." Jimmy stood a little straighter, shoulders back. "Doctor's orders."

"Yes sir, doctor sir." Tony smirked as he saluted Palmer. He was surprised when Jimmy gave him the doctor glare. Tony cleared his throat. "Understood."

"Good." Palmer nodded then started to dress the one wound he wanted recovered.

"Wow you're really getting this whole doctor thing down."

"Really." Palmer let out a sigh. "I wasn't too pushy?"

"No, you were great." Tony patted Palmer's shoulder as the man finished covering the wound.

"Thanks." Palmer smiled. "Now I want to check that wound again in a couple days."

"Sure whenever you're free."

Palmer started packing up his bag as Tony put his shirt back on. Once everything was in the bag, Palmer placed it on the floor by the bed and sat down on the edge of the bed by Tony. "And now as your friend, how are you doing."

"I'm okay."

Palmer stared at him a moment.

"Really I am."

"Then you and Gibbs have talked.

"We have." Tony smiled. Palmer didn't know the whole story, just knew his relationship with Gibbs had been strained. "And we're getting there."

"Good I'm glad to hear it."

"And thank you and thank Breena for me. I appreciate you two offering to help when I was going to stay at Ellie's."

"We would have gladly helped, but I knew it would never come to that."

Tony's brow furrowed.

"Gibbs takes care of his family. I knew he wouldn't let the two of you leave."

"Yeah, guess I should have realized that."

"We all knew, even Bishop. But we were happy to be your back up plan."

"I appreciated it, I do."

"Once this protective detail is over we want you and Tali over for dinner."

"Sounds great, she'd love to see Victoria."

"If you need anything, let me know."

"I will."

"Well I need to get back to work." Palmer stood up and grabbed his bag.

"Yeah of course."

"I'll make sure to stop and let Tali know her daddy's okay."

"Thank you."

Palmer nodded with a smile and he headed out the door.

Tony lay back down on the bed staring up at the ceiling. Well he was healing, it was looking more and more like he and Tali were safe from anything involving Cavellaro's men so the question was how much long would the protective detail last? A few days, a week. Would it be long enough for Gibbs to realize what he wanted? What if what Gibbs wanted was only friendship? Tony still wasn't sure how he would handle that. The sexual tension was already driving him mad and it was getting harder and harder to control the need. Still thinking about all the unanswered questions Tony fell asleep dreaming of the two of them making love.


	20. Chapter 20

**Title:** My Conscience is clear Chapter 20

 **Slash/Mature:** Don't like, don't read.

 **Summary:** Moral compass, principles, right and wrong, inner voice, conscience…whatever you call it. Gibbs isn't sure he can keep his conscience clear when someone he cares about is missing. The one thing he is sure of, his conscience is clear when it comes to a past transgression between them. Will that memory help or hinder the future.

All mistakes are mine, this has not been proofed.

 **####################**

Palmer walked out into the living room and smiled. Gibbs was on the floor sitting at the coffee table with Tali coloring pictures. It took a moment but Tali realized someone was watching them and looked up. Putting her crayon down, her serious face appeared.

"Is daddy okay?"

"He'd doing great. He just needs to continue to get rest and he'll be all better in no time." Palmer was rewarded with that amazing DiNozzo smile, almost the spitting image of her fathers. She jumped up from her spot and ran over to him. Squatting down she hugged him tightly and kissed his cheek.

"Thank you."

"You are very welcome, but I think they reason he'd doing so well is because you and Gibbs are taking such good care of him."

She beamed with pride and then ran over to the table and picked up a piece of paper then ran back over to Palmer. She held the paper out to him. "I made this for you."

Taking the paper he looked at the picture. "This is awesome. I love it." It was a picture of what he assumed was him with his medical bag. She had drawn a heart in the center of his chest and colored it red.

"You have a big heart because you help people."

Gibbs bit back a chuckled because he knew Palmer was almost in tears. The man was a softy in any situation, but add a child and Palmer lost it.

"I'm going to hang this right above my desk at work."

Again she smiled proudly before running back to the coffee table

Clearing his throat, Palmer stood up as Gibbs got up and made his way over. "He really is doing great. I was able to leave all but one of the wounds on his chest uncovered. The last one I'll check in a couple days."

"Okay."

"At this point, he just needs to continue to get some rest, hydrate, and build up his strength with good food. The ribs will take a while, but he said the over the counter medication is working." Palmer paused. "Have you noticed any signs of pain?"

Gibbs shook his head.

"I'll stop over in a couple days, but if you need anything before that-"

"Thanks." Gibbs patted his shoulder.

"I gotta get back." Palmer glanced over at Tali. "Bye Tali."

"Bye Jimmy."

Gibbs waited till Palmer left then went to check on Tony. When he reached the door he saw the man sound asleep on the bed. Quietly he made his way in and pulled the folded blanket from the end of the bed and gently laid it over the sleeping man. He stood there a moment just staring down at the younger man before finally turning and leaving.

 **##########**

"Is daddy going to sleep all day?" Tali asked before putting the last bite of sandwich in her mouth.

"Maybe, rest is what he needs." Gibbs took another bite of his sandwich, then a quick swig of coffee. He glanced at his watch it had been a few hours, but any extra sleep Tony could get would do him good.

"We could go take a nap with him."

Gibbs opened his mouth then closed it before finally speaking. "You could go take a nap with daddy."

"You don't wanna take a nap?"

Gibbs shook his head.

"You look tired."

"Yeah I bet I do." He'd been up most of the night he was sure he had dark circles under his eyes. He rubbed his hand over his chin and he needed a shave.

"Can we go outside?"

"Not yet."

She sighed then smiled. "Can I help with the boat?"

Gibbs' head went back. "You wanna work on the boat?"

She nodded. "Can we?"

"Sure." Gibbs smiled. "Let me refill my coffee and you find your shoes."

"Okay." She jumped up and ran off to get her shoes.

A few minutes later they were down in the basement, Tali standing on the boat in front of a beam sander in hand running it slowly back and forth over the beam.

"That's perfect." Gibbs was standing next to her watching. He saw her glance over to the work bench then she looked up at him.

She paused and pointed towards the work bench. "I wanna use that one."

Gibbs didn't need to look over he knew exactly what she was pointing at.

"It's small and pretty."

Gibbs hesitated and the little girl immediately sensed it.

Tali looked up at him head slightly tilted. "It's okay I'll use this one." She turned and went back to sanding.

Stepping down, he walked over to the work bench and looked at the item Tali had pointed at. It was a slightly smaller sanding block that had been painted pink and was sitting on a shelf by itself. He'd made the sanding block for Kelly when she was little. She'd said it was hard to hold the bigger sanding block. So he'd made this one smaller and she'd painted it pink. Picking it up, he looked at it remembering. Even when her hands were big enough for a normal sander, she still used this one.

"Was it Kelly's?"

Gibbs looked down at Tali who was now standing next to him. "Yeah."

"I promise I'll be carefully."

He squatted down next to her. "I know you will." He handed her the sanding block and she ran back to the boat. Climbing up onto the frame she started sanding the beam she had been at earlier. Standing up Gibbs leaned back against the work bench and watched as she made slow steady passes over the wood with the pink sanding block. Images of Kelly flashed through his mind and he smiled. Kelly loved working on the boat with him, would sand for hours sometimes in silence, sometimes chatting away about her day or asking silly questions. He didn't know Tali knew about Kelly, but evidently Tony had told her something about what had happened.

"Daddy said Kelly was your little girl and she went to heaven."

Gibbs brow furrowed as the little girl spoke without looking up from her task.

"She went with her mommy and now my mommy is with them."

"Yeah, I bet she is." Gibbs walked back to the boat and looked at Tali his brow still furrowed.

She paused a moment and looked up at him. "Daddy told me about her."

Gibbs nodded.

Her smile turned to a grin. "Daddy says I can read people."

"Is that so?" Gibbs smirked.

"I don't know." She shrugged. "You can read people, daddy said so."

"I don't know." He said with a shrug.

She laughed.

"Okay, finish sanding that beam so we can build this boat." Gibbs grabbed the drill and started on a beam opposite her

"Can we go fishing?" She asked starting to sand again.

"Have you ever been fishing?"

She shook her head. "Daddy and papa used to go."

"We'll go."

"You, me and daddy."

"Yeah." Gibbs chuckled. "Although not so sure your daddy will be excited about going fishing."

"He wants to go." Tali chimed back. "He said he always wanted to go fishing with you but you never asked."

The drill paused as Gibbs took in the words. Had he really never asked Tony to go fishing? Seemed odd that he wouldn't have…yet he couldn't remember ever asking. He shook his head. He'd always told himself he didn't judge Tony, that he knew the depths of the man went deeper than the jokes, the designer clothes, and the skirt chasing. Yet he'd never asked, even before that night. He was starting to realize maybe he'd made more assumptions about Tony than he'd admitted. The footsteps above pulled him from his thoughts and he looked up at the basement door just as Torres stepped into view.

"I'm looking for the card shark goes by, Little T. She's a slap jack master." He looked down and saw her pause in her sanding. His eyebrow went up. "Card shark, now boat builder, what can't this girl do?"

She giggled. "Gibbs taught me to sand."

"I see that." Torres started down the stairs. "And what a fabulous job you're doing."

"Do you know how to sand?"

"Do I know how to sand?" Torres looked offended. "Do I know how to sand. Of course, who do you think helped Gibbs before you got here?"

Gibbs picked up the sander from the boat and tossed it to Torres.

Stripping off his coat, Torres laid it over the nearby sawhorse and pushed up the sleeves of his shirt. Taking a position next to Tali he started sanding.

Gibbs glanced at Torres. "You good?"

"Yeah." Torres tipped his head towards the stairs. "We got this."

Gibbs patted Torres shoulder as he took off up the stairs. He made his way through the house to the spare room door and quietly pushed it open. When he saw the empty bed he stepped inside and glanced around. He caught the light from the bathroom to the left and took a few steps towards it, stopping in front of the open door. Tony was standing there, shirt off staring into the mirror. The younger man didn't seem to notice his presence, just continued to stare at his reflection.

It wasn't until Tony saw the reflection of the man suddenly standing behind him that he realized Gibbs had entered the room. Tony reached for the t-shirt lying next to him on the counter.

"No."

The word made Tony stop and he looked back into the mirror and his green eyes met Gibbs. The blue eyes glanced down at the knife wounds on his chest then back up. The breath Tony was about to take caught in his throat when he felt the warmth of Gibbs' body behind him. Tony sensed the touch even before he felt it and shivered before Gibbs' fingers tentatively traced over one of the marks on his chest. His eyes involuntarily closed as his body settled back against the solid form behind him. Another shiver coursed through him as the fingers caressed over another mark, then another. The touch was so loving so filled with intense emotion that Tony actually thought when he opened his eyes the marks would be gone.

"You are still the sexiest man I have ever met." The words whispered against Tony's ear and slowly he opened his eyes. "And nothing could ever change that."

Gibbs saw Tony bit his lower lip fighting back the emotion.

"If I could take it away I would. The fear, the pain…" Gibbs' fingers traced another mark a Tony's chest. "The scars, the memory, I'd take it all."

Gibbs other arm wrapped around Tony's waist drawing the younger man deeper into his embrace. His lips brushed against the side of Tony's neck and he heard the whimper of desire. Licking his lips, the familiar flavor of the man's skin caused Gibbs to bite back a growl as he took another taste, this time letting his teeth nip at the tender flesh.

Tony's mouth fell open as he reached back clutching at Gibbs' neck forcing the man hard against him. "More." Tony moaned begging for more.

Gibbs bit down on Tony's neck tasting the racing pulse under his teeth feeling it beating against his lips. God he wanted to completely devour the man, wanted to relive every moment from that night so long ago. His hand sprawled out across Tony's stomach just above the younger man's jeans as he tried to rein in the growing need. Ripping his mouth from Tony's neck he took a heavy breath.

"Jethro." The name came out as a desperate plea as Tony's eyes met the reflection of steely blue. He searched the depth of those blue eyes, searched for the anger, the pain and found them filled with only love and desire. Spinning around, Tony crushed their lips together demanding Gibbs' lips part and tasting the overwhelming flavor of coffee without even a hint of Bourbon. The arms that enveloped him did so gently and tenderly, drawing him closer without the force that should have accompanied the desire between them. It wasn't until he felt the fingers claw up his back and Gibbs' hard cock press against his own that he realized Gibbs had allowed himself to complete give in to the desire. Rocking his hips forward, Tony heard the low growl from the older man then their lips were ripped apart. The normally blue eyes had turned almost completely black as they stared at him.

"Tone, you need to stop." Even as the words came out in short huffs, Gibbs felt Tony rocking his hips against him. "Please." He felt Tony's forehead touch his then the body against him still as the younger man took a long slow breath.

"Jethro I want you."

"I want you too." Gibbs gently tugged the man closer. "But now is not the time."

"I know." Tony said the words as he blew out the breath he'd just taken. Pulling his head back his eyes danced around Gibbs' face looking for any sign of regret.

"No regrets." Gibbs' hand caressed over the small of Tony's back.

"What if we were alone, no agents, Tali was asleep or-"

"You know I don't like what ifs." Gibbs sighed. "I need honest straight forward answers."

"What's the question?"

Gibbs' eyes narrowed, his fingertips dug into the small of Tony's back as he asked the same question he'd asked of Tony that night. "I need to know that what I want is mine…all mine." He felt the body against him stop breathing as he asked the question. "Are you mine?"

Breathlessly Tony spoke the word. "Yes." Tony reached up and cupped Gibbs' cheek. "And nothing and no one could ever make me walk away from you. I will be yours until I take my last breath whether I'm with you or not…and that is the most honest straightforward answer I have ever given to a question asked of me."

Gibbs captured Tony's, a kiss not to fuel the passion but to express the depth of the emotion the words had had on him.

As their lips slowly parted, Tony let his hand fall from Gibbs' cheek to settle on the older man's chest. His fingers picked at the fabric of the sweatshirt as he spoke with nervousness in his voice. "I'm not asking for I love you or you to say everything's right with us again when I know it's not." His gaze drifted up and met Gibbs. "But I need to know we're working towards us again, that you're going to be able to get passed everything that happened between us and want us again…because if you don't think you can, I need to know that because I can't keep hoping and then lose you." He cleared his throat of the looming emotion. "You asked me for an honest answer, now I need one from you."

"I want us, more than I have ever wanted anything, but we-"

Tony's finger came up and pressed against Gibbs' lips and he shook his head. "I know we have things to work on, but as long as you want us, we can work on the rest."

"I want us, I want you and I willing to do whatever it takes."

"So am I."

"And I meant what I said. You are the sexist man I've ever know." Gibbs' hand caressed up Tony's back. "And no amount of scars is going to change that."

Tony sighed. "I know, but insecurities creep in, especially when we've been in this limbo."

"I think I've made it clear, but in case I haven't." Gibbs licked his lips. "Wanting you, the desire, the need…" Gibbs shook his head. "Is always there, always."

That brilliant DiNozzo smile spread across Tony's face.

"Alright." Gibbs balked knowing exactly what Tony was thinking. "That doesn't mean you get to taunt me constantly."

"Would I do that?"

"Yes!" Gibbs snapped back.

"You're right I would."

Gibbs' let go of Tony and took a step back.

Tony laughed as he grabbed Gibbs' hand and tugged the older man back into his personal space. "I promise to be good…" Gibbs' eyebrow went up. "Most of the time."

Gibbs rolled his eyes.

"Okay I'll behave." Tony smirked.

"You still have broken ribs, a broken arm and wounds that need to heal, so you'll be behave." Gibbs glared at the younger man. "And…" Gibbs' expression grew serious.

"Tali." Tony already knew what Gibbs was about to say. "She knows I love you, she maybe doesn't understand the full extent, but she'll be thrilled." Tony smiled. "She adores you."

"Adore her, that's not the point."

"I know." Tony sighed. "She's smart she'll know somethings going on, but I'll explain it to her."

"We can explain it to her, if you want."

"I would love that."

"Okay." Gibbs paused. "You haven't asked where she is."

"That's because I heard Nick come in and head down the basement steps." Tony chuckled. "I think she has a crush on him."

"Yeah I thought that too."

"He's a good looking guy." Tony shrugged.

"Is that so?" Gibbs' eyebrow went up.

"Oh come on like you haven't noticed."

Gibbs stared at Tony.

"From what I hear he hangs around a lot, here and at Ellie's." Tony grinned. "Something going on with those two."

"Gibbs rolled his eyes. "I think it's getting there."

"You okay with that?"

"Pot calling the kettle black."

Tony laughed. "Yeah, kinda hard to inforce that one anymore."

"I need to check on Torres and Tali make sure the boat is still standing." Gibbs gave Tony a quick kiss and Tony released his hand.

Tony nodded and leaned back against the counter. Letting out a sigh, he felt the relief wash over him, Gibbs wanted to work on them and that was all that mattered. And now he'd do everything he possible could to make it work.


	21. Chapter 21

**Title:** My Conscience is clear Chapter 21

 **Slash/Mature:** Don't like, don't read.

 **Summary:** Moral compass, principles, right and wrong, inner voice, conscience…whatever you call it. Gibbs isn't sure he can keep his conscience clear when someone he cares about is missing. The one thing he is sure of, his conscience is clear when it comes to a past transgression between them. Will that memory help or hinder the future.

All mistakes are mine, this has not been beta'ed

 **####################**

Gibbs stood at the top of the steps leading to the basement and looked at the scene below him. Torres and Tali were sitting on the boat playing cards. Tali was laughing as Torres again let her win the jacks.

"You have some superhuman speed."

"You're just slow." She giggled as they both flipped another card. Two more flips and a jack appeared, this time Torres was the first to slap his hand down and it was clear Tali had let him take it. Torres' eyebrow went up. "I think you let me have that, but since I'm clearly losing, I'm going to take it." He pulled the cards towards him and they both started flipping cards again.

Walking down the steps, they both looked up at Gibbs.

"Never bet on cards with this one. I'm already in to her for a night out for ice cream, two juice boxes and four bucks." Torres smirked. "She's a shark."

"Yeah, she got it from both sides." Gibbs chuckled remembering how they had finally taught Ziva to play poker and immediately regretted it.

"Is daddy up?"

"Yeah he is."

She looked over at Torres.

"Go, but I automatically win this one so I'm up a juice box."

She smiled. "Can we play tomorrow?"

"Of course."

Jumping down from the boat, she took off up the steps as Torres climbed down.

"Thanks." Gibbs gave the man a nod as he leaned back against the work bench. "She's got a crush on you."

Torres chuckled. "Well I'm sweet on her too." The chuckle faded as he saw the seriousness return to Gibbs' face. "Haven't heard anything on Cavellero's men, you hear something I didn't?"

Gibbs shook his head.

"So what's with the face?" Torres waited and Gibbs was still silent. "Come on Gibbs give me a clue?"

"I caught your reflection in the mirror."

Torres' eyebrows went up. "Damn, thought I got out clean."

Gibbs shook his head again.

"Listen I came up to ask where the cards were, I didn't realize you two were getting ready to go all Brokeback Mountain."

Gibbs rolled his eyes.

"Okay maybe more PG rated like In & Out.

"Torres." Gibbs snapped.

"What? What do you want me to say?" Torres shrugged. "Not like it's a big surprise. That rumor has been making the rounds long before I got here."

Gibbs' eyebrow went up.

"Come on?" Torres chuckled. "You had to know people thought it, long before Tony left."

"No."

"Really?" Torres looked genuinely surprised. "You know everything and you didn't know everyone was talking about you and Tony?" Another chuckled. "I mean we all knew he and Tali were never going to Ellie's and not just because you take care of your own."

Gibbs ran his hands down his face.

"Gibbs, you ran off to Paris, both barrels loaded, with or without NCIS to save Tony and you didn't think people knew why?" Torres looked at Gibbs. "And the report about taking out the car and how many guys that were moving Tony." Torres smirked proudly. "That was classic Gary Cooper or Clint Eastwood."

"I'd have done that for any of my team."

"Oh but not with the full gusto that you did for Tony, come on that was pretty sweet, sweet as in awesome not sweet as in cute." Torres clarified. "It was obvious there was more to it than just saving a member of your team."

"I need to find more work for you people."

"Please, we can do our job and still talk about the Tibbs romance."

"The what?" Gibbs brow furrowed.

"Tibbs." Torres explained. "Tony and Gibbs, Tibbs."

Gibbs rolled his eyes.

"Don't blame me; I didn't come up with it." Torres paused and let out a sigh. "All I'm trying to get at is no one cares. They'll be happy for you, both of you."

"We still want to-"

"My lips are sealed." Torres pretended to zip his lips. "What you do in your home is your business. Although if you're gonna be doing your ex senior field agent-" Torres looked at Gibbs and raised his voice. "Put a damn lock on the front door. You don't want Tim walking in here catching Tony bent over the kitchen table while you play hide the sausage."

"HEY!" Gibbs barked.

"Sorry but Tim would lose his freakin mind. Again not that he cares, but he has a certain image of you and it would break something in that computer brain of his if he saw that." Torres paused as if contemplating. "Although you bent over the kitchen table while Tony plays hide the sausage might be harder for him to take."

"ENOUGH!" Gibbs barked again.

"Come on you have to admit, people assume hard ass control freak at work that the same goes for how you like your sex. But then again." Torres wiggled his eyebrows. "Sometimes it's nice to give someone else control."

Gibbs' eyebrow went up.

"Hey guys aren't my thing, but I can appreciate two good looking men." Torres smirked at Gibbs. "Those steely blue eyes that had to be what got Tony, all drop to my knees I'm your loyal Saint Bernard. And that Tony smile had to put a little dance in your pants."

Gibbs rolled his eyes and dropped his head back.

"Are you always this up tight talking about sex or is it just with me?"

Raising his head, Gibbs glared at Torres.

"Right, just with me, we're not really at that stage yet." Torres took a few steps towards Gibbs. "I've got your six. We all do."

Gibbs nodded.

Torres couldn't help himself. "Although knowing what I know now, I know why Tony liked having your six."

"Get out."

"It's just so easy."

"Out." Gibbs pointed up towards the basement door.

"Okay I'm going." Torres started for the stairs pausing when he reached the landing. "Can I at least tease Tony?"

"GO." Gibbs shouted.

Torres put his hands up and then turned and walked out. He was just about to step through the kitchen into the dining room when he stopped seeing Tony standing at the opening between the dining room and living room. "Let me guess you heard at least part of that?"

"Yeah." Tony looked at Torres. "And as much as those steel blue eyes will haunt you, it wasn't what made me his loyal Saint Bernard."

Torres' eyebrow went up and he smirked. "Oh I like you more and more every day."

Tony grinned.

"You know everyone's cool right?"

"Yeah, I do."

Torres smirked. "And you know about the rumors?"

"About Tibbs" Tony chuckled. "I know."

"How does Gibbs not know?" Torres shook his head. "The man knows everything."

"Gibbs is a simple man, he didn't wanna know so it wasn't even on his radar."

"Yeah, I get that, but still."

"Or he knew and he doesn't want to admit it."

Torres chuckled and pointed a finger at Tony. "That sounds more like the Gibbs I know."

"I agree."

"You know." Torres took a step closer to Tony. "If you two need an hour, some alone time, I can hang out with Tali."

Tony's eyebrow went up.

"I'm just saying."

Tony tried not to smirk. "As much as I would love that, that doesn't work for so many reasons."

Torres brow furrowed into a confused look.

"One, not there yet. Two, I'd rather let the ribs heal before I take on Gibbs, and three and most importantly, alone time with Gibbs requires at least four hours."

Torres head went back and his eyes went wide. Then he smirked. "I have two things to say to that. First go Gibbs and secondly, I knew you two had already done the deed." He saw Tony's eyes jump to something behind him just as he felt the head slap.

"That's enough out of both of you and Torres…" Gibbs glared over at him. "Get out."

Torres turned as Gibbs walked over to the coffee pot and refilled his cup. "What I get a head slap and he gets nothing?"

"Believe me he'll get something."

Torres looked at Tony and grinned. "Is that how you two play it?" He wiggled his eyebrows.

"Do I need to head slap you again?" Gibbs barked.

"I'm going." Torres started to walk passed Tony and whispered. "Hope those ribs are ready."

Tony waited until he heard the front door open and close before speaking. "It was all in fun."

"Don't encourage him." Gibbs turned around and leaned back against the counter. "He's as bad as you."

Tony looked at Gibbs, eyebrow raised. "Is that why you like him, he reminds you of me?"

Gibbs shrugged. "In some ways."

"Maybe I need to keep an eye on him."

"Don't you think if I wanted Torres…I'd have already had him?" Gibbs took a sip of his coffee.

Tony's eyes went wide.

"I don't want Torres." Gibbs let Tony off the hook. "He's a good agent and he's finally realizing he has a place here, family, people that care and that he can trust."

"Yeah, that's a good feeling to finally have." Tony sighed. "I was teasing about Torres."

"I know so was I."

Tony took a few steps towards the older man putting himself in arms reach. "So what exactly am I getting instead of a head slap?"

Gibbs' eyes skimmed down Tony's body thinking about all the things he'd love to give Tony instead of a head slap.

"And here I thought you were thinking of one specific thing." Tony stepped into Gibbs personal space. "But that look says you're thinking about so many things."

"Do I need to repeat the three things you mentioned to Torres?" Gibbs tried not to let Tony's closeness affect him.

"This needs to end soon." Tony sighed placing a hand on Gibbs' chest slightly surprised when the heart beat was slow and steady.

"Well that's part of the reason I came up here." Gibbs paused. "Di'Algo's looking for Josie."

"Josie?"

"He thinks Cavellaro was looking for her and if he can find her, those still feeling loyal to Cavellaro may put their loyalties with him.

"Which means he wants her dead."

Gibbs didn't respond.

"And?"

"It doesn't look like he knows about you and Tali."

"But he could or he could find out." Tony took a step back away from Gibbs. "I don't know how much longer I can take this." He looked at Gibbs. "It's like being on the longest stake out ever and I hate stake outs. And Tali, she can't even go outside and play."

"I know it's hard but we have to-"

"No you don't have to, Tali and I have to, you can come and go as you please but we're stuck here and I don't-"

Gibbs took Tony's hand gently pulling the man closer, their hands against his chest, his blue eyes staring into green.

"Don't give me that look." Tony rolled his eyes. "And don't act like you don't know what look I'm talking about."

Gibbs' arm slipped around Tony's waist bringing the man against his body in a tender embrace.

"Jethro." Tony glared at him. "I swear to God I'm going to smack you."

Gibbs' right eyebrow jumped slightly and the right corner of his lip threatened to smirk.

"Oh don't even." Tony snapped. "I'm serious; you know how I get when I'm cooped up for too long."

Again Gibbs forced himself not to smirk. "Yeah, I do."

Tony's eyes narrowed. "I am not your senior field agent, I will head slap you."

"You could try."

"Are you seriously challenging me right now?" Tony barked. "Because between the anxiety of being cooped up, worrying about Tali, and the sexual tension between us, I know damn well I could take you. Even with a broken arm and broken ribs!"

"Do you want a fight?"

"What I want is to be able to leave the damn house, go to a mall, take my daughter for a walk, make love to the man I love, sleep curled up in your arms and not have to worry about some agent walking in on us or seeing us through the freakin window. I want some control over my life." He was taken aback when the lips captured his, his first reaction was to pull back, he was in argument mode, but when the tongue licked across the center of his lips they involuntarily parted. It was a kiss full of love and understanding, laced with that ever present hint of unmet passion. A kiss that made Tony's knees weak and his heart soar.

When Gibbs finally drew back, Tony's eyes were still closed, mouth slightly open, and the younger man licked his lips.

Opening his eyes, Tony found the understanding blue eyes staring at him. "Are you going to do that every time I have a freak out?"

"Maybe. If it helps."

Tony shook his head and groaned.

"We'll figure something out, but you know how this goes."

"Doesn't make it any easier."

"Yeah." Gibbs placed a kiss on Tony's forehead. "And I'm here if you need to talk, or Jack could come over."

"I'm just frustrated." Tony sighed. "In more ways than one."

Gibbs chuckled.

"Daddy this won't play." Tali came in iPad in hand and stopped as she stepped into the kitchen looking at the two men still embracing.

Tony stepped out of Gibbs' arms and turned to his daughter. "What won't play?"

"Are you best friends again?"

Tony looked back over his shoulder at Gibbs, then back at Tali. "Yeah."

"You're in love." She grinned.

Tony could see the hopefulness in Tali's eyes. "Gibbs and I care about each other a lot, but we have some issues to work out."

"But you love each other so it will all be okay."

Tony opened his mouth about to speak then stopped.

"Yeah it will."

Tony turned around as the words came out of Gibbs' mouth and looked at the older man with an expression of surprise, hopefulness, and a hint of worry.

"Are we going to stay here forever?" Tali walked over looking up at Gibbs. "I need my stuff from Paris."

Gibbs squatted down and smiled at her. "Your daddy and I have a lot of things to talk about and a lot of things to figure out, but as soon as we know, you'll know okay?"

"Okay." She turned back around to her daddy holding the iPad up to him. "It won't play."

Still stuck on what Gibbs had just said, Tony shook his head and took the iPad from Tali. He tapped a few buttons and the video started.

"Thanks." She grabbed the iPad back from him and took off back towards the spare room.

The green eyes stared at Gibbs.

"It's simple for kids."

"I don't want to give her false hope. You saw how she reacted when she thought we were going to go to Bishop's." Tony felt the emotion catch in his throat. "Is that really how you feel? That it's all going to be okay."

Gibbs took a step towards Tony and took a deep breath. "I know that I love you." He saw Tony hold his breath as the words fell from his lips. "And I believe we can work through the issues we have and I don't think that's giving her false hope."

"You just said you love me."

"I do and I needed to admit that to myself and to you." Gibbs took a deep breath and blew it out. "But it still doesn't make the issues go away."

"I know that." Tony moved towards Gibbs. "But hearing you say it makes me believe everything will be okay."

Reaching out, Gibbs hooked two fingers of two of Tony's. "I love you Tony."

"I love you too." Tony took the final step putting into Gibbs' space and his lips brushed against the older mans. It was soft and tender, showing the overwhelming love he felt without pushing for the passion. He said as he stepped back. "Okay I seriously need a cold shower and to get out of this house."

Gibbs couldn't help but laugh. "The cold shower you can have and I'll work on the getting you out of the house."


	22. Chapter 22

**Title:** My Conscience is clear Chapter 22

 **Slash/Mature:** Don't like, don't read.

 **Summary:** Moral compass, principles, right and wrong, inner voice, conscience…whatever you call it. Gibbs isn't sure he can keep his conscience clear when someone he cares about is missing. The one thing he is sure of, his conscience is clear when it comes to a past transgression between them. Will that memory help or hinder the future.

All mistakes are mine, this has not been proofed.

 **####################**

Tony went to take a cold sponge bath and when he came back into the living room Gibbs in dress slacks and a jacket. Tali was drawing at the coffee table

Gibbs stood up from his seat on the couch. "I have to go in to work for a while."

Tony nodded. He was surprised Gibbs had managed to stay away from the office this long.

"I'll be back as soon as I can." Gibbs made his way to Tony standing in front of the younger man.

"I know." Tony patted Gibbs' chest. He could see the emotion in the blue eyes, knew Gibbs hated having to leave.

"If you need anything, the agents are outside, Bishop's one of them."

"We'll be fine." Tony was taken aback when Gibbs took his hand and held it to his chest.

"It will be over soon then you and I-"

"Don't say it." Tony groaned. "I just calmed myself down."

Gibbs chuckled. "I wasn't gonna say that." He squeezed Tony's hand. "I was gonna say we'll have dinner, talk, and go from there."

Tony nodded.

Leaning in, Gibbs kissed Tony's cheek. "Be back as soon as I can." He smiled down at Tali who was looking up at them. "You need anything?"

She shook her head.

Letting go of Tony's hand he headed for the door.

Tony sat down on the couch and smiled at his daughter.

"Do you want to live here?"

"Come up here." He patted the couch next to him.

She climbed up on the couch and sat down next to her dad.

"Do you?"

"If it's right for all of us, you, me, Gibbs."

"You love each other."

"We do and he loves you."

"I know." She smiled proudly.

Tony chuckled. "But there are a lot of other things that we have to figure out, but like Gibbs said once we figure it out we'll explain it all to you okay?"

"Okay."

"And no more questions about living here forever."

"But I want to stay here forever."

Tony sighed. "What about Paris?"

She shrugged. "I like Paris, but I like here better." She smiled. "And you like it here, you're smiley."

"Smiley huh?"

She nodded. "And I'd get to see my friends all the time."

"Who?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Aunt Ellie, Uncle Tim, Uncle Palmer, Nick, everyone."

"Nick?"

She smiled and nodded.

"You like Nick?"

Another nod.

Tony groaned as he leaned back on the couch. She was gonna go for those bad boy types he could see it now. He'd have to meet the guys at the door holding his gun.

 **##########**

Gibbs walked into the bullpen two cups of coffee in hand. Fornell was already there sitting at Gibbs' desk.

"This better work." Gibbs handed Fornell one of the cups.

"Di'Algo already has a few of his own men in place and he contacted a couple of Bolaro's men, told them he knows where Josie is and he's making the play."

"And?"

Fornell shrugged. "Their loyalty is up for grabs. Bolaro's not making a lot of friends right now."

"Tony and Tali?"

"Still no mention of them, but Di'Algo is trying to figure out where Josie was and why witness protection moved her."

"Back stories in place?"

Fornell nodded. "He's already checked with our Agent posing as the store owner to see if Josie was working there."

Gibbs took a swig of his coffee.

"If this works we get Josie to safety and we get Di'Algo."

"How's Josie?"

"Scared." Fornell shook his head. "Most seasoned agents don't like this kind of assignment. For a civilian it's even worse, but she's ready."

"Bolaro?"

"Can't have everything." Fornell watched as Gibbs took another sip of coffee. "Or can you?" Fornell's eyebrow went up as he stared at his friend.

Gibbs rolled his eyes.

"We haven't talked. You get back on the stallion yet?"

"Really?"

"What?" Fornell shrugged. "Seemed like a fitting metaphor." He smirked. "Or you letting all the tension build up so you can have a little explosion of your own once you don't have agents crawling all over your house."

Gibbs rubbed his forehead.

"Oh you are waiting." Fornell chuckled. "They better clear a two mile radius when that finally happens."

"You're an ass." Gibbs started towards the steps to MTAC.

"Just call 'em like I see 'em." Fornell jumped out of the chair and followed Gibbs.

 **##########**

He'd turned on the TV for back ground noise as they sat and placed a game. Tony couldn't remember the name of it some card game where you tried to get the right matching cards to create different monsters.

"I only need one more." Tali looked over at the cards her dad had laid down. "You need three."

"Then I need to get on the ball." He drew a card and it matched a half of a monster he already had. Grinning, he laid the completed monster down. "Only two more." He glanced over as the breaking news sound chimed and the black and white movie that had been playing disappeared replaced by a blond news reporters face.

"This is ZNN news and I'm Laura Hall. An explosion at a home in Mount Airy Maryland has killed four people. ZNN has just confirmed that two Homeland Security agents and an FBI agent were among the four killed. The fourth was a person in protective custody."

A video appeared in the upper right corner of the screen of a house still in flames and fire fighters on the scene trying to put them out. Tony stood up as the reporter spoke again.

"No names have been released and the cause of the explosion is still unknown." She paused. "Homeland Security is already on scene. Although they have confirmed it was not a terrorist attack, no other details were given."

Tony looked down at Tali as the reported continued talking about no other details at this time. "Sweetie you stay right here. I need to talk to Aunt Ellie okay."

She nodded.

Heading to the back door, Tony stepped onto the patio and within seconds an agent was walking towards him.

"Mr. DiNozzo can I help you?"

"Get me Bishop, now." His voice was stern; his eyes narrowed daring the agent to object.

The agent didn't hesitate as he spoke. "Agent Bishop come to the back door." He smiled at Tony. "Sir, could you step back inside. I'm sure she'll be here in a moment."

A second later Bishop was running towards the back door.

"What is it?" She saw Tony standing just outside the door. "Tony what's wrong?"

"I need your phone."

"You know protocol, you can't-"

"I need to talk to Gibbs, now." He stared at Bishop. "You call him or give me the phone." He held out his hand.

She tipped her head telling the other agent to continue his patrol. Pulling out the phone she tapped at the screen a few times then handed the phone to Tony.

He stepped back inside and waited.

"Bishop."

"Tell me you knew about this."

Standing in the middle of MTAC next to Fornell, Gibbs head dropped forward. Tony had barely turned on the TV in all the time he'd been here and of course he had to have it on now.

"Gibbs, please."

"Trust me." They were the only words he knew that would convey what Tony needed to hear without admitting anything.

Tony's eyes closed and he took a deep breath.

"I'll be home soon." As soon as Gibbs said the words the call ended. Sticking his phone back in his pocket he turned back to the screen.

"He saw it." Fornell wasn't really asking more confirming.

Gibbs nodded.

"Go we'll handle it." Fornell received the Gibbs glare. He put his hands up. "Just saying-"

"Get Homeland on the phone." Gibbs barked.

 **##########**

Opening the door quietly, Gibbs stepped into the house after midnight. He could see the light from the TV, but it was silent. As he approached the living room he paused when he saw Tony curled on his side facing the TV asleep on the couch alone. He walked down the hallway to the spare room and glanced in through the half open door. Tali was sound asleep in the bed hugging her stuffed dog. Heading back towards the living room, he slipped his shoes off just inside the room and walked towards the couch. His first thought was Tony was feigning sleep, but as he got closer he could hear the slow steady breathing of the sleeping man. Slipping off his dress jacket, he tossed it over the back of the chair next to the couch. Sitting down on the edge of the center cushion, Gibbs fingers traced a path down the younger man's jawline and the green eyes slowly opened and looked up at him.

"You okay?"

Tony nodded. He wasn't angry, he knew why Gibbs couldn't tell him, knew that Gibbs still couldn't tell him the whole truth. It was part of the job, a job Tony knew all too well. He felt the hand tap his hip and he understood. Scooting back further, Tony held his breath as Gibbs lay down next to him a strong arm slid around his waist and the hand settled at the small of his back.

Gibbs sighed contently when Tony's hand came to his chest.

"Did you eat?"

Gibbs gave a quick shake of his head.

"Tired?"

A nod from Gibbs.

"Are we sleeping here?"

"Yeah." Gibbs pressed a kiss to Tony's forehead. "I wanna hold you." His arm around Tony tightened tugging the younger man against him.

Tony's hand made its way to Gibbs' neck. "Do I get a good night kiss at least?"

Gibbs' lips brushed against Tony's wanting the kiss to be brief fearing what would happen if he lingered. But Tony wanted more. The hand on Gibbs' neck latched on as the younger man devoured his lips demanding more and Gibbs gave in. The want and need taking hold as the kiss turned from passionate to animalistic.

Tony's fingertips dug into Gibbs' neck, his tongue forced its way across Gibbs' lips tasting the coffee as he crushed his body against the older man's. He wanted more, so much more. He wanted them naked, skin to skin, wanted their bodies joined, making love as he screamed for Gibbs to make him come. This, this small connection wasn't enough. And even as the rational side of him reminded him this couldn't happen now, his body wanted more.

"Tone." Gibbs growled the name as he ripped his lips from Tony's desperate for some separation between them.

"I know." Tony groaned trying to force the desire back into its cage, but his body refused to listen as his hips gyrated creating friction between them.

"Don't." Gibbs hissed as his hand at the small of Tony's back slid down grabbing Tony's ass trying to stop the younger man's movements. He'd wanted this to be a tender moment between them, a closeness that they both needed, but he should have known…should have known the love he'd denied for so many years would demand some form of retribution. He squeezed Tony's ass as his lips descended to the younger man's neck desperate for a taste. And God it was sweet, but still not enough. Gibbs bit down feeling the raging pulse against his lips, under his teeth. Yet again, he realized he needed more and his hand left Tony's ass and slipped between them.

Tony let out a gasp as the hand slipped inside his sweats and squeezed his hard cock. Then the lips brushed against his ear.

"I need you, this." Gibbs snarled forcing the sweats down enough to expose Tony's cock.

"Gibbs, I-" Tony's mouth fell open as Gibbs stroked over his cock hard and fast.

"So hard, already aching to come." Gibbs nipped at Tony's earlobe. "I love that I make you like this."

No one had ever made Tony feel the way Gibbs did. This sense of complete safety and protection, all consuming desire and passion, and overwhelming love and devotion, Gibbs made him feel whole again.

"Tell me I'm the only one that will ever touch you like this again." Gibbs voice was dripping with possessiveness.

"The only one." Tony's breathing hitched as he spoke and his hand fell from Gibbs' neck fisting into his shirt. He was thrusting into Gibbs' hand the calloused hand sending the pleasure surging through him

"I wanna suck your cock…taste every inch of you." Gibbs panted. "I should have known. I'd never be able to resist you…so little control with you."

"I want you completely out of control with me."

"No you don't." Gibbs growled. "Especially not now." The small sliver of control he had reminded him of the reason he couldn't give in to the madness that threatened. "But when I have you alone-" Gibbs jaw clenched as the lewd ways that he wanted to fuck Tony raced through his mind. The obscene array of erotic visions made every muscle in his body tense. "I will do everything to you that I've been dreaming about for over a decade."

Tony couldn't breathe, his lungs refused to take in air as the touch, the words, made his body start to tremble.

"I will use your body in ways you never imaged." Gibbs' thumb rubbed across the head of Tony's cock and the body against him shook.

"Jet." Tony took a strangled breath desperate to fill his aching lungs.

"And Just when you think it's over." Gibbs pulled his head back meeting the hazy green eyes. "I'll beg you to do it all to me."

Tony's mouth fell open and his eyes rolled back into his head. He buried his face against Gibbs' neck biting down as he screamed against the flesh. Thrusting into Gibbs' hand, he tore into the older man's flesh muffling the screams and cried of pleasure that continued to fall.

 **##########**

Listening to the slow steady breathing, Tony admired the face before him. The face of the man he'd loved for so long he couldn't remember a time when he didn't. The face of a man that had went from mentor, to friend, to lover, only to become some invisible presence that he told himself he needed to forget. And now here they were again, closer but still with questions and concerns between them. But this time, this time he wouldn't walk away, he'd face it all, good and bad, fighting with every ounce of strength he had. He felt the lips touch his nose and smiled when the blue eyes opened and met his. The arm around him tightened pulling him closer as the soft lips touched his.

"I'll never walk away from you again. I promise."

Gibbs' eyes opened gazing into the emotion filled green pools. "I know."

"And whatever questions or concern you have, I'll answer or fix, I'll do whatever it takes." Tony's hand cupped Gibbs' face as he brushed his lips against the older man's. "I don't want to lose you again, ever." He felt the hand caress up his back and he relished the gently touch. "We can talk about Ziva, EJ, Zoe, why I was so scared, Paris, anything… I'll try and explain it all. Or we don't have to talk about any of it." He placed his hand on Gibbs' chest. "Whatever you want."

"I want to stop being angry with her." The words came out with more venom than Gibbs expected.

Tony's brow furrowed. "Angry at whom?"

Gibbs hesitated. "Ziva."

Tony pulled back slightly. "It wasn't all her fault, I-"

"If she knew how I felt." Gibbs gritted his teeth. "She should have never let it happen." His anger had intensified after he realized she knew everything.

"So you want to place all the blame on her?"

"No." Gibbs shook his head.

Tony stared at the man trying to read the intense look of hurt on his face, it wasn't just hurt but. "Betrayal." Tony suddenly recognized it, that same look Gibbs had when they'd talked about Tony's relationship with EJ. "She betrayed you because you were like a father to her."

Gibbs bit back a response.

"That night, she was questioning everything, the very essence of who she was, how she was indoctrinated by the Mossad that killing people was justified, and that everything she'd ever done was wrong." Tony shook his head. "And maybe it sounds cold that she didn't consider your feelings, but honestly her world was crumbling and she just needed someone to be there for her, someone that loved her and would accept her completely falling apart."

Gibbs let out the breath he'd been holding.

"She regretted it later, not that it had happened, but hurting you, which is part of the reason we were never going to tell anyone about it." Tony sighed. "She loved you, knew how much I loved you, and she wanted us to be together." He paused. "You can be angry at her, you can be angry at both of us. I can't change that it happened and I wouldn't. But Jethro, if I had been in love with her, I would have done anything to stay with her. Instead I'm here fighting to be with you." He placed his palm over Gibbs' heart. "Just like EJ and Zoe, and everyone in between, it ended because I never stopped loving you." Tony burrowed closer. "And this, us, being here with you is exactly where I am supposed to be."

"And this is exactly where I want you." Gibbs captured Tony's lips again moved by the depth of the words, the explanation, and needing to convey that emotion.

Tony suddenly pushed Gibbs away. "You cannot start this again."

"Me?" Gibbs chuckled. "You started it last time."

"No, I wanted a good night kiss." Tony smirked needing to break the emotional tension.

Gibbs' eyebrow went up. "Really?"

"Yes."

"I'll remember that tonight." Gibbs went to draw back and Tony's hands fisted in his shirt pulling him back. "Need something?"

"A babysitter, a sound proof room, and a day locked in that room alone with you."

Gibbs broke out laughing.

"Or better yet and end to this damn protection detail, a babysitter, and making love in every room like you promised.

"I'm doing my best." Gibbs' arms enveloped the younger man again. "Give me a few more days and hopefully-"

Tony's eyes lit up. "Maybe."

"Maybe, but I need at least forty-eight hours, then I can tell you more."

"Okay." Tony sighed. "As long as you promise I get to sleep with you again tonight."

"I promise."

"Good." Tony wiggled his eyebrows. "Because I'd like my own play time with you tonight."

"Is that so?" Gibbs felt his body temperature rise.

Tony nodded slowly.

"What if I want play time right now." Gibbs' hands were suddenly on Tony's ribcage sending the man into a fit of uncontrollable laughter.

"Stop." Tony's voice raised three octaves as he tried to squirm away. Gibbs continued his assault smiling at the laughter that filled the room. Then it instantly stopped and Tony took a deep breath. "What?" Tony followed Gibbs gaze, both of them now staring at the smiling little girl standing just inside the living room.

"Morning sweetie." Tony cleared his throat. "Was I laughing to loud?"

She nodded still just smiling at the two men. Then Gibbs tipped his head towards the couch and the smile turned into a wide grin and she ran over jumping on the couch and snuggling between them.

Tony kissed her forehead, followed by one from Gibbs as she started asking about breakfast, and then talking about a dream she had then a pause.

"When you decide we can live her forever can I paint my room pink and purple?"

"Tali, what did I tell you last night?"

She tipped her head back and looked at dad. "I'm not asking about living her forever. I'm asking about my room."

Tony rolled his eyes and dropped his head back as Gibbs snickered.


	23. Chapter 23

**Title:** My Conscience is clear- Chapter 23

 **Slash/Mature:** Don't like, don't read.

 **Summary:** Moral compass, principles, right and wrong, inner voice, conscience…whatever you call it. Gibbs isn't sure he can keep his conscience clear when someone he cares about is missing. The one thing he is sure of, his conscience is clear when it comes to a past transgression between them. Will that memory help or hinder the future.

All mistakes are mine, this has not been proofed.

 **####################**

Tony saw Gibbs glance at his watch again. He shook his head. "Looking at your watch every five minutes isn't going to make the phone ring." Tony laid a card down and Tali picked it up.

"I know." Gibbs leaned back on the couch and ran his hands down his face.

"Fornell will call as soon as he knows something." Tony watched as Tali grinned and laid down another match winning the game. His eyebrow went up. "I think Nick's right, you're a card shark."

Tali giggled. "You just don't pay attention."

"True." Tony tossed his cards down on the coffee table. "Daddy needs a break."

"Okay." She gathered the cards up and put them in the box.

"Why don't you go work on the boat." Tony knew Gibbs needed something to focus on other than waiting for the call from Fornell. "You know it's probably not going to be today."

"Yeah." Gibbs glanced over at Tali who was now playing some game on her IPad.

"We're fine." Tony patted Gibbs' leg as he got up. "I'm going to get more coffee and relax a little bit."

Gibbs followed Tony into the kitchen and to the coffee pot.

Filling his cup, Tony watched as Gibbs sat his cup down on the counter. Tony filled Gibbs' cup and put the pot back. He was surprised when a hand reached around and grabbed the cup. Tony had expected the arms to circle around his waist had expect the closeness. He was about to spin around when he felt the soft lips press a kiss to the side of his neck. The tender affection made Tony smile.

"If you need anything just holler."

Tony sighed as he felt the words against his ear. "I will." He felt the gently touch of Gibbs' hand caress across the small of his back and his eyes closed relishing the touch. Realizing he heard the footsteps going down the steps, Tony opened his eyes and walked back into the living room.

Tali was now sitting on the end of the couch and she looked up at her dad as he came into the room. "Gibbs is worried about us?"

"Yes he is." Tony sat down on the couch next to her.

"Are we going to be able to go outside soon?"

"Hopefully."

"When will we know?"

"I'm not sure. Gibbs is hoping we hear today, but probably not for a few days." Tony was just as impatient as Gibbs.

"Then will you decide if we can live here forever?"

He rolled his eyes.

"I know." She rolled her eyes back at him. "I'm not supposed to ask."

He knew she was anxious, knew her life had been turned upside down because of all of this and she wanted answers as much as he did. "Come here."

She crawled into his lap and put her head on his shoulder. He kissed the top of her head. "I wish I had answers for you sweetie."

"Is it because of me?"

"No." He pulled back and looked at her. "Absolutely not."

She looked at him still not sure.

"You know Gibbs loves you and he always will, no matter what."

"He loves you too."

"I know he does."

"And you love him."

"Yes I do." Tony smiled.

"Then everything will be okay." She smiled back at him.

He kissed her forehead. For the first time in a very long time, he actually felt the same way. His ears perked up when he heard Gibbs' voice from the basement someone must have called. It was a brief conversation because Gibbs went silent just a few seconds later. Sitting Tali on the couch, Tony smiled. "I'll be right back." Making his way to the basement, he stepped onto the landing and looked down at the man about to start up the steps.

"Palmer's coming over to check up on you." Gibbs took the steps two at a time and stopped at the step before the landing. "He'll be here in about ten."

"Okay." Tony smiled as he stood in front of Gibbs letting a hand come to rest on the older man's chest. "Just keep working, stay occupied."

"Yeah." Gibbs could think of countless ways he'd like to stay occupied with Tony. His hand came up and rested on the one on his chest.

Tony leaned in and placed a quick kiss on Gibbs' lips. "And stop thinking about that."

"Hard not to think about that." Gibbs let out a slow deep breath.

"Which is why you should work on the boat, work off some of that frustration." Tony smirked.

"I'll be up before Palmer leaves, find out how you're healing, then we can have some lunch."

"Sounds great." Tony went to walk away but Gibbs' held their hands against his chest.

Gibbs brushed his lips against Tony's. "I can't wait to hold you tonight."

Tony's other hand came up and touched Gibbs' cheek. "Oh if you think all you're doing is holding me tonight, you better think again." A wide grin played across Tony's lips.

"Now who's starting?" Gibbs let go of Tony's hand.

"I'm going." Tony pulled his hand back and pointed down into the basement. "You, boat, go."

Gibbs chuckled as Tony walked out the basement door. Heading back down the steps, Gibbs stopped about a foot away from the boat and sat down on a sawhorse. Tony was right earlier, he'd been looking at his watch over and over again repeatedly and that wasn't going to help. The odds of the FBI completing the rest of the plan today was unlikely, more than likely it would be another day or two. He dropped his head back. He was on edge and not just about waiting to see if the protective custody would end. Blowing out a breath he thought about last night, how easy it was to just give in, forget everything and just love Tony again. Having Tony and Tali here made the house a home, made him feel like his life was finally whole again. And the idea of the protective custody ending both elated him and scared the hell out of him. When it ended they could finally be alone, without agents crawling all over outside. They could have someone watch Tali and actually talk without worrying about being interrupted, by agents or Tali. The flip side was. What if they made love, talked and Tony didn't want to stay? He knew Tony loved him, knew he wanted them to be together, but being together doesn't necessarily mean living together. They had so much they needed to talk about, but Tony was on edge from being cooped up, he was on edge because he still didn't know what to say or how to say it. They'd gone from barely speaking in years to him jacking Tony off on the couch in record time. Gibbs shook his head, nothing about their relationship had ever been conventional, but this was crazy. Gibbs chuckled. It was crazy. Crazy is what Tony always brought to his life; a craziness that Gibbs wanted and needed more than he had ever really admitted to himself. So why the hell was he worrying about all of this? Why couldn't he just accept it? That was an easy question…because he never got the happiness he wanted…but this time would be different, this time he was going to fight for it, not matter what.

 **##########**

Tony was watching Tali color when he heard the front door opened and Palmer walked in. "Perfect timing, Tali was just finishing a picture for you." He looked over and could tell something was wrong, Palmer had that fake smile plastered on his face. "Jimmy what-" Tony stopped when Torres walked in behind Palmer. Standing up, Tony felt the fear take hold. "What's wrong?"

Torres held his finger to his lips and looked at Tony then bent down and smiled at Tali. "Can you be quiet for me?" Torres asked in a low voice.

Tali nodded.

"Good. Come here." As Tali stood up, Torres scooped her up as he huddled closer to Palmer and Tony. "This is gonna happen fast."

"Nick what's going on?" There was an agitation in Tony's voice. "Let me get Gibbs."

"No." Torres quickly replied. "We need to do this now. I'll explain what's going to happen then we'll deal with Gibbs."

Tony looked back and forth between the two men. "Keeping Gibbs out of the loop is never a good idea."

"Believe me Nick is right." Palmer finally spoke. "Just listen okay."

Tony managed to nod even as the thought went through his head of them being rushed to the car because Cavellero's men knew about him and Tali.

##########

Fornell sat in the car out front and kept looking at his watch. What the hell was taking so long? They'd planned this out, knew exactly how long they had down to the minute. They should be coming out the door already. Fornell knew the risk, knew how Gibbs was going to react. Gibbs hated to be the last to know something and Fornell would pay for keeping his friend out of the loop. Still it didn't matter, it was necessary, and he'd accept Gibbs' retribution when it came. The men finally walked out of the house, Torres carrying Tali. It had taken a few more minutes than they'd expected and Fornell watched the front door expecting Gibbs to come rushing out. It didn't happen and Fornell breathed a sigh of relief as they drove away.


	24. Chapter 24

**Title:** My Conscience is clear Chapter 24

 **Slash/Mature:** Don't like, don't read.

 **Summary:** Moral compass, principles, right and wrong, inner voice, conscience…whatever you call it. Gibbs isn't sure he can keep his conscience clear when someone he cares about is missing. The one thing he is sure of, his conscience is clear when it comes to a past transgression between them. Will that memory help or hinder the future.

All mistakes are mine, this has not been proofed.

 **####################**

Gibbs finally had the board in place and secured. He glanced at his watch then listened. He'd heard the door open earlier, but had been so focused on finishing the bending and placing the board that he hadn't paid attention to if anyone was still here. Focusing he listened, he didn't hear voices, footsteps moved from the spare room back into the living room. Palmer had probably already left and Tony was probably settling down with Tali. This was a good stopping point. He might as well head upstairs and grab some lunch. Taking the steps two at a time he walked right through the kitchen and paused when he entered the dining room. There were take-out containers on the coffee table, two beers, and Tony and Tali were nowhere in sight. Footsteps behind him made the hairs on the back of his neck stand up; he took a deep breath and turned around.

Gibbs' heart skipped a beat as he took in the man before him. His eyes involuntarily leered down the younger man's body then back up to the sparkling green eyes. "Thought I ruined that shirt?"

Tony smiled. "Nothing a good tailor couldn't fix."

Gibbs ran his hand over his mouth fearing that he was actually drooling. Tony was wearing the exact same outfit he'd worn that first night they were together. The green button down shirt made Tony's eyes even greener and the black jeans hugged the natural curves of the younger man's body.

"I love seeing that look in your eyes." Tony took a step closer letting his hand touch Gibbs' chest. "Pure undeniable lust…like you want to devour me."

"I do." The words came out as a growl as Gibbs placed his hand over the one on his chest.

"What if I told you that you could, right here, right now." Tony brought them toe to toe.

Gibbs gave Tony a confused look.

"They got Di'Algo." Tony watched Gibbs' eyes go wide. "And Bolaro and they don't know anything about Tali and I."

"Palmer?"

"A sort of ruse…Jimmy, Nick and Fornell showed up." Tony's other hand came to rest on Gibbs' hip. "They took Tali for the rest of the day. They're taking all the kids to the zoo."

"It's over?" Relief washed over Gibbs.

Tony nodded. "I thought for sure you'd ruin the surprise by rushing up here before they left with Tali."

"We're really alone?" Gibbs' arm snaked around Tony's waist.

Another nod.

"Your arm, the cast is gone."

"Jimmy took care of it."

"Your ribs?"

"They're okay, knee bothers me more." Tony felt the arm tighten around his waist and he was jerked against the older man.

Gibbs glanced at Tony's lips then back up into the green eyes. "I wanna kiss you…but I'm not sure I'll be able to stop at just a kiss."

"Then don't stop."

Gibbs seized Tony's lips with brutal force not caring about anything but tasting every minute piece of Tony's lips and mouth. It wasn't enough he needed more and he'd alway need more. His lips descended to Tony's neck nipping at the younger man's jugular as his hands made their way to Tony's ass and squeezed.

Tony's eyes closed as he reassured himself this was real and he wasn't dreaming. When the teeth bit down on his jugular the realness of it truly set in and he pulled back.

Gibbs' head came up the worry evident on his face.

"I want the happy ending for us, not you regretting a night of passion." Tony took a deep breath. "Are you sure?"

Gibbs never hesitated. "I've never been surer of anything in my life."

Taking a step back, Tony took Gibbs' hand leading him out of the dining room and towards the spare room.

As they stepped through the door, Gibbs' arms wrapped around Tony from behind his fingers finding the button of the younger man's jeans and slipping it free. Taking hold of the zipper pull, he slowly drew it down over Tony's hard cock then ran his hands across Tony's stomach.

Tony felt the breath against his ear and spoke before Gibbs could. "I don't want sweet and tender." The hands on his stomach froze. "I need the rawness, that madness, like that first night."

Gibbs' lips placed a kiss just below Tony's ear. "I need to know that what I want is mine…all mine." He felt the body against him shiver as he spoke the same words he'd said to Tony that night. "Are you mine?"

"Always and forever."

Gibbs felt his heart skip a beat. The response was different this time, this time it wasn't about the moment, but the future and knowing tomorrow and the day after that they would wake up in each other's arms. Tenderness would come later, they had time now. Gibbs' hand went to the center of Tony's chest grabbed hold and ripped the shirt open sending buttons flying onto the hardwood floor.

Tony gasped, closed his eyes and fell back against Gibbs' chest as the calloused hands made contact with his bare chest. The hands like that night explored the peaks and valleys, although this time it was an exploration of rediscovery. Even the scars couldn't hinder the memory and Gibbs' hands touched them as if they had always been there. He needed more, Tony spun around meeting the lust filled blue eyes. "Skin to skin." It was exactly what they craved and Tony pulled the sweatshirt up and off of Gibbs' body tossing it aside.

"Skin to skin." Gibbs growled as they tore at each other's clothes desperate to be naked. As the last piece of clothing was shed they were on the bed. Bodies entwined, their hands and lips remembered, each drawing moans of pleasure from the other as the touch reignited all the memories. And like that night, Gibbs found himself staring down at Tony, staring into the eyes of the man he'd loved longer than he'd loved anyone, even when he told himself he didn't. Reaching over, Gibbs opened the drawer and grabbed the bottle. Popping the cap, he squeezed some onto his fingers and laid the bottle down. "Have you played?"

Tony nodded.

Rubbing his fingers together, he smirked when Tony's legs parted before his hand even moved down. His gaze locked on Tony's as he slipped a finger inside the tight ring watching as Tony's eyes almost closed then opened again. "Just what were you playing?"

"You mean what was I thinking about?" Tony's hand skimmed across his stomach.

Gibbs' eyes narrowed.

"I was thinking about this." Tony moaned as Gibbs added another finger. "You, that night, you fucking me again." His back arched as Gibbs scissored the fingers inside then shoved them in deeper. "Did you think about that?" Tony purred. "Having me again…me begging you to fuck me…over and over."

"Countless times." Gibbs moaned as he fucked Tony with his fingers.

"I begged you so many times that night" Tony rocked back on the fingers wanting more. "To fuck me, to suck my cock, to let me suck your cock."

Dipping down, Gibbs bit at Tony's bottom lips. "And I begged you to fuck me."

Tony grabbed the back of Gibbs' neck crushing their lips together shoving his tongue across Gibbs' lips and tasting every inch of the older man's mouth. Part of him still feared it was all a dream, he'd had the dream before and it had felt so real why should this be any different. He needed more; need to know it was real, that he wasn't going to wake up and he'd been in his bed alone. Ripping their lips apart, Tony begged. "I need you, need to know it's real again. Please make it real." Tony bit back a whimper as the fingers were yank from him and his legs were forced further apart. He held his breath and closed his eyes as the anticipation raised goose bump all over his skin. He jumped as the hands clawed up his ribcage and warm lips kissed his shoulder. "Oh God yes." His hands shot up clutching at the sides of Gibbs' body as the head of Gibbs' cock breeched the tight muscle.

"So tight." Gibbs growled as his head dropped next to Tony's. "Damn it." His fingertips dug into Tony's hip as he tried to calm the urge to just bury himself into the younger man.

"You're still the only one." Tony's fingers clawed up Gibbs' back. "The only man I've ever let touch."

Gibbs' hips rock forward involuntarily spurred on by the words.

"The only person that will ever touch me again." Tony took a jagged breath. "Take me, all of me."

Burying his face in the crook of Tony's shoulder and neck, Gibbs slammed into Tony, burying himself in the warmth.

Tony's mouth fell open in a silent cry as his body shuddered and he clawed into Gibbs' back. This was it, everything he'd wanted and had been denied for so long. The warmth permeating down from the body above him, the fingers tearing at his flesh desperately wanting to crawl inside him, the warm breath on his neck, the grunts of pleasure from the man he loved, the cock thrusting into him, filling him, satisfying him in ways that no other sexual act ever or other person ever had. His eyes rolled back in his head as he lost all track of time and place. There was only them and that was all that mattered.

Gibbs had already been plunged into the madness, madness completely different from that of that first night. This was the madness of familiarity, of finally coming home. It was the completeness of having searched for the missing piece and finally being made whole. This was where they belonged and he would never let anything come between them again.

"Jethro" Tony moaned out the name as the hand wrapped around his cock stroking hard and fast over his length. The dual stimulation caused his body to start to shake, he was so close, fought to hold on…but then he heard the command, the request, it didn't matter it was that voice, Gibbs' voice. _Come for me._ Opening his mouth, Tony came screaming, words, sounds, a combination of both it didn't matter. His entire body tensed and shook, his fingertips dug into Gibbs' flesh like talons as he desperately searched for stability as his world spun out of control.

Gibbs felt the warm fluid between his fingers, felt the fingers that had been tearing into his flesh suddenly release slightly. Latching back onto Tony's hip, Gibbs hammered into the younger man desperately searching for his own release. Then he felt the hand on his neck and looked down into the sated green eyes. His head was drawn down, eyes locked as he inhaled Tony's breath and Tony's other hand went palm flat against the center of his chest. The intensity of the connection made Gibbs' body tremble there had never been anyone that moved him the way Tony did at this moment. It was overwhelming and he surrendered to it crying out Tony's name as he came collapsing onto the man beneath him.

 **##########**

Tony's left hand was knotted in the bed sheet, the other on the back of Gibbs' head. He bit back a moan as he looked down watching Gibbs suck his cock. "You love sucking my cock." The hand on his thigh clenched tighter. "Begged me to let you suck it." Tony's fingers combed through the silver locks then thrust his hips upward driving his cock further down Gibbs' throat. "God feels so fucking good." His head dropped back down onto the pillow and he closed his eyes giving in to the pleasure. He wouldn't last long, but he'd enjoy it as long as he could before Gibbs' forced him over the edge. Tony groaned as Gibbs massaged his balls. "You really want me to come don't you?" Tony hissed. "Just can't wait to take it all." His body started to tremble and he felt the warmth at the base of his spine. His fingers grabbed Gibbs' hair started to push Gibbs' head down as he thrust his hips up. "That's it." He was so close, right at the edge. "God I'm gonna come." He let the orgasm wash over him as he fucked Gibbs' mouth until he cried out thrusting his cock deep down Gibbs' throat. "FUCK YES!" Tony screamed making quick jabs upward until the tension left his body and he melted down into the bed gasping for breath. His body shuddered as Gibbs licked at his cock sending aftershocks through him. He felt the warm lips against his stomach then traveling a path up his body until he sensed the man above him. Opening his eyes, Tony stared up into steely blue and a second later Gibbs' lips crashed down onto his. Tony eagerly parted his lips tasting himself from the man he loved.

Gibbs finally pulled back and licked his lips.

"God I forgot how good you are at that." Tony panted still trying to fill his aching lungs.

"Easy to be good at something you love doing." Gibbs rolled down on his side next to Tony his hand caressing over Tony's chest wanting to keep that physical connection.

Rolling over to face Gibbs, Tony's fingers touched Gibbs' cheek. "I love you."

"I love you too."

"And not just because of the amazing blow job you just gave me." Tony grinned.

Gibbs' hand slipped around Tony's waist and he slapped Tony's ass.

"Hey." Tony's eyebrow went up.

Squeezing Tony's ass cheek, Gibbs jerked the younger man against him.

"You know when I asked if you were hungry earlier I meant for food not me."

Gibbs smirked and wiggled his eyebrows. "Better be clearer next time."

"Do you want food?" Tony chuckled.

"I don't want leave this bed."

"You don't have to I'll get it for us."

"No." Gibbs held Tony tighter.

Tony's lips touched Gibbs trying to say so many things that he knew words couldn't say. "I'm not going anyway. I promise"

"I know." Gibbs knew didn't doubt it, but he just didn't even want to let Tony out of his sight right now.

"Eventually, we have to leave the bed." Tony sighed. "And you have to go back to work. Protection details over."

"That's never over." Gibbs' hand caressed the small of Tony's back.

"How about this." Tony rolled over away from Gibbs' pressing his ass against Gibbs' hard cock. "You make love to me again and then we eat…food."


	25. Chapter 25

**Title:** My Conscience is clear Chapter 25

 **Slash/Mature:** Don't like, don't read.

 **Summary:** Moral compass, principles, right and wrong, inner voice, conscience…whatever you call it. Gibbs isn't sure he can keep his conscience clear when someone he cares about is missing. The one thing he is sure of, his conscience is clear when it comes to a past transgression between them. Will that memory help or hinder the future.

All mistakes are mine, this has not been proofed.

 **####################**

"They were helping."

Gibbs rolled his eyes as he shoved another fork full of food in his mouth.

"So you're upset that they gave us time alone?" Tony raised an eyebrow. "Or are you upset that they actually pulled something over on you?"

Gibbs glared over at Tony.

"That's what I thought." Tony smirked. "You trained them all well."

"To well." Gibbs shoved his fork in the empty container and tossed it on the coffee table.

"I'm thankful." Tony put his container on the coffee table and slid next to Gibbs. His hand caressed Gibbs' face. "I needed this…we needed this."

Letting out a sigh, Gibbs took Tony's wrist and kissed the palm of the younger man's hand. "Yeah."

"So what's still worrying you?" Tony could see it in the steel blue eyes, something just below the surface that hint of concern.

Gibbs response was a soft smile and another kiss to Tony's palm.

"Do you regret making love?"

"God, no." Gibbs held Tony's hand to his chest.

"Then talk to me. What is it?"

Gibbs let go of Tony's hand and he saw the younger man swallow hard as he pulled his hand back. Leaning forward, Gibbs put his elbows on his legs. "No more protection detail."

"Okay and that's a good thing."

Gibbs nodded. "It is."

Tony could sense what Gibbs was getting at. "Do you think I want to go running back to Paris?"

"No, but we've been so busy dealing with our past we haven't talk a lot about what a future for us together looks like."

"Okay so let's talk about what that looks like." Tony turned towards Gibbs on the couch.

Gibbs sat back. "Okay."

They looked at each other and when neither of them spoke. Tony chuckled and shook his head. "So am I supposed to be the one to talk?" As he said it they heard a knock at the door. "Expecting someone?"

Gibbs shook his head as he got up and made his way to the door cautiously. As he glanced out the glass of the front door he rolled his eyes. Unlocking the door, Gibbs sighed. "Leon."

"Gibbs." The director stood there waiting to be invited in."

"Come in." Gibbs said reluctantly stepping aside.

"Expected to see you today since the protection detail ended."

"I'll be in tomorrow." Gibbs spoke as he walked into the living room.

Leon followed pausing just inside the room seeing Tony sitting on the couch. "Glad everything worked out."

"Me too." Tony nodded.

"And I'm sure Agent Gibbs will facility the interviews with you that NCIS and Homeland need."

"Absolutely." Tony agreed. "We were actually discussing that earlier."

"I'm sure you were." Leon smiled.

"Why are you here Leon?"

"Need a moment of your time." Leon glanced at Tony then back at Gibbs.

"I'll be in the guest room." Tony went to stand up.

"He has a right to know Leon."

"He's not an agent anymore."

Gibbs rolled his eyes. "Come on Leon."

"I don't need to know." Tony shook his head. "I'm over wanting to know anything other than-" He paused and looked at Leon. "Is she safe?"

It took a moment but Leon finally nodded.

Tony glanced at Gibbs. "I'll be in the guest room"

Gibbs nodded watching as Tony quickly disappeared down the hall. Then he looked at Leon. "Spit it out."

"Seems Agent Fornell is occupied and wanted me to brief you."

"You could have called."

"Not exactly something I wanted to discuss over the phone."

"We have code words for a reason." Gibbs rolled his eyes. "But if you're here, I already know."

"Figured you would." Leon took a deep breath and he took a few more steps into the living room. "But there's more I wanted to discuss."

"Once NCIS and Homeland have their interviews with Mr. DiNozzo, NCIS will handle his return trip to Paris."

Gibbs hesitated before just nodding.

Leon's brow furrowed. "Is there a problem?"

"No."

"Yes there is."

Both men turned towards Tony who had emerged from the spare room and was standing just outside the opening to the living room.

Leon sighed. "Okay, what is it?"

"I'm not going back to Paris."

Leon looked over at Gibbs who looked just as surprised. He turned back to Tony.

"Well at some point I'll go back to settle everything, but I'm going to do everything I can from DC."

"You're coming back to DC?"

"Yes." Tony glanced at Gibbs. "I haven't worked everything out yet, but Tali and I are staying in DC."

"I know your friends will be happy to have you back."

Tony could see the wheels already turning in Vance's head. "Don't worry Director, not looking for a job."

Leon smirked.

"I don't miss being an agent just miss some of the perks."

Leon chuckled.

"I do have a favor to ask."

Leon's eyebrow went up. "There's always a catch."

"I know Kayla and Jared went to Georgetown Day School."

"They did."

"I'd like to get Tali in." Tony paused. "A recommendation letter from you would go a long way."

Leon shook his head. "Not the kind of favor I thought you were going to ask for."

"A lot of agent's kids go there, them knowing my background would help, especially coming from you."

Leon pulled his jacket down. "Done."

"Thank you." Tony glanced at Gibbs who was just standing there a surprised look still on his face. "And I'll be in tomorrow for interviews."

"Good." Vance nodded and turned back to Gibbs who finally shook his head and the surprise from his face. "Tomorrow we'll have a full debriefing with Homeland."

Gibbs nodded.

"Gentlemen, have a good night."

"We will." Tony gave a sedated smile as the director walked towards the front door. Once the door opened and closed Tony made his way into the living room stopping a few steps from Gibbs. "Does that answer your question about our future?"

"Not completely." Gibbs took a step towards Tony.

"The rest isn't mine to answer…I don't want to assume."

"I want you and Tali here." Gibbs reached out taking Tony's hand and drawing the younger man closer, their joined hands against Gibbs' chest. "I wanna know when I walk out this door that you'll be here when I get back. I want this to be a home again, for the three of us."

"Jethro all I want is to build a life together." Tony smiled. "And Tali, well you know how she feels. She wan-" He didn't get to finish the sentence because Gibbs' lips captured his as an arm circled around his waist pulling him into an embrace. When their lips parted, Tony was staring into those blue eyes. "You are all I want and need." Tony sighed. "And I never want to know what life is like without you again."

"Our happy ending…we deserve it."

"Yes we do." Tony smiled at the man he loved.

Gibbs smirked. "Guess I better buy the pink and purple paint."

Tony groaned. "You're going to give in to every demand she has aren't you?"

Gibbs shrugged.

"Such a push over." Tony shook his head.

"When it comes to you and Tali, absolutely." Gibbs sighed.

"You're just a big teddy bear." Tony felt the hand caress up his back.

"I need to make love to you again." Gibbs' head dipped down and kissed Tony's neck. "And I want to take my time." Another kiss. "Touch every inch of you."

Tony's eyes closed and his head went back as Gibbs' lips rained kisses on his neck and throat. "I'm yours do anything you want to me." The hand on his back clawed at the fabric of his shirt and he heard a low growl from the older man.

Gibbs gently started walking Tony backwards down the hall towards the spare room as he continued to feast on the younger man's neck. Walking through the bedroom door, Gibbs turned them around as they reached the bed. Pulling his head back, Gibbs sat down on the end of the bed and looked up at Tony. Their eyes met as Gibbs drew the younger man between his knees. His hands slipped under Tony's t-shirt slowly pushing the fabric up and over his stomach.

Raising his arms, Tony pulled the shirt off and dropped it on the floor beside him. Before the shirt even hit the ground, Gibbs' lips touched his stomach placing gentle kisses on the marred flesh while his hands caressed up the sides of his body. Tony's eyes closed as he reveled in the touch.

As much as Gibbs loved the out of control rawness of making love to Tony, this was what he craved right now, the ability to take his time, the touch, the closeness that the slowness allowed. His fingers danced across the small of Tony's back raising goose bumps on the flesh and making the younger man's body shiver. Letting his fingers dance upward, Gibbs felt the muscles contract from the soft exploration before relaxing as his touch moved away. His hands made a path down the side of Tony's body to the younger man's hips. When his fingers knotted in the fabric, Tony's eyes opened. Again looking into the emerald eyes, Gibbs tugged the sweats down and they pooled at Tony's feet. Gibbs' eyes leered down Tony's body pausing at the hard cock jutting out towards him before letting his eyes descend back up to Tony's face.

Tony watched as Gibbs' hands caressed up his thighs, pausing to tenderly touch each of the visible marks crisscrossing the skin. He saw Gibbs' Adams Apple bob up and down as the steel blue eyes locked on his. Tony shook his head as his hand came up and cupped Gibbs' cheek. The look in those blue eyes was the same look Tony had when he'd watched Gibbs' face death and almost not survive. He'd been in love with Gibbs through it all and holding back all those emotions during those countless close calls still made his heart ache. Leaning down, Tony's lips brushed against the older man's letting Gibbs know he understood without words. He felt the hands drift from his hips to his butt and he felt the gentle squeeze. Pulling back he watched as Gibbs' placed a kiss in the soft curls of hair above Tony's cock.

Taking a deep breath Gibbs took in the man's natural scent and the memory of sucking Tony's cock earlier raced through his mind. Looking up at the younger man, Gibbs' hands caressed up Tony's back as he stood up and took Tony's hands moving them to the side of the bed. Without a word, Tony removed Gibbs' clothes and then lay down on the bed.

Lying down on his side next to Tony, Gibbs' hands began their exploration again. His fingers touched Tony's knee then slowly danced up the inside of the younger man's thigh. He felt Tony hold his breath, hoping he would touch his hard cock, but instead Gibbs' fingers side stepped back to Tony's hip and up to Tony's stomach. As his fingertips swept back and forth over Tony's stomach the younger man's muscles contracted and Tony bit back a giggle. Gibbs smile loving the fact that the grown man was still ticklish. Ascending, Gibbs' fingers explored the familiar peaks and valleys of Tony's chest again remember and memorizing the feel of Tony's body. As his hand moved on caressing across Tony's shoulder, the younger man rolled onto his side facing him.

Tony's hand touch Gibbs' face and that soft loving smile spread across Gibbs' lips. Gibbs was a patient man, but Tony struggled to allow Gibbs the time he wanted. He smiled as Gibbs' arm slipped around his waist and clutched at the small of his back. Tony's lips captured Gibbs' trying to express all the love he felt without letting the constant ache for the older man consume him.

Gibbs knew Tony needed more, knew, understood, and accepted it. It was just part of the man he loved and he doubted it would ever change and the truth was he didn't want it to. Tony was a blazing inferno of need, consumed by his emotions, and unable to contain the raging flames. Even though Gibbs wanted the slowness, the exploration, he eagerly and willingly gave into the desperate need of the man he loved and he knew he always would. His own desire consumed by the need that radiated from the younger man. He knew what Tony wanted, what the man craved and desired and he would always give it. All it took was a gently touch to the hip and the younger man rolled onto his other side facing away from Gibbs.

Tony felt the slight movement of the bed and heard the nightstand draw open. A few seconds later he felt the lube covered fingers slip between his cheeks and gently slid inside him. His eyes closed as Gibbs' fingers worked in and out of him then scissored inside opening him up. Again he tried to be patient letting Gibbs enjoy the build-up but he quickly found himself rocking back onto the fingers desperately wanting more. Taking the cue, Tony felt the fingers disappear and he took a deep breath preparing himself and he felt the cock head press against him a second later.

Gibbs' hand snaked around Tony's waist sprawling out on the younger man's stomach as he slowly nudged forward.

The agonizingly slow pace caused Tony to whimper and moan desperate to have Gibbs completely inside him. When he finally felt his back against Gibbs' chest, Tony let his body settle against the solid body behind him. This is what he loved, body to body, cocooned in Gibbs' arms feeling loved and safe. And this time, even after they made love, the feeling would remain. He felt the soft lips brush against the side of his neck and his body shivered. His hand came to rest on the one on his stomach and their fingers entwined. Pulling their joined hands to his chest, Tony bit back a moan as Gibbs rocked his hips forward. It was when he felt the lips against his ear, heard the whispered words, that he finally let the needy growl fall from his lips.

Gibbs felt his hand crushed between their laced fingers, felt Tony thrust back against him, and knew the younger man's patience had evaporated. Letting their combined need consume him, Gibbs took Tony giving the younger man exactly what he wanted. Bodies and souls enmeshed, Gibbs conveyed all the words Tony needed to hear, uttering words of love, desire, commitment, and endless possibilities as they made love.

Tony let the words seep into his mind, his heart, his soul and finally truly believed everything was real. That the future he always imaged was finally his, the man he loved, a home, a family, and he would never let anything or anyone take that away from him again.

Listening to the murmured sounds from the younger man, Gibbs fell silent as he let his lips fall to Tony's neck nipping at the flesh as his body threatened to surrender. He refused holding on as he ripped his hand from Tony's and wrapped it around the younger man's cock. The murmured sounds suddenly turned to begging…harder, more and within a few minutes begging for release. Gibbs fulfilled every one of Tony's pleas until he felt the body against him start to shudder. Closing his eyes, Gibbs buried his head in the crook of Tony's shoulder thrusting into the man over and over. Then he heard his name fill the air around them and his cock was squeezed tightly. He came instantly lunging into Tony screaming against the younger man's shoulder.


	26. Chapter 26

**Title:** My Conscience is clear Chapter 26

 **Slash/Mature:** Don't like, don't read.

 **Summary:** Moral compass, principles, right and wrong, inner voice, conscience…whatever you call it. Gibbs isn't sure he can keep his conscience clear when someone he cares about is missing. The one thing he is sure of, his conscience is clear when it comes to a past transgression between them. Will that memory help or hinder the future.

All mistakes are mine, this has not been proofed.

Well a change in jobs kept me away for a awhile, but hopefully I'll be back on track. Enjoy

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Tony was just putting the coffee pot back when he felt the arm around his waist. Smiling he settled back against man behind him. His body was tugged gently against the older man. "Are you trying to start something again?" Tony chuckled.

"Maybe." Gibbs sighed dropping a kiss on Tony's neck.

"I'll say it again we don't have to make up for years in one day." Tony snickered.

Gibbs didn't respond just held the younger man tightly in his arms.

Tony's fingers gently brushed across the hands at his waist. "And again I'm not going anywhere." He heard the soft sigh from the man behind him.

"Still seems like a dream."

Squirming in Gibbs' arms, Tony managed to turn around and face the man he loved. "It's not a dream, I promise." That playful smirk curled onto the corner of Tony's lips. "If you were dreaming I'd have a lot less clothes on."

Gibbs chuckled.

"I can drop to my knees and suck your cock, prove I'm real."

"Oh I've had that dreams thousands of times." Gibbs sighed. "That wouldn't prove anything."

"Thousands?" Tony's eyebrow went up.

Gibbs shrugged.

"Was the dream specifically the kitchen?"

"The kitchen, the basement, the living room, the-"

"Okay I get it." Tony laughed wrapping his arms around Gibbs' neck.

"Any room will do."

"Well I have a way to make you realize this isn't a dream." Tony watched as Gibbs' eyebrow went up. "I need to call Jimmy." Tony grinned. "Bet I never said that in your dreams."

Gibbs shook his head.

"It's getting late. I need to see if he's dropping Tali off or if we need to go get her."

"Okay." Gibbs gave Tony a quick kiss on the cheek.

"And we need to tell her about all this."

"We?"

Tony's brow furrowed. "Yes we." He watched as a tender smile appeared on Gibbs' face. "What's that for?"

"Including me." Gibbs' fingers danced across the small of Tony's back. "I don't want to over step or-"

"You love her like she was yours, I couldn't ask for more." Tony saw the emotion well up in Gibbs' eyes. "And her two dads will help her become the strong, intelligent, and amazing woman she's going to grow up to be."

Trying to swallow the emotion, Gibbs nodded holding back the tears.

"But-" Tony tried to put on his best stern face. "If she runs to you every time I say no and you say yes we're going to have a problem mister." The words had the desired effect, Gibbs chuckled lightening the mood.

"Can't promise I won't mess that one up now and then, but I promise to try not to."

"I already see she looks at you with those big brown eyes and you melt."

"Yeah well."

"No yeah well." Tony balked. "We have-" The rest of the sentence went unfinished as Gibbs' captured his lips in a kiss full of love and all the deep emotions between them.

When Gibbs' lips pulled away, Tony's eyes were closed and the younger man sighed. Gibbs could tell there was a question underlying the sigh. "What?"

Tony's eyes slowly opened. "I haven't been with anyone since Tali."

Gibbs tugged Tony closer knowing exactly what he was asking. "You make time whenever you can, you learn to be quiet, and you have great friends that are willing to babysit."

Tony gave him that wide DiNozzo smile. "We definitely have that last one."

"I'm sure she'd love Uncle Nick to babysit." Gibbs smirked as Tony let out a groan.

"Seriously Nick's great, but she's already googlie eyed for the sexy bad boy."

"Sexy?" Gibbs' eyebrow went up.

Tony rolled his eyes.

"He's a good man and I think she'll get over it." Gibbs chuckled.

"Can you imagine the first boy that picks her up for a date?" Tony started laughing. "You and me standing there with the team and Senior all standing behind us."

"No the team will be positioned at the restaurant, the movie theater or anywhere else they might go."

"Oh right." Tony laughed. "Two over protective fathers, that girl is never going to date." He saw Gibbs' face suddenly soften and his eyes fill with emotion. "She loves you and you're already like a father to her."

Gibbs nodded.

"Okay before you get all emotional, I need to call Jimmy."

Rolling his eyes, Gibbs kissed Tony's forehead then stepped back.

Grabbing his phone from the coffee table, Tony made the call, two rings and he heard the voice on the other end.

Gibbs heard Tony's end of the conversation, talking about how much fun the kids had, funny moments of laughter, then a surprised face and Tony looking concerned.

"I'm not sure I'm ready for that." Tony glanced at Gibbs. "Thanks for the offer, I appreciate it." A pause. "Yeah we'll be over in about a half hour or so." He put the phone down and looked at Gibbs.

"It has to be your call." Gibbs already knew what Palmer had offered.

Tony ran his hands down his face. "Am I being an over protective father?"

"No." Gibbs shook his head and walked over kissing Tony's forehead. "That time will come."

"Thank you." Tony squeezed Gibbs' hand. "I'm just not ready for her to stay somewhere without me."

"I get it." Gibbs pulled their joins to his chest. "Let's go get her. I just need to make a stop on the way."

"A stop?" Tony's brow went up.

"You'll see." Gibbs gave Tony a wink.

 **###########**

Hearing the knock at the door, Palmer made his way over and opened it without a second thought. His wide smile was already in place when he saw the two men standing there. "He guys, come in." Stepping aside, Tony and Gibbs walked in surprised to see McGee, Torres, Jack, and Bishop sitting at the table with Victoria and Tali playing a board game.

"Daddy, Gibbs." Tali jumped down from her chair and ran to Tony immediately she was scooped up in his arms.

Tony hugged her tightly and within seconds she was rambling away as she pulled out of his embrace.

"I got to hold a frog, watch the elephants get a bath, we saw lions, pandas, ravens and…" She went on and on listing the animals.

Tony listened intently nodding and smiling until she finally paused and took a breath. "Wow that sounds like an amazing day."

"Jimmy is friends with the lion tamer." She announced excitedly.

"Lion tamer." Tony looked at her confused then glanced at Jimmy.

"The lion keeper." Jimmy explained. "He let us go behind the scenes."

Tony chuckled. Jimmy seemed almost as excited as Tali. "We'll I'm glad you had fun."

"Did you and Gibbs have fun?"

"We did." Tony smiled as he forced himself not to glance over at Gibbs.

Tali however, glanced over at Gibbs then back at her dad. "Did you decide if we can live with Gibbs forever?"

"Tali." Tony's eye went wide.

The group at the table tried to hide their smiles and laughter.

Tali looked over at Gibbs.

"Yeah, you're staying forever."

Her face lit up and she reached out for Gibbs. He took her in his arms and she wrapped her arms around his neck hugging him tightly. Pulling back she gave him that wide DiNozzo smile. "When can we paint my room?"

Gibbs smirked. "Soon." He glanced over at Tony, the younger man staring at him with a shocked expression on his face. Gibbs leaned towards Tony. "They already knew."

McGee stood up and walked towards Tony. "And we're all happy for you, both of you."

The shock faded from Tony's face and he took a deep breath and blew it out. "Thanks." Tony wasn't sure who made the first move, but the two embraced.

"I missed you." McGee sighed as he hugged his friend.

"I missed you too." Drawing back, Tony looked at McGee and saw the emotion in the man's eyes. He patted McGee's cheek.

"Welcome home." As he said it an ornery grinned spread across McGee's face. "But even though I love you brother, don't think for one minute I'm not going to tease and torment you about this."

Tony smirked. "I wouldn't have it any other way."

McGee suddenly grew somber. "I wish I could have been there."

"You were right where you were supposed to be to help." Tony knew exactly what McGee meant. He had no doubt McGee had put up a fight about going to Paris with Gibbs.

McGee nodded fighting back the emotion.

Sensing the two men needed a moment, Gibbs headed towards the table with Tali. He sat down in the empty chair with her in his lap, without a word about him and Tony; the team started talking about the game. They knew when the time came more would be said, but now wasn't that time.

 **##########**

Gibbs held the front door open as Tony walked in with a sleeping Tali in his arms. The little girl had fallen asleep almost the moment the car pulled away from Palmer's house. Tony made his way up the stairs as Gibbs closed the door and headed to the kitchen.

When Tony came back down the stairs, Gibbs was walking into the living room carrying two beers. Gibbs unscrewed the cap off one and handed it to Tony. Taking it, Tony took it taking a long swig from the bottle.

"Thanks." Tony felt the cold liquid hit his stomach and warm him.

Sitting down at the end of the couch, Gibbs opened the other beer and swigged half the bottle.

"How long do you think they've known?" Tony sat down in the center of the couch, one leg pulled up under him as he faced Gibbs.

"They suspected." Gibbs' hand came to rest on Tony's knee.

"Even before I left?" Tony placed his beer on the coffee table.

Gibbs nodded.

"Then you went running off to Paris to save me." Tony sighed. "It just made them realize it wasn't just a suspicion."

"And seeing us during all this…seeing me."

Tony's fingers gently caressed down Gibbs' arm and he placed his hand on top of the older man's resting on his knee. "You are sexy when you're protective."

Gibbs chuckled and entwined their fingers. "I don't think that's what they were noticing."

"Well I notice that." Sliding closer to Gibbs, Tony smiled. "And Tim was right…this is home…not just here with you, but DC, with my family."

"Yeah." Gibbs pulled their joined hands to his lips and kissed the back of Tony's hand.

Smiling, Tony tried to push away the ever present desire for the man. "So guess Tali doesn't get her surprise to night."

"It will be there when it's time."

"She's going to go crazy when she sees the paint you bought." Tony grinned. That was Gibbs stop he had to make on the way to Palmer's, the hardware store to pick up the paint for Tali's rooms.

"Tomorrow night we can show it to her, after I get home from work." Gibbs watched as Tony nodded the younger man's eyes drifting downward for a moment. "You okay?"

"It's just-" Tony shook his head. "It's going to be strange not having you here all day."

"I know." Gibbs already felt the growing anxiety at having to leave Tony gnawing at his gut. "But you'll be busy with interviews."

Groaning, Tony's head drooped forward. "Interviews."

"You'll be fine."

Tony slumped forward leaning against Gibbs. "Leon, Fornell, probably Jack in there too worried about my sanity after it all." He pulled his head up and stared into the blue eyes before him. "Not exactly my idea of a fun day."

"I'd worry if it was." Gibbs chuckled.

"Delilah and Jack are going to watch Tali."

"I heard."

"It's good for her to have them around." Tony always did the best he could for Tali, but have strong female role models is important.

"It is." Gibbs downed the rest of his beer and put the bottle on the end table. He leaned back settling deep into the couch. "Plus Bishop and Brenna, she'll have plenty of strong women in her life."

"I missed that. Having people I trust around, people I can depend on, both for me and Tali." Tony sighed.

Gibbs knew what Tony was thinking saw it written all over the younger man's face. "You know Josie would have protected Tali with her life."

"I know." Tony let the somberness set in for a moment then shook his head. "And Tim and Jimmy."

"I know they missed having you close, even though you talked."

"Yeah." Tony sighed. "It's not the same."

"Tim fought to go to Paris."

"He's Senior Field Agent, he needed to be here. That's the hard part about being your Senior Field Agent." He paused squeezing their joined hands. "Watching you run into the danger and holding the reigns back at home." He paused. "Definitely don't miss that part of the job."

"Yeah." Gibbs chuckled.

Smiling, Tony let go of Gibbs' hand and climbed onto the older man's lap straddling his hips. "But you know what the best thing is about being home?"

Gibbs stared at the younger man as his hands caressed up Tony's back.

"You. Being with the man I love."

"Part of me never wants to let you out of my sight." Gibbs hands clutched at Tony's back. "But I know that's unrealistic."

"It is." Tony placed his hands on Gibbs' chest. "But I understand and I love you even more for it." Leaning in his lips brushed against Gibbs in what he intended to be a brief kiss, but Gibbs' arms tightened around him crushing their bodies together.

Gibbs demanded more trying to express the depth of his love and devoting to the man. Words failed him so often that this seemed a better expression. Yet it still would never be enough. As he let their lips slowly part, Tony's green eyes locked on blue.

"It's going to be a long day for both of us tomorrow." Tony's hands caressed up Gibbs' chest and around his neck. "We should get some sleep."

"We should." Gibbs' fingers brushed back and forth across the small of Tony's back feeling the muscles under his fingers contract.

"I know the comfy bed would be nice-" Tony glanced down the length of the couch then back at Gibbs. "But I love this couch." He grinned. "I spent a lot of night on this couch fantasizing about you."

"After you left, I slept on this couch every night and fantasized about having you here with me."

"I want to sleep here with you." Tony started to unbutton his shirt as the steely blue eyes followed his every move. Pushing the shirt off his shoulders he let it fall to the floor then he stood up slipping off his shoes. He was just about to unbutton his jeans, when Gibbs stood up and grabbed his wrists. Gibbs placed Tony's arms back down at his sides.

Gibbs pulled his sweatshirt off over his head and dropped it to the floor with the other clothes. He sloughed off his shoes then let his fingers play with the button on Tony's jeans before popping the button free and slowly pulling the zipper down. His hands went to Tony's hips and gently tugged the jeans off the younger man's body. They pooled at Tony's feet and he stepped out of them. Gibbs allowed his eyes to skim over the younger man's naked body lingering momentarily on Tony's already hard cock before dropping his hands back down to his sides.

Tony reached out mirroring Gibbs' actions on the older man's jeans. As he was about to push them down Gibbs' hips, his wrists were gently grabbed against and stopped. Gibbs leaned in and whispered in Tony's ear. "Lay down." Waiting, Gibbs watched as Tony lay down on the couch. Slipping off his jeans, boxers, and socks, Gibbs placed his body over the younger man's staring down into the sparkling green eyes. Reaching behind the couch Gibbs grabbed the blanket and haphazardly through it over their bodies.

Tony's hand touched Gibbs' cheek, his thumb brushing over Gibbs' lips.

"Is sleep what you want?"

Tony shook his head. Sleep was the last thing he wanted. His eyes suddenly closed and his head went back as he felt the fingertips sweep up the underside of his cock. Involuntarily his legs parted already desperate for Gibbs to take him. His mouth fell open as the fingers brushed across the head of his already dripping cock then the touch disappeared. Tony's eyes opened and he was about to protest the loss of touch when he felt the fingers between his legs and they parted further.

Slipping two fingers inside Tony, Gibbs' lips fell to Tony's swallowing the moan that poured from the younger man's lips. Gibbs took his time just enjoying touching the man he loved, until Tony ripped their lips apart and stared up at him.

"Enough." Tony said breathlessly pushing at Gibbs' arm wanting more than Gibbs' fingers. He groaned as the fingers left him his hand was pushed away.

"So impatient." Gibbs sighed shaking his head.

Tony's dilated green eyes silently begged as he felt the slight movement against his body. He told himself every time that he was prepared, ready, but it always surprised him. The slight pressure, the momentary sting, and then the overwhelming warmth and pleasure that surged through his body as Gibbs' cock entered him, filled him, and connected them in ways no other lover had made Tony experience.

Gibbs' right hand latched onto the arm of the couch behind Tony's head as the entire length of his cock settled into the man he loved. The sensation was like the first time every time. His body tensed as he tried to calm the all-consuming need that engulfed him. His left hand caressed up Tony's chest to the younger man's neck as he struggled for sense of stability. Stability was such an unusual dichotomy with Tony. The man was such a stabilizing force for Gibbs in most situations, but loving the man, making love to the man was complete chaotic instability. Gibbs normal control constantly tested and failing miserably. The truth of the statement hitting him square in the chest as Tony's hands cupped his face and their eyes locked. Tony wrapped a leg around Gibbs' hip digging his heel into Gibbs' ass and driving the older man's cock deeper into him.

"Tone." The affectionate name came out as a growl as he instinctively started rocking his hips back and forth. His blue eyes stared down into lust filled green begging and pleading with the younger man to offer a sliver of stability that Gibbs so desperately wanted in this moment. The green eyes dilated further but softened in their intensity, the bond between them filling Tony with some of Gibbs usual control.

Taking a slow calming breath, Tony accepted the control, the stabilizing essence of the older man and offered it back to Gibbs. He heard and felt Gibbs take a deep breath and then gently let it out. That was that last thing Tony consciously remembered as a single being. After that they made love as one body, one mind, the tenderness more searing and devastating then the violent fierceness of the uncontrollable chaos. It was a wordless silence, the only conversation taking place between their bodies and eyes for what seemed like an eternity.

It was the change in Tony's gaze that finally made Gibbs break the silence. "Let go." The dryness of Gibbs' mouth caused the words to come out in a rough cracking sound. Gibbs watched as any sense of control faded from Tony's eyes, the green pools instantly flooded with the suppressed madness begging Gibbs to descend into the madness with him. And Gibbs gleefully followed the two of them plunging into the madness of release together.


End file.
